stories of a real life wonder woman

But I thought I would let you all know how my endoscopy went... Some of you know that this time last year they found a large and in charge ulcer in my stomach that was swollen a lot...almost so much to close off my stomach from my intestines...thankfully it didn't get that large and in charge...but it did cause a lot of pain when my body was trying to digest things and it still does every now and then...they checked it a few times to make sure it wasn't cancerous and it wasn't... Well since it's a year later they wanted to check it again...and I think we were all expecting it to either be gone or to be a little guy now...it's not...so he took some biopsies again to see if it was cancerous but he doesn't think it will be... But because it's a year later and it's still a beast I have to go to an appointment in about 4 weeks to talk about my options for removing it...he said today that he wants to do that since I am young and have a lot of life left..

This weekend was BOND at RRBC...it's were people from Senior camp get together in the fall to have a time of refreshment...and even though I am pretty sick with a cold it still was great...one of the things we did right away on Friday night/Saturday morning was watch this video of Senior camp... My friend Chris Padgett made the video...he's the same one that took those amaze-balls picture of me...and well needless to say we loved it...I can't stop watching it...I love the part where you can see my cabin praying with our hands in the middle...and I love hearing Gary speak at the end with the road to camp showing...SO COOL... In this video I told my future self to expect great things...and I am finding that is something I still need to work on...I tend to fear the worst...I told my girls a little about this when I felt like I had a great little nugget of wisdom for them the other night and as soon as I shared with them I started to fear that I am never going to have an

The past few days have been a little nuts...so if I seemed out of it and unresponsive it's because I didn't really know what to do or think...also if you talked to me and I didn't tell you about what I am about to write about please don't get mad...we weren't really telling anyone what was going on for a lot of reasons...of all the people we know I think we only told maybe 7...and it was family and then people my parents work with in case they would have to leave quickly... So here's what happened...late Sunday night I was super tired so I was trying to sleep when my phone rang...I didn't know the number so I didn't answer...I don't normally do that because I know it could be my doctor or someone calling but at this point I thought who would be calling me from the medical field at this time...even though I knew it was a Peoria number...a little bit later I heard my mom's phone ring and she answered because it came up on her phone as OSF...while

I am realizing that I am having a problem with relaxing...sounds weird I know...but I get it from both my parents...I joke that neither of them know how to take a vacation...or sit still...and well that's becoming me...which isn't really good because when you are sick you need to rest and not do so much...but I keep telling myself I have to do stuff because I told people I would do it and I can't back out of that...the reality is though that I haven't made any promises and everyone around me understands that one day my health could be stellar and the next day it could be shitty...and well my health proved that again this weekend...with my hemoglobin dropping down to 6.5...so we thought I was going to have to get a transfusion...but I didn't which is great...but then I came to the realization about the whole rest thing in church today when I was standing there singing thinking I feel like I could maybe pass out...number one sign you need to slow down in life...but al

My left arm has two needles in it and anytime I move it my machine freaks out....we will see how far I get with one hand... A lot of things recently have been reminding me of how sick I am...like my disability check that came in the mail...so glad I've been sick for so long and can't do anything so I can get one...not...most days its hard to even get out of bed...like today sure I went and got groceries but I felt dead afterwards...and I really hate when people talk about disability too...you don't know what it's like to live in your bed and not have the strength to go out much so shut your face...it's not like I take pride in being on disability...I hate it...I wish I felt good enough to have a job...or to go places...but when even nurses wonder how you function on a day to day bases...you know something is not right... But enough of being a downer for today... "On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the p

My mom recently mentioned that she is happy I have decided to do dialysis because she read a thing that says people with kidney failure at the stage I am at die within like 8 to 10 days without dialysis...and though I would never consider not doing dialysis I think it is good to know those things...I think people don't realize how sick I really am...like they see me at church looking good and laughing or out at the store getting groceries but they don't see me when I feel like I am going to throw up everywhere and/or pass out...I think it's also hard to be friends with me because there really is nothing you can do to help me...I mean sure you can spend time with me but I am sick and there is nothing anyone can do about that...that is hard to deal with...and I know people don't know what to say to me or do for me...so though I have friends my friends end up doing weird stuff with me...like bringing me lunch in the hospital when I am getting a blood transfusion...or comin

Ok I really just wanted to say that because my nephew Jeremiah kept yelling that tonight while they were all at our house...it really has nothing to do with my blog...unless you want to say that at the end of it cause my day was a little insane... So it started off with me telling myself I had to get my papers for my master application written because I really had no excuse...I did get to interview Lynn Roe the director at the Dixon Public Library the other day for my one paper...so I couldn't be like I still have to do the interview...I wrote the papers in no time because well I'm a paper writing pro...knocked those bad boys out of the park in about an hour and half...it would have been shorter if I wasn't on facebook during it...anywho I wrote them and then felt weird...like I just wanted to cry...and like I was proud of my work...guess that just goes to show that though people keep telling em I am a great writer I don't always feel like I am...maybe after I proof t

But there are some other things I want to say first as well... Well really it would more be like multiple things about one topic...that topic is my mother...people always commend me for how strong I am and whatever whatever...but I think people forget how hard it would be to be the parent of a sick kid...and have to take care of them all the time...and now on top of that mom has to take care of dad too...the things she does for us are incredible...like this weekend...she packed the car making sure we could get our stuff in there and dad's wheelchair and then every where we went she had to find a handicap parking spot or make one...and then she had to get his chair out of the car...and at the hotel she had to be the one to get his bed out...and that's not even all she did...she does so much and she gets overlooked so often and that frustrates me and saddens me...I hate that we are such forgetful people and I hate that she feels so left out so often...and really the simplest th

Because the truth is I am not just waiting for a kidney I am also getting sicker and sicker...and well it's no fun... Today my nurse called me with blood test results and my creatinine level is worst again...how fun...the creatinine level is a good way to measure your kidney function...the normal range for a good creatinine level is .6 to 1.2 for males and .5 to 1.1 for females...my creatinine from my most recent blood test is 6.2...so obviously that is not good at all... I keep trying to keep my cool and act like it doesn't bother me when we find out someone else isn't a match to be a donor but it does bother me...some days like today it bothers me a lot... And I know God has a plan and his timing is perfect and blah blah blah...but that doesn't really help on days like this...that doesn't help when I feel like shit and can't get any relief...that doesn't help when we find out someone else isn't a match and we have to go on waiting...that doesn

Is kind of nerve wracking...I thought maybe working on it would calm me down about it but it didn't really...at first...but then I went to the public library to see about interviewing a librarian...and well needless to say all the ladies there know me because I am in there a lot...besides them telling me I should call in tomorrow and make an appointment to come in and see the director...they were such an encouragement too me...they kept telling me I was going to do great on my application and in my classes...and as a librarian in  general...and even though other people have been telling me that it meant a lot coming from them...because they know me...and they work in the field I want to get into...so that was very exciting for me... And I am figuring out who I want to do my recommendations on my application too...this is when being a nerd my whole life comes in handy because the majority of the teachers I had liked me a lot...which means they would love to write a recommendation