stories of a real life wonder woman

I spent the day with my best friend, my mini brother, my mom, and my dad...and well it was a great day... I probably stood on  my feet for way to long since my feet and ankles and knees are swollen...and I probably didn't eat enough since my stomach has been acting up...and I am probably going to pay for so many things I did today the rest of the week... But you know what...it was well worth it... Because the day was great fun and I loved spending time with people that I love...we laughed so much and we shared the little wisdom that we have...and as we cut up shirts I kept thinking of all the great memories associated with those shirts...the times that changed me...the times when I cried and when I couldn't stop laughing...the times when I was supported and surrounded by people that I love...people that are brilliant and loving and some of the greatest people I know...the times that shaped who I am today... Like the times at His Oasis learning from Bill Waters or worshi...

So sometimes after I post something depressing...or when I sound fed up with my jacked up body people seem to think that means I am going to give up... I don't know how many times I have to clarify this but I don't have a choice in when I will be done fighting...I can't just "give up"...kidney failure doesn't really work that way...nor do I believe that life works that way either...so stop freaking out...get your panties out of a bind... The way I look it my situation would be the same as the way Robin Roberts recently described her fight to People Magazine..."People say to me, 'You're so strong.' What was I supposed to do? I want to live."...she also said something else that I too feel..."I want to give people hope. I want to let them know there is another day. I can be fearful or fearless. I choose to be fearless."...anytime I complain or get frustrated with where my life is right now...you need to know that after all of t...

I am not sure what to post about this Sunday...which could possibly be because I posted a few times during the week...or because I have been so tired all week...(my hemoglobin is higher than it has been but still low for a normal human being)...or it could be because I spent most of the day today watching videos on youtube... I will say that after my last post about dreaming big I sort of had a mental break down with my mom...here's the thing...I am great at saying the right words or words that sound good...I can easily sound smart and even wise at times...but I am not so good at following the things I say... For example I can blog about dreaming big and not letting other people's dreams define me...but then I still worry about what the people around me say about my dreams and what their dreams are...even if they secretly sound bat shit crazy to me...I want to go along with it because I want to make them happy...obviously I still need to work on that... My mini break down...

When I watch Tangled I like to think that the thug voiced by Brad Garrett is talking directly to me when he says "Go, live your dreams."...that's one of my favorite scenes in the movie (I also like how she ends the movie with short brown hair...but that's because I have always wanted a Disney princess to have short hair)...even though I picture the thug telling me to go live my dreams...I also imagine in this scenario I might be Flynn and that when said thug hears my dreams he would turn to me and say that my dream sucks... Too often my dreams are small and could be easily accomplished...sometimes they even come across as half-hearted requests....like I am asking for someone to get me a greasy nasty burger from McDonald's...(which would never happen because I am super picky about my burgers...but it was the best illustration I could come up with)...because usually when I think something would be sweet...like a dream I always tac on the "but whatever happens...

Ok so it's only for camp...so we only play together for a total of one week and one weekend out of the whole year...but we do have people that listen to us and sing along...since we play worship music...mainly I just wanted to say I'm in a band to sound cool...and I do want to talk about said band but first a little update... I went to a doctors appointment today...just the normal check up stuff...and nothing really changed...my blood pressure is still a little high so my meds are being changed around again for that...I'm kind of hoping that taking a higher dose of another one will mean I can get off the Tang colored one...I sort of thought it was funny today that I have been being truthful to my nurse about my blood pressure and she thought it was ok...but then today my doctor was all like, "this isn't good, we need to get this under control."...but you'll have that sometimes...other than that my doctor was cracking me up today...he can be really funny....

And that something would be that I really am not a sad sack all the freakin time...I know on here I can be negative and I sometimes talk about how I hate my life...but that is not my all the time attitude...sure I am unhappy that I don't have a donor match yet...and unhappy about other things...but that doesn't mean I'm sitting in my bed all day crying...so get that imagine out of your head... More often than not I am laughing...you know how there is always that one person who obnoxiously laughs at everything...yeah that's me...the other day when I was watching TV with my parents I was laughing so much they started making fun of me for it...the thing is I don't know how to write that in my blog because usually I am laughing at stupid, lame things that most people just ignore or roll their eyes at...me I figure why not laugh...so I've been laughing with friends...laughing when I read things on twitter...laughing when I see a funny picture on pinterest...laughin...

I was thinking this week about a conversation I had with some of my friends in Arizona one night at our life group...we talked about what we wanted to be known for...there were all sorts of answers...some of my friends said things like 'for being joyful' or 'for helping people' which are all great...and as I thought about my answer truthfully I thought it sounded like a Sunday school answer...you know what I'm talking about...when your in Sunday school and instead of being real you say what will make you look good or impress the teacher...like answering Jesus to every question...anyway I had a bit of a Sunday school answer in my head that day...but I decided to say it anyway because it was true and when I think about it my answer would still be the same... I want to be known for praising God no matter what my circumstances are...I didn't elaborate on it then but let me do that a little now... I want to be known for worshiping my creator and savior all the ti...

So I may have been slightly over doing it the past few days...but it kind of feels good...I mean yeah I am worn out...but I'm worn out because I have been doing so much...I've been doing so much because I feel good enough to do all this stuff...so that's a nice change... I guess maybe I should define the "so much" that I have been doing...Tuesday morning I was out of the house for about 2 hours getting groceries and running errands...and then I worked for an hour and a half...which is what I normally work...and I fell right to sleep...that's doing a lot of work for me and my low energy levels...sure they are getting better but my body is still used to running at low levels and not doing much...then today (Wednesday) I went into work early because the girl that usually works in the morning couldn't make it in...and since it's tax season and I work at a tax place they need somebody working our job...so I went in and I worked I think like four and a hal...

And deleted it because I never like anything I write... I want to badly to be positive this week...but I also want to be real...and sometimes it's hard to find a balance between the two...because most days of my life are kind of stinky...like most of this week I felt horrible because my new medicine was causing so many problems...so I spent a lot of time in bed...sure I still did stuff...like go to get groceries twice because we kept forgetting to put stuff on the list...and I started a job...I only work afternoons for like an hour and a half...I'm glad I have the energy for that but sometimes even after that I feel worn out...so that's a bummer...contrary to what seems to be popular belief though I do go outside of the house and do things like volunteer at the library...sure I feel like crap but I am not a shut in...and feeling like crap has never stopped me from doing things before...I've always been good at pushing through the pain...I sort of feel like it's a ...