stories of a real life wonder woman

Something I have been thinking about a lot lately is confidence and humility...I guess because I feel like I don't know where the line is between the two... Like I am very confident in myself and my abilities...but where do I let my confidence end and my humility take place and vise versa... For example people tell me they like my hair a lot...and I say thanks and sometimes if I know the person well enough I say I like it too...which makes sense to me cause if I didn't I would get a different haircut...or when it comes to people thinking I am cool...I know I am not every ones cup of tea but I tend to think I am pretty great...if I didn't I would change...but I like me...I think I am fun to be around...which I think is a good thing because I can't get away from me... But I am not sure if other people get that or understand that...when it is really not any secret or mystery...I am just confident...I figure God thinks he did a good work in me so who am I to argue wit...

I feel like my emotions are everywhere and I can't control them...I guess if I weren't a sick person I might be put on some med to keep my emotions from being so whacked...but when you are living in a body that is sick that is all pretty normal...it is also normal to feel like your head is everywhere when you deal with death on a daily basis...on top of that another side effect of kidney failure is insomnia so that doesn't help with the crazy up and down emotions either... It goes a little like this...I have a great day...and then I can't stop crying at the end up the day...feeling like my life is a mess...and then I get upset at myself that I can't be happy and celebrate the good things...I know it sounds like I'm bi-polar or something...but I swear when I am not as sick as I am now I am not this way... For reals these are normal side effects of kidney failure...along with the swelling and itching and pain and other annoy things my body decides to do the em...

First I should say my birthday was pretty great...facebook was blown up with purple...and so was my phone...so that was super great...definitely made me feel special and loved...so that's kind of a big deal...all day I would think nothing can top this...and then someone else would do something incredible that would top it...there was Dom's purple hair...Chris's purple shirt that he drew...the present from JoJo that was all moustache stuff...the balloon arch at Salamandra's...the singing moustache card from my nephews...and so much more...it felt good to celebrate my day with my family and friends...and to celebrate with PURPLE and MOUSTACHES...the moustache part wasn't planned but ended up being pretty darn great...I'm so glad that people know me and my love of weird things like facial hair... Besides what happened on my birthday this week has been a little on the stinky side...which I feel bad about...shouldn't I just be celebrating that I had a birthday ...

Last year on my birthday I posted something witty about how you should thank/congratulate my mother for giving birth to me...I got the idea a few years ago from Jamie Lee Curtis when she was on Ellen because it made so much sense to me when she said it is a day really for a mother and their child...what Jamie Lee Curtis does with her mom is much funnier than my simple words but I can't help but want to celebrate my mom on my birthday as well...I mean without her I would not be here... Today I would like to thank more than just my momma though... So first to my parents...thank you for creating me...even though I was a surprise baby....and for raising me even though I continue to be full of surprises... And once again thank you to my mother for birthing me...sorry I was stubborn even as a baby and decided I didn't want to be born even after your water broke... To my daddy thank you for always providing for me making sure that I had a roof over my head and the meds that I ...

One that has more to do with the title and my nickname...I couldn't get the picture as the background so this is as good as it gets... And the new pictures also means that I got some pictures back from my photo session with Chris and well they are super great... A lot of them make me look super classy and I love them...I also have been thinking how funny it is that I am dressed so nice in all of them...I feel like people might start expecting my A game all the time...when really if you were to stop by my house you would most likely see me in my PJ game...ok so maybe it's only me who thinks that's a funny joke...but it's true... I don't know if ya'll have caught this yet or not but I am turning 23 this week...crazy...I have been thinking about that a lot...about how many times I should have died...and about all the fun things I have been able to do in this life...I mean some things aren't that great...like it is a little weird that when I go to KSB Hos...

A campaign to get people to wear purple for my birthday...the other day I made my grandparents buy purple shirts...they are in town from Arizona and have no purple with them...well my grandma doesn't really own any purple...which is a problem...but now she owns one purple shirt...i have been telling people though to wear purple and if I won't see you that day then text me a picture of you in your purple or post a picture on facebook...I would love that so much...we'll cal that your birthday present to me...since I don't want anything else...the only thing that I told my mom I wanted was the P!nk CD that comes out the day before my birthday...so I am pretty sure she is planning on getting it... What also might be nice is to have a match for my birthday but I already sent in the blood for this month and nothing...so I doubt that will happen... To be honest I am a bit nervous about this whole testing process...I posted the number for my transplant coordinator on facebo...

I have been posting and talking a lot about my future...about the classes I will need to take...about how it all scares me...and sometimes people will respond saying different things... Now I know you all mean well but sometimes I just want to tell you all to shut up...my being honest and open does not mean I want advice from everyone and their brothers on how to live my life...I already get enough instructions on how to live my life from my doctors...I really am just venting because I need to get some things off my chest and because I have continuously told myself that I need to be honest with those around me...so I am...but I don't really want people telling me what they think I should do or want them to give me their ideas about different things...like where I should go to school...the program I should go into...or what profession I should choose...it's already chosen... I know that you all mean well and that you are saying these things because you want the best for my l...

This probably will be really random...just so you know ahead of time... I have been thinking a lot about my birthday that is coming up...I am kind of excited...which is sort of new for me...I don't usually get excited about my birthday...I guess I always just figure very one has a birthday so what's so special about celebrating it...but it is really a celebration of you...which could also be why I don't always like birthdays because I don't always like the attention...but I feel like I am still learning that it is ok to make things about me sometimes...this year I think maybe I am looking forward to my birthday because of all that has happened in my life in the past year...the blood transfusion...the whole almost dying twice thing...being put on a transplant list...then put on hold on the transplant list because of the previously mentioned blood transfusions...then being put as active on the transplant list again...or all these other things not related to my health......

This morning I got in the car with my friend Taylor Quinton and we made the two hour drive to Peoria for my appointment with  my GI doctor and to just have some fun hanging out in Peoria... When we got to Peoria we got a little lost on the way to the doctor's office but still ended up being there 45 minutes early...but lucky for me that meant they got me in earlier and I got done about the time that my appointment was scheduled for...my GI doctor had a lot of questions for me and I had a few concerns for him...he wanted to know if I was having the same pain that I was having before...like six months ago or whenever that was...and then the pretty standard any blood in my stool or urine...blah blah blah...he was happy with how I was doing and wanted to lessen the dose of my stomach medicine...possibly take me off of it in a month or so...he also wanted me to come back the end of October beginning of November for another endoscopy...just to check on things and see how everything is ...

That getting stuck with needles for dialysis hurts really freakin bad...they say it's supposed to get easier and not hurt so much but that has yet to happen...maybe because my arms are so little...maybe because there is a nerve right by my button hole for my fistula...and maybe recently because there are bruises right around my button holes...how great...while mom is sticking me though I try to distract myself by looking out my window watching the cars go by...or whatever animal decides to pass my window...or if someone is outside people watching...which often means I am watching my across the street neighbor Art doing something weird...like the day he was laying in the neighbor's lawn talking on the phone watching a crew cut branches off of his tree...that day distracting myself worked...most days it doesn't...maybe I need to find something else to do... So I was a bit all over this week emotionally...physically...whatever...so this post maybe a bit all over the place......

First happy birthday...I am so glad you were born and so blessed that God brought us together...I cannot thank him enough for your friendship...he knew what he was doing when he brought Nicole Shaffer and Abby Frye together... I have been thinking a lot about all the things you bring into my life...the laughter...the wisdom...the late nights...the times at the drive-in...the food that we consume...the naps...the adventures...the stories... You inspire me to live recklessly and fearlessly...to break out of my comfort zone and do things that I would never before imagine to do...you help me to live life to the fullest...and that makes sense because that's how you live...you live like you want to drink all of life's goodness in...never missing a drop...even if you do know how to enjoy sleeping as well... I have been thinking a lot about the past year with you and I know mom has already said this many times but I am going to say it...I am glad you were here on October 26th 201...