Scars

I said quite some time ago that I would post a picture of my newest scar...and then I forgot...when I remembered I thought why not just do a post about my scars...I know people who have tattoos and show those off...but I don't have those instead my story is etched on my body in a different way...so here it is...and in some of them I tried to circle scars that I thought were hard to see but it may end up being easier to see them without my attempt at helping...

So these first two are obviously of my stomach...the scar with the one by it is hard to see but that scar is over 20 inches long...it wraps around my left side...you can see the end of it in the picture below...that is from my first transplant from when I was 8...the scar with the 2 by it is from my most recent transplant...which as you can tell is much smaller and is still a little red because it's still healing...the three scars circled under my belly button in the bright blue are from dialysis when I was 21 months old....the dark blue circle is from when I had a leg bag...I had a tube coming from my bladder while I had a stint keeping my ureter from healing shut...aka a leg bag is a bag that is full of pee cause it is draining your bladder...I had that after my first transplant and walked around elementary school with the leg bag...in the light blue are actually two scars that are hard to see...both are from biopsies of my transplanted kidney...that's where they stick a giant needle in your kidney and pull out fluids and pieces to test and see what is going on in there...fun fact my first transplant took around 8 hours...my most recent transplant took 2...another fun fact I was awake during a biopsy once...they just numbed the area and put the needle in and I heard the clicking of the needle pulling out the samples...only grossed me out a little...mostly I thought it was cool that I got to see slivers of my kidney...

 That's my left side where the first transplant scar goes up...dealing with that when I was young was no fun...I just remember a lot of pain after my first transplant mainly...

This is on my right side....sort of in the middle of the picture is the scar...that is from a biopsy when I was little...that was back when they cut you open and took a piece out that way...I tend to prefer the giant needle procedure to the being cut open one...I had that procedure done when I was 21 months old...

These three are on my right arm from a pic line I had after my first transplant...a pic line is sort of like a central line...they use it for meds and to draw blood and such so that they don't have to stick you over and over again...it used to look more like a smiley face but I have grown quite a bit since I was eight so it stretched out...but the mouth is where the tube went in and the eyes are where the wings were stitched down to help keep the tube in place...fun fact showering with a pic line is no fun...another fun fact I used to walk around in elementary school with my arm wrapped in an ace bandage because of this...so I was also dealing with this while I had the leg bag...fun times...

I've showed this one before on my left arm for dialysis recently...the long scar is where they cut into me to fuse the vein and artery together...therefore my arm buzzes because of the blood rushing both ways...everything that is in my arm is mine...they didn't put anything in there to make it do that...the two roundish scars are the button holes...or were the button holes...where mom stuck me over and over again developing a channel for easy access and to help keep the fistula intact...they called it a fistula when they do that...fun fact this is my least favorite scar because it's always in my face and I think it's ugly...I had a hard time looking when mom and I took off the gauze...only one that has made me want to throw up at the sight of it...another fun fact when my nephews feel my arm I tell them I am a transformer...another fun fact a lot of fistula especially on older people and diabetics look like ropes in their arms and I was terrified mine would look gross like that...if you get grossed out easily don't do this but if you want an idea of what I thought mine would look like google "dialysis fistula" and look at images...if you throw up I am sorry...I think it's really gross and sometimes I share gross things...

These are the last pictures I got...though I have plenty more scars...ok in purple is from my perm cath that I originally used for dialysis...that is where the tube went in and went to my heart...in the grayish/light purple-ish is where the wings were sown down...and they were really tight and hurt really freaking bad...fun fact about my perm cath...when I still had the wings sown down before I convinced my doctor to take those stitches out I got a blister under the tube because of how it was rubbing against my skin...I also got a bunch more little blisters as an allergic reaction to the tape...another fun fact he only took the stitches out because he figured it could accidentally get pulled on and would stay in...he even tested it a little...which was no fun but necessary..on to the others...I am not sure what is what up here for sure because this is from a central line I had right after transplant...I only had it for a little bit and felt like I couldn't move my neck...and I never really looked that close at it because it was sort of bloody and hard to see...but one of those scars is from the central line and the other is the little spot they cut so that they could guide it into place...I think they used the same spot as they did for my perm cath...cause the cath goes up and then down to the heart...fun fact I was also awake when they took out both the central line and perm cath...the perm cath took longer and was kind of nerve wracking because well they are pulling something out of your heart...also because of where they are pulling your gag reflexes want to kick in a lot...another fun fact I couldn't move my neck that easily when I had the central line because some one decided to put a lot of tape on it and all over my neck...they even got tape in my hair which is hard to do since I don't have much of it...they must have missed the "patient is allergic to tape use it sparingly" note...

Besides those I have scarring around my left side at the hip and leg from when I had shingles the first time (yes I have had shingles more than once...it's not just those old people in the get the shingles vaccine commercials that can get shingles)...those scars look like burn marks...I also have countless numbers of smaller scars that you can see on the backs of my hands and all over my arms from IVs and blood tests...which also means I have a build up of scar tissue all over my arms which now makes it harder to start IVs and more painful for me to get my blood drawn...

I can't lie...some days I hate that I have all these scars...but most of the time I love them...I remember after my first transplant I was so excited to wear my first two piece swimsuit to show off my scar...and I still have this mentality of wanting to show off my scars...to me they are art work in their own right...and the stories they tell are ones of survival...of perseverance...of learning to rejoice and praise even when I don't want to...of becoming the woman I am today...of being drawn closer and closer to my savior...and I happen to think they are beautiful scars that tell and even more beautiful story...