stories of a real life wonder woman

Hey there, First you should know that being on break has improved my mood incredibly. I am feeling less stressed and less frustrated. Second you should know that it wouldn't be Christmas break with my family without someone being sick or needing surgery. This time it is not me which is a change. Instead it is my mom. She has three bulging discs and one of them is I guess leaking and that is causing pressure to be placed on one of her nerves. So on Thursday she is having surgery to take care of that. If things go according to plan then it will be an out patient surgery with an incision that can be covered by a band-aid. Prayers for that as always would be appreciated. The past two days I have been scanning family photos and I have to say that even though I still have tons and tons to do (when I hit 40 photos mom said "Only 40 million more to go.") I am enjoying it immensely. Though I have been scanning pictures where I am too young to really have memories of those th...

Hey There, So I am not really sure what to say which is why I have been putting this off for days. I am feeling a bit like I want to cross posting to my blog off of my to do list and that is not often a good reason to write. But here we are anyway. As previously mentioned in last weeks post I am just grouchy and frustrated with people. Still having a hard time shaking that and I know it is in part because I am ready for a break. I do have a break from work coming up in a few days and I am so looking forward to that. I am hopeful that by having that time to sleep in and stay in my sweatpants all day it will be like a reset button for my mind and mood. And I am in need of that. And I am sure I am not the only one who is looking forward to time with family and a bit of a break. (Though I am also sure some of your will be very busy over the next few days for the holidays.) And well I guess that's all I got. I mean I have been trying to think of things to post for days. And even...

Hi Everyone, So I wasn't going to post today because I have been grouchy and frustrated and that is never a fun mood to write in. And I tend to think no one wants to hear me crab on and on about life. But then I got thinking about how I want to have more things checked off my to-do list. And then I thought about how I am honest about other things in life so way not also be honest about this. Now I am not going to go into details about all the things I am grouchy about because some of it is just my frustrations with people and airing them here when I am sure my opinion will change would just be mean spirited. And some of it is frustrations with work and frankly I think overly talking about work on here is 1) boring and 2) unprofessional. So just think about it like this - at the moment it feels like anything you could name I could rattle off reasons I am frustrated with that thing or person or idea or whatever. And I do think it is a normal part of life to have time when you...

Hey, So this week has been a bit rough. As some of you may have seen I have been sick with what may be a cold again. So here's what's going on. I had been taking vitamin C to help me recover from the cold I had. I decided to stop taking it because I was getting a bit of diarrhea and that is never fun. A few days after I stopped taking it I started feeling sick again. This time my only symptom has been a sore throat. Still no fun when you don't have much of a voice. And so I thought "Ok, I'll do vitamin C again." I started to feel a bit better again but not before having one of those days where you are grouchy sick. You know, not quite as sick anymore but still not feeling great and just wanting to punch everyone in the face. I'm not afraid to say it grouchy sick days are a thing for me more often than I would like. On this day I did go into work for a little bit and a lady I sort of work with (she is IT and I am library but IT is in the library a lot a...

Hey there, So first I have a few things to add/correct from last weeks post. First correction - I wrote that I had a leg bag in 2nd grade when it was really 3rd grade. On the plus side both my 2nd and 3rd grade teachers were great and at the time (and possibly still) were best friends and were fantastic with dealing with me pre and post transplant. Second correction - I wrote that I had a hemoglobin of 2.2 and was life flighted and then a week later after briefly being home went back after having seizures because of brain swelling. But I flipped those. It was seizures released and then 2.2 hemoglobin. Both times life flighted. Both times unsure if I would live - well actually with the seizures they did not know at all what was going on and with the 2.2 hemoglobin all the nurses were like, "You should be dead. I have never sen anyone with a 2.2 and be alive." Sometimes it is very easy to get things mixed up because so many things happened and so much of life felt like ch...

Hey there, So I thought about posting about the adventure that was this past week. It was not a fun adventure. Even though I often comment that I am a filthy hippy who doens't shower it was hard and frustrating to not have a working shower all throughout the week. And then not consistently get the help I needed from the people at Lowe's who were supposed to be able to help me. When you end up feeling like you know more than the Lowe's "plumbers" after only a few days of trying to solve your problems that can be frustrating. But I guess learning a lot is a good thing. Anyway this ended up happening - I ended up getting most of the pieces we needed (and learning a lot about pipe sizes and converting pipe sizes with different pieces) and daddy came and put it all together for me. I am so thankful he did because if he didn't even with me having the right pieces I still won't have a working shower because putting that all together takes a lot of strengt...

Hey there, So it's Sunday night as per usual i don't know for sure what to write about. I keep thinking about maybe writing a little recap of life and about things that I deal with on a daily basis because of being sick in part for the newcomers to my blog but also because I don't feel like I often do an adequate job at explaining life as a person with chronic kidney disease. But since I am still sort of unsure how to go about that that idea for now is still simmering on the back burner. What I will do is share this - https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ It's a little lengthy but this person does a great job at explaining everyday as a sick person and explaining spoon theory. Since I am still recovering from a cold I have been thinking about my spoons even more. Being sick on top of being sick is always a spoon stealer. That has made days this past week long and tiring but I've made it. Sometimes when you are thinking...

Hey there, Health update - I am mostly feeling better today. My cold seems to mostly be gone. I have a cough as the last sign of a cold. The only other thing is that my body is completely wiped out from trying to fight this cold. So I still have been on my couch pretty much all day. I guess I should explain wiped out more - because my body has been trying to fight this cold I have zero energy today. I have been dizzy most of the day. Getting up can make it worse. And I am very tired. But I am still feeling way better than I did most of the week. Going into work tomorrow should not be a problem. Speaking of - overall last week I worked a total of a day. I kept trying to go in but then wouldn't be able to stop sneezing or had no voice. When you work at what could be called the service desk of a library none of that is good or helpful. Thanks for all the support via facebook this week as I have semi chronicled what this week has been like. Since I have spent so much time on th...

Hey ya'll, First - I have gone about two weeks while only taking I think one stomach pill. So that feel really good. Makes me feel like my stomach is finally healing. Though this week it has been acting up a little but I am sick so of course my body is going crazy. Which leads me to second - I am sick. I went into work on Monday for two hours and pushed myself through them getting done what I wanted to get done and then thought "why am I doing this?" And went home. When you are unsure if any sound will come out when you open your mouth that can make days working at a library circulation desk very hard. It's hard to help people when they can't hear you. Also when my supervisor heard me answer the phone when I was getting ready to leave I think she chuckled a little because it is sort of funny. Anyway I have been home trying to rest but mostly coughing and blowing my nose both of which can make my throat hurt more which kind of makes me want to cry. I did go to ...

Hey there, Not quite sure what to post about this week. I am sure some of you saw that I worked outside on my house this weekend trying to take care of the yard. I did overdo it and I don't know how I didn't pass out either day. But I'm mostly fine now so whatever. Ha. Even though I overdid it it does feel very good to have those things done. I knew it would feel good to have my own place and be investing in my own place with every little thing I did. But it is feeling even better than I imagined. So even though I did more than my sick body can totally handle I do feel very good that I am taking care of my house. That is a confidence booster for me. Speaking of confidence. I recently realized that some of what I thought was confidence in myself has actually been pride. And that pride has been causing me to have negative thoughts and emotions about a lot of things. The majority of those things focus around my job and when you are negative all day at work that is no fun...

Hey all, Time for another Tuesday post. Though this time I haven't posted mostly because I am not sure what to post. I spent some time with my parents this weekend. I didn't go because we were celebrating and we didn't do much of anything but it was a nice weekend. I just think my parents are great and sometimes I just want to be in their presence even if all we do is watch documentaries on Netflix. (which is what mom and I did most of Saturday.) It was also my first weekend away from my house since moving in and that was a little nerve wracking also because it was the first time we have had thunderstorms since I moved in. Not knowing what is going on at your house during a storm is a weird thing. You know you couldn't do anything if there was a problem and you were home but you also know that at least it wouldn't be as big of a surprise all at once. But nothing went wrong so all is well. On the health front my doctor has raised one of my medicines again. My...

Hey there, So Sunday I was feeling like I needed to take a mental health day from life. And though it ended up great it also left my thoughts too cloudy to post. Then last night I ended up facetiming with my brother Kenny and that was more important than posting to my blog. So here we are. It's Tuesday and I'm a hot mess. Part of my mental health day Sunday was reminding myself that though I like to think I can do things myself I cannot. The most recent example is all the pressure I have been putting on myself. With my job I think that if I can just work hard enough and show that I am valuable that somehow that will change the whole entire public school education system budget in my state. Ok in reality no. But in the back of my mind I am always fearful of what if smaller publicly funded schools like the one I work at have to shut down. And somehow that computes as if I work hard enough that won't be a problem. That makes no economic sense but that's what my mind ...

Hey, So I know I said last week that I might start posting on Mondays and here we are on Sunday and I am posting. But I have some different thoughts/thing on my mind so I thought why not post. NOw the question is can I remember them all. First this album came out recently - And I am digging it. And as per usual Matt Maher's music is speaking to my heart. So you know - check it out maybe. Second I thought I would give a little update for those of you who are following what is going on with my church. I know some of you were praying when I was trying out churches and trying to figure out where I maybe fit. And then rejoiced when I said that I had found a church. And then a few of you rejoiced some more when I mentioned a few months ago that the people I sit by in church were trying to encourage me to be on the worship team (and some of you agreed and tried to gently push as well - Gary.) Well today I did it. And others told me it went well. And not that it didn't I j...

Hey there, So I am thinking I might change to posting on Monday night's but we will see what happens. My mom put the idea in my mind awhile a go. And I am still thinking about it. I am more often than not in a better mood on Monday night after the week has started. But I am also usually tired after work and don't want to do a thing. So...who knows. I will keep you posted on what I decide, if I decide anything. I may just continue to post whenever I feel like it as long as it is once a week. I just took a week off and I kind of wish it was longer. I mean it was nice to get into work and have the new librarian excited that I was back because she has been running the library alone for two days. And I kept telling myself that I had a whole week off so I couldn't be grouchy about being back at work. I would like to think I did good at getting work done but also relaxing. The truth is that even when I was relaxing I was thinking about all the things I still wanted done at m...

Hey guys, The past few days I have been thinking a lot again about Psalm 23. What has been resounding in my head yet again is the second verse "He makes me lie down in green pastures." And I know a lot of time there can be like this flowery goodness behind this Psalm but for me this line sometimes is a smack in the face because of those first three words - he makes me. Guys I so often think I know what is best for me. I think I know my body best, know my mind best, know myself best, know my limits best, and the list goes on. When it comes to humans I think that is most true. I know myself better than any human does because I am a soul living in this body and I have learned to an extent to listen to how it feels. But I forget that that does not mean I know me - soul nor body - better than my Heavenly Father does. And sometimes because I don't listen the first few times when he tells me to take a break he has to get me to see how much a need it. I have been thinking...

Hey, So first I feel like I should disclose that most of tonight's blog post was written this morning during church. After Sunday School I was feeling like I needed to say some things and I guess felt semi-inspired to write. And since that does not always happen for me I wrote these things out during the sermon. Sorry pastor. Truthfully I should probably share these things in class as well but for now I am sharing them here. Second - it's world suicide prevention day and guys this is so important. Too many lives are cut short for various reason and that is not ever ok. We were all made for more than being a story that is cut way too short. I was made for laughing, for writing, for guiding students in their research, for braving through the hard days with my family and for long nights spent with dear friends. I was made to stay until God says "come home" and so were you. Stay. Now for the main thing I wrote after Sunday School - I've been going to Sunday Sc...

Hey there, So yesterday around 6:00 am, or right before I woke up and my legs were in a lot of pain. Cramping and spazzing and no good. And then when they calmed down a little the rest of my body felt so sick. OS then I took it easy all day. And then forgot about posting until late and by that time thought "Forget it, I have tomorrow." I would say one of the hard parts for me about this house is not always getting to work as long or as hard as I want to. I mean I have been doing better at listening to my body and trying to relax. But as per usual I do feel a bit limited by my body. That is always frustrating to me no matter the situation. But I did get the main thing done I wanted to do this weekend. And I even spent some time in the pool. And so even when I am frustrated with my body I have to remind myself to look at those positives. And really there were a lot of positives this week. I have a sort of half bath in my basement and no longer have to walk up the st...

Guys! It feels so incredible to be in my house! I figured when I moved in it would feel good because I would be in one place and in a place that I own. But I did not expect the calmness that I currently feel. I love having things organized and put away and as such the last two times that I moved I unpacked everything within something like 48 hours. This time I feel like I don't care how long it takes me because I am here. In my house. Sure I have unpacked somethings. I mean I unpacked my clothes and got my closet set up because it has been making me smile just thinking about how all my clothes would be in one room instead of in the closets of every room. And I have unpacked a few other things as I have realized I needed things. But instead of unpacking in a feverish panic like I have done before I have been doing a lot of relaxing on my couch being happy to just be here. After the past few weeks that were filled with stress and anxiety it feels good to be here and rest. To ...

Oh my gosh you guys. I can't get over this - I have been thinking about how I went to that other church for months and no one even talked to me. And I haven't been going to this church long and I get this when the ladies in my Sunday School find out I bought a house. Seriously! I mean it's a pretty huge deal that I even feel comfortable enough to go to Sunday School. And this! Ugh! I love this! I mean always love seeing the body be the body but to be invited into and included in the body - amazing! Also I kept thinking during the day that my friends that got upset when they heard no one was talking to me at the other church will be beyond thrilled to see this. Also this feels good on another level. Even with buying the house I still have been a little freaked out by how this makes things feel even more permanent. Living here, working here, etc. And sometimes the doubts still kick in asking "Was this a good idea?" But today was one of many confirmations t...

So I'm a homeowner. How weird is that? In like a cool way. Ha. It's a little crazy. And I have been doing good I think about not getting to freaked out about things. I have been just trying to work on things when I can and the things that I can. It's exciting that the house is mine. And that alone does have me feeling less anxious because I can go check on things after a big storm. And I mean go check on things because I don't live there yet. I decided that since my rent was due a few days before my house closing I would take the month to try to get some things done before moving in. I live close though so that is nice. Anyway I have been trying to just work and not get overwhelmed or frustrated but it is obvious I have been since I freaked out a little today. And as per usual it was after noticing something else that was done wrong that is an easy fix. Also as per usual it wasn't actually about the thing that was noticed. And also as per usual it is because I am ...

Hey there, First these few things - 1) Tuesday will be a pretty busy day for me. I have an upper endoscopy in the morning. It's the yearly look at my stomach to see what is going on with those polyps that love to develop there. When they looked a year ago they found nothing. This year I am hoping for the same because it may mean that I would stop going for a yearly look which would be great. But since I have had some nausea recently I am sort of hoping that they do something because that would give some reason to the nausea other than stress. 2) Tuesday will also be busy because I am closing on my house in the afternoon. I am excited and nervous. Mom will be here for that since she will be taking me to the endoscopy. Mom has not yet seen the house nor has dad so it will be fun for mom to see the house for the first time. I still get nervous about the decision I made to buy the house thinking maybe it was wrong but there's no going back now. And that is only part of the re...

Hey all, Not a lot to post this week but I figured since I didn't post last week I would this week. First I want to say that I love that I keep hearing about people who are excited for me and my house. It should be an interesting and fun adventure. Close day is a little over a week away. And since I was asked this today I am not planning on having a house warming party. I am grateful and thankful for the people who are in my life but inviting you all over at one time to my house sounds daunting and a little suffocating. I truly mean no offense to anyone I just am one of those people that feels uncomfortable in large gathering or with lots of people in my space. Other than than I was thinking about how I don't really talk about my health on a daily basis now since I am not on dialysis. But I still have daily struggles. This week was amplified by feeling horribly sick all week. The brand of a medication I am on was changed which caused my body to overreact with all the side...

Hey there, So I guess first I will start with a little health update. For a while now I have been trying to wean myself off of a medication per my GI doctors orders. It has been tough and my body has really not liked it at times. Recently I have been feeling like progress has been made and that is a great feeling. That progress feels even better knowing that though that medicine was at one point helping my stomach it is also one that can be very hard on my kidneys and on bones. So that is feeling like a pretty big win right now. On the house front I am currently considered under contract to buy a house. Inspections were this past week and they went really great. That was possibly one of the most amazing things for me to hear this week. Inspections were on Thursday and Wednesday I was a mess. I have been worrying a lot about some things. To this point my parents have not yet seen the house and won't see it until closing day or after. That has been nerve wracking for me for a lot...

Hi All, So I suppose for those of you who saw my tweet/facebook post Friday night you are wondering what happened? Well my offer was accepted and my closing day is in a month! Ah! I keep sort of laughing about it because I am excited/nervous and because the house is lovely. I am excited for it to be mine. And excited that some of the things that I have always dreamed about but never even dared to dream out loud about them are in this house. God knows. And he is good. Not going to lie, it feels pretty good to see the goodness of this gift right off the bat. Blown away by him. Something else that is going on is that Senior Camp is starting today and it is weird for me to not be there. I still believe being done for now is the best decision for me but I do feel the ache of not being there. But instead of dwelling on that I thought I would share some of my favorite memories through the years of being out there. Also warning this could get long because when I talk about camp sometimes i...

Hey there, So if you have seen my social media posts I am sure you know that yesterday was a blast for me. I got to spend quite a bit of time with my nephews. Gosh those boys bring so much light and laughter into my world and I wish I could take all the bad out of theirs. I took the 3rd and the 5th off of work in part so I could watch the fireworks in my hometown since last year I did not see fireworks. I didn't want to have to drive back late or super early to get to work the next day so I didn't watch them in my hometown. And I had no idea where they were shot off in my current city so I just stayed home. This year I decided I wanted to see fireworks so I decided I would watch them with my family. During parts of the day I would think "Is this worth it?" And I often didn't know. But then at the fireworks hearing my nephews run around with their friends laughing and making up stories - I love it. And I thought "This is worth it." And really I had ...

Hey everyone, Not really sure what to write today. That is part of the reason I didn't post yesterday. I don't really feel like I have much to say. I decided to take a few days off of work so I could enjoy relaxing around the 4th and so far that has been nice. Went to the parade yesterday which is one of my favorite parts of the year. Parades are just so fun and in small towns like where I am from the parade is a celebration of the community filled with familiar faces. I love that. I guess all I really have to say today is I hope you are taking some time to celebrate and relax as we remember the rebels that took a chance on founding this nation.

Hey, I am posting late because I was debating not posting but since I was still thinking about it I told myself to just post and get it over with so I wouldn't keep thinking about it. My grandparents were here all weekend and then my sister, her husband, and their baby came today. It was fun to see them and show them around my town. I stressed out about it all beforehand much more than I should have but with stuff happening downtown that I knew my grandparents would like I wanted to try to see some of that with them. And I wanted to show off the good of my town - the best places to eat, the fun places to shop, the history that is celebrated, the cool old houses, the things I have come to love no matter how weird those things may be. And I think maybe it was a success. My grandparents seemed to like my town. And my sister and her husband are already talking about coming to see me again. My heart is full but my body is so tired. And on top of that my mind is racing a little. ...

Hi all, So I was grouchy Sunday and thought "I can post tomorrow night." But then last night I forgot. I actually didn't remember until this morning on my way to work. Ha - oops. Spent the weekend and part of the week with my fam. And during the week I got to see a dear friend who currently lives out of the state. Seeing her even for brief periods of time are encouraging and balm for my often tired soul. Today I am feeling unsure of what to write. Yesterday marked four years since my second transplant. Four years with Alex keeping me alive. Thursday will mark 26 years since I first got sick and 19 years since my first transplant. These days often feel bittersweet. I am glad to be alive but I am acutely aware of not only the loss of Alex's life but the loss of a healthy life for me. I have never known a day without medications. I have never known a day when my body wasn't a huge mess that I am fighting against. Don't get me wrong I am most days ...

Hey all, So as many of you know I have been thinking about what the future might look like for me. And that has meant sort of looking at houses here. I say sort of because I have only really looked at one and now my realtor will be off work for about two weeks which gives me a lot of time to think. Time to think is good. I like time to think and feel like I can better weigh the pros and cons. And think of more questions I might have and think about things I may have never thought about before. But time to think also means more time to get nervous and sort of freak out. More time to think about all the ways something good could go bad. And time to second guess the things I think I want. Which also means more time to feel overwhelmed at times about all there is to consider. More time to wonder if this is right or not. And I am great at thinking that I need to make the smartest, wisest, most logical, perfect decision I could possibly make. Which obviously is a lot of pressure to p...