E-mails from Christian Mingle
It would seem that people see that it says on facebook that I am married to Nicole...when I am really not...she's my best friend...we are both into dudes...a couple years ago Nicole left her facebook page open when some of our friends were around and they thought it would be funny to say we are married...and we went along with it...and we still play it up sometimes calling each other wife...but since people keep asking about it I am not married...
With that said I awkwardly got some e-mails from Christian Mingle this week...made more awkward by the fact that I am not on Christian Mingle...not that Christian Mingle is bad...I have friends who have met their husband or wife on Christian Mingle and they are really happy...but when it comes to me and signing up for Christian Mingle...well...never would I ever...I feel like people who sign up for dating sites are really husband or wife hunting and that will never be me...I have never had a desire to get married or to be a wife...it's just not a life goal of mine...not a bucket list item...what can I say my parents raised an independent girl...
I'm writing about this because the topic of me being in a relationship in the future has been a topic even before the Christian Mingle thing...and is in general a topic that most girls have to deal with...and a lot of guys too..I think it's mostly because people want us to be loved well...and that's not a bad thing...
Take for instance my mom...she rarely talks about me being in a relationship...it's only come up a few times recently because so many of my friends are married or dating...but she said something that I thought was so cool to me...she said "I can't wait to watch and see who comes along and sweeps you off your feet"...I love that my mom said this...I love that my mom knows me this well...
Because here's the deal...there are a lot of things I won't do...like I will never ask a guy out...call me old fashioned but I think the girl should be the pursued not the one doing the pursuing...and a lot of things I am completely oblivious too...like flirting...I don't get it...and oftentimes don't see what is happening...sometimes too when people try to hit on me I just laugh because I think it's ridiculous...I also seem to be immune to a lot of things because of the guys I hang out with...though they don't mean it quite a few of them are constantly asking me to marry them as a joke so I have gotten really good at the quick no...
Another thing is that I get how hard my life is...the doctors visits...the times in the hospital...the medications making me sick...all of that is no fun for me...and I know that it can be hard on the people that love me as well...and I am not always sure that I am worth all of the fuss...I know I have said this before but it's true...I purposefully try to push people away so they don't have to deal with me almost dying...or seeing me passing out or whatever...because even though I have a new kidney that works great...problems can always arise that would send me right back to where I was...and that sucks...and I don't like that people have to deal with that...
So if I were to ever even date someone they would probably have to do some convincing...and not just for that first date but pretty much as long as we were dating...and into the future...because that's what my friends have to do too...they have to constantly tell me that no matter how hard it gets they are sticking around...and that I am worth sticking around for...
The thing is...I am still a human so I still think it would be nice to have someone to hold my hand when I have gotten shitty news from the doctor...and I often think it would be nice for mom to have even more of a break (though she will never not be my mom which means she will always worry about me)...but just those things alone are not enough to make me want to date or get married...
And even though that is my opinion a lot of people continue to tell me that they think some guy is going to come along and blow me away...that is their dream for me...and it's really not all that bad of a dream...
So if that is one of your dreams for me...pray for him...cause he has his work cut out for him...he might end up hearing no a lot...I know that I am not the easiest person to be around...and he is going to have to deal with all my protective brothers...and pray for me...that despite my fears and what I have always said that I would be open...and not too mean or oblivious...
With that said I awkwardly got some e-mails from Christian Mingle this week...made more awkward by the fact that I am not on Christian Mingle...not that Christian Mingle is bad...I have friends who have met their husband or wife on Christian Mingle and they are really happy...but when it comes to me and signing up for Christian Mingle...well...never would I ever...I feel like people who sign up for dating sites are really husband or wife hunting and that will never be me...I have never had a desire to get married or to be a wife...it's just not a life goal of mine...not a bucket list item...what can I say my parents raised an independent girl...
I'm writing about this because the topic of me being in a relationship in the future has been a topic even before the Christian Mingle thing...and is in general a topic that most girls have to deal with...and a lot of guys too..I think it's mostly because people want us to be loved well...and that's not a bad thing...
Take for instance my mom...she rarely talks about me being in a relationship...it's only come up a few times recently because so many of my friends are married or dating...but she said something that I thought was so cool to me...she said "I can't wait to watch and see who comes along and sweeps you off your feet"...I love that my mom said this...I love that my mom knows me this well...
Because here's the deal...there are a lot of things I won't do...like I will never ask a guy out...call me old fashioned but I think the girl should be the pursued not the one doing the pursuing...and a lot of things I am completely oblivious too...like flirting...I don't get it...and oftentimes don't see what is happening...sometimes too when people try to hit on me I just laugh because I think it's ridiculous...I also seem to be immune to a lot of things because of the guys I hang out with...though they don't mean it quite a few of them are constantly asking me to marry them as a joke so I have gotten really good at the quick no...
Another thing is that I get how hard my life is...the doctors visits...the times in the hospital...the medications making me sick...all of that is no fun for me...and I know that it can be hard on the people that love me as well...and I am not always sure that I am worth all of the fuss...I know I have said this before but it's true...I purposefully try to push people away so they don't have to deal with me almost dying...or seeing me passing out or whatever...because even though I have a new kidney that works great...problems can always arise that would send me right back to where I was...and that sucks...and I don't like that people have to deal with that...
So if I were to ever even date someone they would probably have to do some convincing...and not just for that first date but pretty much as long as we were dating...and into the future...because that's what my friends have to do too...they have to constantly tell me that no matter how hard it gets they are sticking around...and that I am worth sticking around for...
The thing is...I am still a human so I still think it would be nice to have someone to hold my hand when I have gotten shitty news from the doctor...and I often think it would be nice for mom to have even more of a break (though she will never not be my mom which means she will always worry about me)...but just those things alone are not enough to make me want to date or get married...
And even though that is my opinion a lot of people continue to tell me that they think some guy is going to come along and blow me away...that is their dream for me...and it's really not all that bad of a dream...
So if that is one of your dreams for me...pray for him...cause he has his work cut out for him...he might end up hearing no a lot...I know that I am not the easiest person to be around...and he is going to have to deal with all my protective brothers...and pray for me...that despite my fears and what I have always said that I would be open...and not too mean or oblivious...
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