stories of a real life wonder woman

I am not sure what to write about today. I haven't really done anything since I got the news on Wednesday. I have Thursday and Friday off because of the surgery and then when that got cancelled I still didn't go into work because someone had already filled my hours. Which is fine. After getting the news I did some retail therapy. It was nice feeling like I could get some things that I needed like dress pants for future interviews and jobs. So that was nice. And the drive to Rockford did make me feel like I could blow off some steam while driving and singing. That was really nice. That might have been the best part for me. And I know it might sound a little crazy that I am upset about my surgery being postponed but I really don't feel good. And I had just been in Peoria for emergency appointments because of bleeding.Because of that and the pain it was frustrating to hear that the doctor doesn't think my surgery is an emergency. And the nurse sounded sorry to be cal...

First about Monday - my doctor said that my fistula is doing good. I have good blood flow to my hand. The problem might be that the nerve that runs along my arm there could be getting irritated when I move my arm certain ways. He also said that he is not diagnosing me with this but it could be carpal tunnel. He told me to try and notice when it hurts and what I have been doing during the day that could have upset it. Also to wear a brace at night to get my hand to have some time in a normal position. I have done that the past two nights and have noticed that is helping. As for today - I got a call around 10:30 from my GI doctors office that he has an urgent surgery tomorrow so they were trying to figure out how to change his schedule around so that he could fit that in. He said that since he just saw me and thinks I am fine my surgery can wait. I am frustrated by that news but there really isn't anything I can do but reschedule. So I did and now my surgery will be April 14th. He ...

This week I will be in Peoria a lot. I have an appointment to see Dr. O'Connor who did my fistula surgery. I am seeing him about the problems I have been having with pain and swelling in my fistula. another recent development with that is that my hand  keeps getting tingly like it is falling asleep. I am guess that is from the blood flow being restricted in my fistula. Which is obviously awesome. Then I have surgery Thursday. We are heading to Peoria on Wednesday to stay the night since my surgery is early the next morning. I am not looking forward to waking up early. I'm not a morning person at all. Other than that I am pretty chill about it. I actually tend to get really relaxed in pre-op and even in the operating room. My body starts to go into rest mode because all of me knows I am going to have a great nap. I'm not nervous or anything. I just want to get it over with. The med he put me on to help with the pain is helping with the pain but it is causing other prob...

During my scope today (Wednesday) my GI doc. didn't see any bleeding so that is already over evidently. During my office appointment with him on Tuesday he didn't seem to understand why I was having pain or bleeding. So that was awesome. He did change my meds a bit to help with the nausea and pain. So I have actually been able to eat which is nice. I am frustrated with my body that it keeps having like a million freak out moments. And that it doesn't follow the norm and keeps confusing everyone. And I am tired of the pain. Besides just my insides hurting my arm has been giving me some grief. My fistula still is causing pain and discomfort, mostly at night after a long day. But sometimes during the day too. And I am so tired of fighting against my body. I'm just tired of fighting. I'm worn out ya'll. Another note on today. I almost made a nurse cry and she got me a little teary eyed. After getting me registered she rolled the chair over to my bed and ...

Last night and today when I have pooped it's been black which means there is dried blood in my stool. I am assuming that blood is coming from my polyps and that they are now bleeding worst since this hasn't been a problem so far. I haven't eaten much of anything today because when I try to eat my stomach hurts more than it already does. I called the GI doc's office first thing this morning and was waiting all day to hear back from him. Around 4 pm I called them back because I had received a call. Evidently my message got sent to the wrong person and this time around I got sent right to a nurse who sounded a little nervous. She had me do a blood test tonight at KSB to check my blood levels and I have appointment to see my GI tomorrow in Peoria. She is not sure what will happen. Sounds like they might admit me. But if I am being honest she sounded pretty unsure about what to do. The surgery I am having is usually only done once or twice a month on pre-set days. But ...

I have had some interesting days and have spent most of the weekend sleeping. Life has been wearing me out. I have been pretty busy at work. With only about four weeks until the end of tax season we have been very busy. On another note I have been thinking about taking summer classes. After having to take summer classes while at GCU I told myself I would never take them again. But now I am thinking about taking them because some classes I want are only offered during the summer. If I took them that would mean I would be done with my Master's at the end of summer. Classes are only 8 weeks long instead of 16. There are a lot of positives but I am not sure what all I need to do to be able to take the classes. The way they are described it almost sounds like I would have to apply to become part of the summer program. Since I don't know what all I have to do I sent an e-mail to my advisers and I am waiting to hear back from them. I would love to be done sooner and start seriousl...

I'm not really sure what to write about tonight. So this post kind of turned into a nothing post. I guess the first thing I will say is that it is now less than 20 days until my surgery. I am sort of wondering if I am going to have to have two like I did before. They couldn't get all of the last one in one surgery because I was losing a lot of blood. That was just with one polyp and now I have three the same size along with a few other smaller ones. On top of my stomach my blood pressure has been dropping too making me dizzy and weak. But because my pulse is still high sometimes my doctor doesn't want to take me off my blood pressure pill. And I don't know if I have said it before but being sick all the time is so tiring. I currently feel worn out all the time but life goes on so I have to suck it up. I did spend over half the day in bed today though since I didn't really have to get up. I haven't really been up to much worth writing about. Working and h...

Not sure what to post today. I still haven't been in the best mood. But on the positive side I have been laughing at work a lot. I have been going into work even though I have been feeling sick. Some days it does still get to bad to go in. The pain gets really bad some days. And foods are tasting a little funny because I feel so sick. Mostly though I have been thinking about how people call me strong and a fighter when I am neither of those things. The truth is if I had the choice I would curl up in a ball and give up. It is God who is strong and who is a fighter. He is the one who keeps me going. He is the one who continues to hold me up and say that we will get through this together. And so I lean into him trusting that there will be a happy ending and a reason for what feels like madness. Also I have had people asking me if there will be a change in my medicine. As far as I know the answer at the moment is no. I don't know if my doctors are sure about what else t...