stories of a real life wonder woman

Do you ever have times when your mind feels so crammed full of a million thoughts its like your mind is blank? I know that probably makes no sense but that's how my head feels right now. Like it's racing so much that I can't focus on anything and it makes me feel a like I am constantly staring off into space trying to find some peace in the choas in my mind. I think a big part of that is that this week has felt so long and crazy and my emotions have been everywhere that I'm still processing everything. I sort of just have felt like everyday there has been something going on to keep me busy or to push my limits and challenge me. Thinking about my week I know I haven't actually done that much but I have this uneasy overwhelming feeling covering me that makes me feel like I am just going to lose it crying at any second. Sort like you get when you are really busy and you know you have taken on too much and you feel like you can't catch your breath. That's how ...

Today holds a lot of special meaning for me...in the past few years God has added another reason for me to celebrate this day and I want to start this post by talking about that first... Today is Nancy Kerr aka Momma Kerr's birthday...for those of you who don't know I refer to the Kerr's as my Kerr family because well they are...hahahaha...pretty much from the beginning of becoming friends with them I have felt as comfortbale around them as I do with my own family...which is kind of a big deal for me because I hardly ever feel comfortable around people especailly not that quick...but just like my own family tries to be with others the Kerrs have taken me in and accepted me completely "as is" even though I have a million crazy quirks and I probably drive them crazy with them just like I do my own family...I have become the daughter that Papa and Momma Kerr never had and I love that role and feel blessed that they would want me to be a part of their family in that...

I had this dream that I was building myself a beach house...how I knew what to do to build it I really don't know...cause I was building it all by hand by myself...weird...anyways it was the coolest place ever...it only had like three rooms and it was really small but it was perfect for me...it was like a shack basically...it had all these beautiful windows facing the beach so that I could feel the breeze blowing in off the ocean...it was amazing...it was so great I didn't want to wake up...I knew it was a dream but I so badly wanted it to be real...everything was peaceful and easy and there was no chaos like there is in my life everyday right now...man I loved it... Besides that I have been noticing this week that I say things about how cool or not cool I think I am like "I wish I was cool like them" or "I'm not that cool"...I have noticed how often myself and others try to be cool...or feel like we aren't cool enough to fit in with a group that w...

As most of you know I had a biopsy scheduled for Monday at one in Peoria at OSF...well first it was scheduled for Thursday at 4 then it got moved to Monday at one...we had to be at the hospital at 11 to check in and do blood work so we left Dixon at like 8:30...when we left the house we were joking that we were taking a risk because we hadn't grabbed any extra clothes in case we had to stay...we have learned to do that just in case because you never know what can happen when you go to the doctors office when you have had a transplant...in the past often we have taken things in case we have to spend the night we haven't ended up needing it but then when we don't take extra clothing that tends to be when we need it...but we still left the house without any just in case things but neither of us were worried we figured that with how many times the doctors and nurses had told us we wouldn't have to stay the night we really wouldn't have to... The ride there was unevent...

I'm not quite sure how to start this blog...not that I don't feel like I have anything to say I just don't know where to start...normally I say something about my week...and I did have a good week...I got to spend a lot of time with my friends...but I have already said a million times how much I love my friends and how much they mean to me... I will say that I like to think my friends are way better than Job's friends from the Bible...I was reading a little bit in Job the other day and even though I think is friends end up being pretty crappy friends I have to admit that at first they do the right thing...in Job 2:13 the Bible says "Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was."...I love that...they saw how great his suffering was a sat in silence with him...they didn't try to solve his pain...they sat with him in the ashes while he picked at his scabs with p...

we haven't done that in a long time and we only do that when we like our doctor...it was funny today because when we went to give it to him we could tell me was excited about it but then he said well after i tell you what i have to tell you you might not want to give me a pie...hahahaha... so here's the news...and just so you are forwarned we weren't really expecting good news so if you are expecting that well then you probably still don't fully understnad the realities of the life that God gave me...anywho...he was concerned because my creatine was up again this time at 3 which is bad...i have a lot of protien in my urine which is also bad...he was also concerned that neither my utlrasound nor my biospy showed that anything was bad and that should not be the case...once he said that he looked over at us with a look on his face like don't be mad and said "i want to do another biopsy if that's ok with you just to check on things again"...i wanted to s...

I would like to start this post off by talking about how I have this uncontorable need at times to be mean...meaning I get this urgeto just be a jerk to people for many reasons...like I want people to leave me alone so I am meann to them...or I feel like maybe they are thinking to highly of me so I do something mean and stupid so that they don't think as highly of me...basically I become self-destructive...out of fear out of insecurties out of selfish desires...the sin nature in me rears its ugly head and says either 'you aren't really that nice" or "you don't deserve to have people be so nice to you" and I say things to purposely cut people down big time or I flat out hit them...the funny thing about it though is that sometimes it back fires...I had a friend one time tell me that I was a jerk but that's one of the reasons everyone loved me...she elaborated by saying that I could act like a jerk but I didn't really have anyone fooled everyone knew...