stories of a real life wonder woman

One of the many side effects of having a jacked up kidney...BUT last night happened to be one of those rare occasions where I did sleep...so I took advantage of it...which is really only one of the reasons I didn't do my normal Sunday night post...another one being I was spending time watching old Disney movies with Nicole and Kristin...also I was super proud of my last post and feels so good about it...whenever I have a post like that I don't want to post afterwards because I feel like every time just sounds lame after that...I feel like I need to come up with some other awesome idea to post about...sadly words don't always come that easily and the majority of the ideas rolling around in my head are not as good as that...or at least not as developed... I will say that I had a doctors appointment this last week...I didn't mention it because well nothing really happened...I'm doing good and the doctor thinks so too...so no new meds...no news on the transplant testi...

Especially the Chronicles of Narnia...and one of my favorite moments in the book and the movie is when I think it's Mrs. Beaver says "Aslan is on the move."...as a little kid I didn't know why I loved that so much but there was so much mystery and power in those five words...something stirred up inside of me...wonder...excitement...adoration... Now when I think about it I love it all the more..."Aslan is on the move."...that really does hold a lot of power...even with those words it's implied that nothing can stop him...and things will be set right again...good things are coming...in the book that meant Christmas and spring and the end of the White Witch's reign... In my life that looks a little different though...it could mean a transplant...it could mean a job I love...it could mean being able to write a book...it could mean a lot of good things... The problem is I keep forgetting that...I forget that I have a God who wants to give good gifts...

today has been a day full of laughter...which is nice because life as you all know has been a little more than rough lately...so today it has been nice to sit around with friends and laugh...as Bob Bates (who was here earlier) would say "if I think somethings funny, I'm gonna laugh"...I like to think I am like this guy... The thing about this though it that although I am having a good day filled with laughter...today is also the day when my emotions have decided they have been built up in me long enough...so even though there has been a lot to laugh about and I have been laughing...I have also been spending some time in my room balling my eyes out... I don't know how to tell you how hard this life can be to deal with at times...some days like today I am constantly asking myself if this really is my life...and not in a good way...I'm stuck mainly in my house...and mostly in my bed the majority of the time because I am too sick and tired for anything else...I...

Nicole now thinks that the two of you are in a competition...after you sent me the picture she decided to paint me a Wonder Woman symbol thing for my wall...also she and my entire cabin at camp think I should send you a signed picture of myself...just because it would be funny... On another note I went to a wedding on Friday...and well it was great...I ended up feeling dead-ish on Saturday but it was worth it...for me it was a beautiful day...I got to see a lot of people that I love a lot...so that obviously was nice...so did my sister Ashley and it was fun to see her get to reconnect with old friends...we danced a lot...and I couldn't stop laughing the majority of the time... But more than that it was a good day because we got to celebrate...that is something that is nice to do with people when you have been through a lot of tough things together...Deanna (the bride) and I have been friends since we were 4...so our family and her family have been through my countless health is...

I am not good at sugar coating things... So I'mma  just say that things are super tough around here...when we went to Walmart today mom told someone that she is burning the candle at both ends and in the middle...sounds pleasant doesn't it...NOT... But I don't really know what to tell people how to help out...for example I can't really tell people to come over and do my dialysis because mom and I trained together...its a lot different than general nurse stuff and there is a lot you have to learn...and we aren't really supposed to let anyone else do this stuff who hasn't been trained unless I go to a clinic...which truthfully with all mom has to do doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now even though its harder on your body and takes longer...but I don't want mom to have to take care of me  or be worried about me or anything...gosh things would be so much simpler if I had a new kidney that worked in my body right now... Besides that today has be...

So much is going on at our house... Dad is home so that is a pretty big deal...yesterday when he came home there was a welcome party here for him...made up mainly of church people...I think it was good for him to see how much he is loved and was missed...and then the twins got us lunch at Arthurs...so that was fun...other people have been visiting today as well helping out around the house and with him...that has meant a lot to me...things can get kind of overwhelming around here especailly for mom as she has both me and dad to look after here...it is a little weird to try and find a new routine while we are trying to get some other stuff done as well...still sometimes pretaining to the accident...not gonna lie...its rough and there has already been a lot of crying going on in this household...and mom is already feeling pretty worn out...she napped today almost the whole time I was on dialysis and she almost never naps for that long...its a little alarming to think about what life wi...

I feel the need to apologize for something I said three weeks ago...I mentioned that I was frustrated with what I called the "petty arguments" going on at my church right now...and I apologize for that...maybe I should have expanded more...maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all...I am upset about this because of the hurt that I see in peoples lives and that hurts me...both sides from what I have seen are hurting a lot and we should be building up and encouraging one another through all this and I am not sure that we are doing that...I probably shouldn't have opened my mouth at all since I don't really know at all what has been going on because so many other things have been going on in our lives that have kept us pre-occupied...I was also in a bad mood that day because I was frustrated with my life...I have a lot of days where I can't believe this is my life and I let my frustrations about that bleed over into other things and I shouldn't have...I am ...

So I just got back from camp today...and some pretty awesome stuff happened...like we got two new brothers in Christ...one of them even prayed the prayer in front of everyone...so cool...makes me cry thinking of it...it was amaze-balls... And my girls...let me just say I had the best cabin ever...I had to sort of fight for some of them...and I made the "best trade ever" of the year at our "drafting" so that was great...and man was it so worth it...they were honest and open and willing to learn and ask questions...and as the older at girls at camp they were great princesses...which is great because for our little devos we talked about princesses and being like princesses...which is surprising that I would choose to talk about that since I have always hated being called a princess...but as lessons it worked out great and the girls really lived up to it... I also had a dreally great co-counselor in my best friend Nicole...she was so great at asking questions and ge...

Don't worry its not anything major...no more accidents or crazy health issues...none the less its bad...doubt...fear...insecurity...nerves...about camp have set in...I am starting to doubt all that I planned...doubt my ability...doubt that I should even be doing this even though it will be my fourth year counseling at senior camp...which is our churches camp for high school aged campers...I doubt that I will be useful...that I will have anything good to say or to teach the girls I will have in my cabin...I'm fearful that they will thinking "gosh B we've heard this a million times don't you have anything better to say"...I am fearful that since I will have outgoing senior girls that their last year won't be memorable enough or fun enough...that they will leave disappointed... But I have to remember the campers never leave disappointed... And I have to remember that right out of high school the Deans of camp asked me to come and trusted me to counsel on ...

And while mom and I are at camp guys from the church and from our family and who are just friends will be over getting the house ready for this guy... The guys that were over yesterday got the ramp most of the way done...but the group that will be coming over is going to finish that and widen doors in the house...also put in our new washer and dryer and who knows what else...not sure what my house will look like when I get back from camp but I guess that is part of the adventure... So this is my 101 post!!!! kind of a big deal...well at least to me it is...the 100th was a big deal but I forgot to mention that so I thought I would mention 101 instead... It is kind of crazy to think I have posted that many times but I guess my life is kind of crazy so I have a lot to post about...and evidently people like it since I keep hearing of people who read it and think it's cool...which is still a little weird for me...I remember in this movie I used to watch the main character had a...

I'm riding the d-train...which means I am on dialysis...and if you are curious this little sucker is what a get stuck with everyday...twice... and yes that is the needle compared to a pencil...maybe someday I will post a video of me getting stuck but for now that's what you get...a picture of a needle and a pencil... Something else that is going on right now is a bunch of male relatives are over building a ramp for dad off the back of our house... Mind you this was a while ago so they are much further along because despite the heat they are working like crazy...my uncles have been wanting to work on something since dad's accident first happened...and if you didn't read it in mom's thing the wood was donated!!!!!!!! how cool! just another reason why I love living in a small town... And since multiple people have asked I still have one summer class to finish that I am taking right now...and so far it would appear I am the only one in the class...a...

I'm kind of peeved about a lot of things...and overwhelmed with life... I think it's a lttle ridiculous that all this drama is going on at our church over petty things when the people in my family (myself included) are having enough trouble just staying alive...when are we going to figure out what is actually important and what is just our opposing opinions...I'm sick and tired of life and feeling nasty and frankly I don't want to have to put up with other people's crap too... Now that I got that out of my system...I'm not sure what else to talk about... I haven't been feeling the best...and despite popular belief that I don't complain...this girl is a major moody mandy...I'm not to fun to be around sometimes...but luckily I have my mom who puts up with it saying that most people would complain more...and my best friend Nicole still hangs out with me cause she still loves me even when I am a pain in a ass...so that's nice...even Bob Bates t...