The things we know now
The past few days have been a little nuts...so if I seemed out of it and unresponsive it's because I didn't really know what to do or think...also if you talked to me and I didn't tell you about what I am about to write about please don't get mad...we weren't really telling anyone what was going on for a lot of reasons...of all the people we know I think we only told maybe 7...and it was family and then people my parents work with in case they would have to leave quickly...
So here's what happened...late Sunday night I was super tired so I was trying to sleep when my phone rang...I didn't know the number so I didn't answer...I don't normally do that because I know it could be my doctor or someone calling but at this point I thought who would be calling me from the medical field at this time...even though I knew it was a Peoria number...a little bit later I heard my mom's phone ring and she answered because it came up on her phone as OSF...while mom was on the phone thinking I was asleep I checked my message and all the nurse said was who to she was and to call her back...I figured that she was calling because my hemoglobin was low and we already knew that...I hear mom on the phone though and then I hear her get kind of excited so naturally I go to see what's up because I have a feeling it's about me...especially since I heard the words "she's sleeping"...so I went downstairs and mom had just gotten a call after they tried to call me that OSF might have a kidney for me...a donor had come up (someone had died) and they were looking for people to donate organs too...I was third on the list for one of the kidneys...so they were calling to let us know...long story short they kept calling until Tuesday at around noon to say the two people before me got the kidneys...this was like the 5th call I got from them in a short amount of time...and let me say I suck at waiting so that time that was probably not even 40 hours felt like months...and well even though it wasn't news that I was getting the kidney it was a relief to not have to wait for those calls anymore...
I kept not knowing if I should plan for things...like to go to the grocery store...or to go to BOND this weekend...and well it was driving me crazy...and though I do want a kidney and to feel better...it didn't seem that simple...which I know sounds crazy...but BOND means a lot to me and so do the people that will be there...like the girls from my cabin at camp...and I get to use my gifts there which is a huge deal because I don't really get to do that...so even though getting the call was a bit disappointing it also felt good to not be waiting anymore...to finally fell like I could do something besides sit in my bed waiting for the phone to ring was nice as well...
Let me tell you some things I feel like I (and maybe my parents too) learned during all this...
First it's good to know my place on the list that I am now at the top...it's a little sad too because that means I am super sick and need a transplant worse than a lot of people...but it also means that people are getting transplants like the two people that got kidneys today...can't lie I'm excited for them and I don't even know them...
Second it was a reminder for me from God that he has not forgotten me...to often I feel like "where are you God?" "Do you see me?" Do you see that I am dying?"...so for me this was like he was saying that he does and He is working on it...it's in his timing not mine...I mean I have mentioned that I am impatient...
It was also a reminder to me in other ways...I was reminded that God is in control and he knows my worries...he knows that I am kind of nervous about one of my friends or family members having to go through pain so I felt like he was showing me he was taking that into consideration...not saying I am going to get a cadaver...mom would actually prefer for me not to have a cadaver because those kidneys don't last as long...I'm just saying God was showing me he knows me fears...but he knows what he is doing and he can handle it...
I was also reminded as I was sort of freaking out about what would happen over the next few days that God is faithful and unchanging...which was definitely something I needed during all this...and that nothing surprises him...he was ready for this little jolt to the system and he knew that I needed it...he knew that I was starting to sort of be like "whatever" about getting a kidney that would keep me alive...he knew my hope was waning and that I needed to be reminded that he is faithful and will complete his work in me...
All these reminders of how great God is and feeling like God was listening to me was really a great thing...and so I decided early this morning that if I had to choose I wouldn't turn down a kidney but I would rather go to BOND because now I feel like I am remembering that God can do great things...like giving me a kidney at any time...and that means another kidney could come up right away next week that matches like this one did...and God would be good...but if I have to wait longer than he is still good...He can do whatever he wants whenever he wants...and he wants to give me what I want...
So even though some people may be disappointed I just want to stress that this is a good thing...because I relearned some valuable things...and because God is in control and God is good
So here's what happened...late Sunday night I was super tired so I was trying to sleep when my phone rang...I didn't know the number so I didn't answer...I don't normally do that because I know it could be my doctor or someone calling but at this point I thought who would be calling me from the medical field at this time...even though I knew it was a Peoria number...a little bit later I heard my mom's phone ring and she answered because it came up on her phone as OSF...while mom was on the phone thinking I was asleep I checked my message and all the nurse said was who to she was and to call her back...I figured that she was calling because my hemoglobin was low and we already knew that...I hear mom on the phone though and then I hear her get kind of excited so naturally I go to see what's up because I have a feeling it's about me...especially since I heard the words "she's sleeping"...so I went downstairs and mom had just gotten a call after they tried to call me that OSF might have a kidney for me...a donor had come up (someone had died) and they were looking for people to donate organs too...I was third on the list for one of the kidneys...so they were calling to let us know...long story short they kept calling until Tuesday at around noon to say the two people before me got the kidneys...this was like the 5th call I got from them in a short amount of time...and let me say I suck at waiting so that time that was probably not even 40 hours felt like months...and well even though it wasn't news that I was getting the kidney it was a relief to not have to wait for those calls anymore...
I kept not knowing if I should plan for things...like to go to the grocery store...or to go to BOND this weekend...and well it was driving me crazy...and though I do want a kidney and to feel better...it didn't seem that simple...which I know sounds crazy...but BOND means a lot to me and so do the people that will be there...like the girls from my cabin at camp...and I get to use my gifts there which is a huge deal because I don't really get to do that...so even though getting the call was a bit disappointing it also felt good to not be waiting anymore...to finally fell like I could do something besides sit in my bed waiting for the phone to ring was nice as well...
Let me tell you some things I feel like I (and maybe my parents too) learned during all this...
First it's good to know my place on the list that I am now at the top...it's a little sad too because that means I am super sick and need a transplant worse than a lot of people...but it also means that people are getting transplants like the two people that got kidneys today...can't lie I'm excited for them and I don't even know them...
Second it was a reminder for me from God that he has not forgotten me...to often I feel like "where are you God?" "Do you see me?" Do you see that I am dying?"...so for me this was like he was saying that he does and He is working on it...it's in his timing not mine...I mean I have mentioned that I am impatient...
It was also a reminder to me in other ways...I was reminded that God is in control and he knows my worries...he knows that I am kind of nervous about one of my friends or family members having to go through pain so I felt like he was showing me he was taking that into consideration...not saying I am going to get a cadaver...mom would actually prefer for me not to have a cadaver because those kidneys don't last as long...I'm just saying God was showing me he knows me fears...but he knows what he is doing and he can handle it...
I was also reminded as I was sort of freaking out about what would happen over the next few days that God is faithful and unchanging...which was definitely something I needed during all this...and that nothing surprises him...he was ready for this little jolt to the system and he knew that I needed it...he knew that I was starting to sort of be like "whatever" about getting a kidney that would keep me alive...he knew my hope was waning and that I needed to be reminded that he is faithful and will complete his work in me...
All these reminders of how great God is and feeling like God was listening to me was really a great thing...and so I decided early this morning that if I had to choose I wouldn't turn down a kidney but I would rather go to BOND because now I feel like I am remembering that God can do great things...like giving me a kidney at any time...and that means another kidney could come up right away next week that matches like this one did...and God would be good...but if I have to wait longer than he is still good...He can do whatever he wants whenever he wants...and he wants to give me what I want...
So even though some people may be disappointed I just want to stress that this is a good thing...because I relearned some valuable things...and because God is in control and God is good
Comments
Post a Comment