Love and Life
I've been thinking for the past few days about things I am thankful for. Today I was reminded of one of those things in a round about way.
See there is this little girl that sits in front of us at church. I've noticed that she likes to be between her parents during the service. Now I am not going to say that I know why she does this. She could be doing this for a million reasons. But I remember being a little girl like her and I remember wanting to be where I saw love. So though that may not actually be her intention, that's what she makes me think. And this desire to be where we can visibly see love, I think, is a desire that we all have.
Anyway, through her actions I was reminded about how I really do enjoy seeing my parents together. There was a point in my life when I realized how great it is that I get to see my parents showing love to one another. See I know that my parents aren't perfect and neither is their marriage. I know they both get so annoyed with the other one and have hurt each other. But the love they have for one another is evident. And I am thankful that they have stayed together through the lowest points to make it to high ones. And I love that our family is not another negative statistic. I love that my parents have been an active example in my life on how love is a verb. Love continues even when you don't always like someone. Love is a commitment even when life is rough. Love is not a fickle emotion that always wants it's way. These are things my parents have taught me.
Another thing I am thankful for is life.
Now I know this one seems a bit obvious but this time I haven't been thinking about my transplants. Last night I was laying awake in bed as I do many night because insomnia is a medication side effect that I have to deal with. As I lay there I was thinking about how I would describe my different scars. And as I felt my one for my dialysis perm cath I got thinking. Admittedly this scar and the veins that were used in my body for this sometimes ache like crazy making my neck hurt so it is common for me to think about it. But I was feeling it and feeling how big my vein had gotten much like the giant vein/fistula in my arm. And I was struck by a thought. When they did the vein mapping for my fistula they were worried they would have to go in my leg because my veins weren't big enough. The veins in my arms couldn't even always handle small iv needles and would explode under the pressure. And yes that is as painful as it sounds. The reality of the time was that all my veins were small because I was sick. And so I forget that means that the vein leading to my heart that they used for the perm cath was in the same state making the surgery to put the perm cath in super risky as well. With the few incisions needed and the pulling to slide everything in place, working with and on my delicate veins was probably stressful for doctors as well. But the surgery needed to be done so I could receive dialysis and continue to live. And though I did experience some pretty crazy bleeding when I did get to the dialysis ward after surgery I can't help but think how God's hand was and is evident.
It is these types of things that I don't want to forget. It is these types of things that I need to write about so I can look back later and remind myself how blessed I have been. And to be reminded that God is always at work in my life. It might take me some time to see it, but I want to be able to look back and be amazed at what God has done and what he has brought me through.
See there is this little girl that sits in front of us at church. I've noticed that she likes to be between her parents during the service. Now I am not going to say that I know why she does this. She could be doing this for a million reasons. But I remember being a little girl like her and I remember wanting to be where I saw love. So though that may not actually be her intention, that's what she makes me think. And this desire to be where we can visibly see love, I think, is a desire that we all have.
Anyway, through her actions I was reminded about how I really do enjoy seeing my parents together. There was a point in my life when I realized how great it is that I get to see my parents showing love to one another. See I know that my parents aren't perfect and neither is their marriage. I know they both get so annoyed with the other one and have hurt each other. But the love they have for one another is evident. And I am thankful that they have stayed together through the lowest points to make it to high ones. And I love that our family is not another negative statistic. I love that my parents have been an active example in my life on how love is a verb. Love continues even when you don't always like someone. Love is a commitment even when life is rough. Love is not a fickle emotion that always wants it's way. These are things my parents have taught me.
Another thing I am thankful for is life.
Now I know this one seems a bit obvious but this time I haven't been thinking about my transplants. Last night I was laying awake in bed as I do many night because insomnia is a medication side effect that I have to deal with. As I lay there I was thinking about how I would describe my different scars. And as I felt my one for my dialysis perm cath I got thinking. Admittedly this scar and the veins that were used in my body for this sometimes ache like crazy making my neck hurt so it is common for me to think about it. But I was feeling it and feeling how big my vein had gotten much like the giant vein/fistula in my arm. And I was struck by a thought. When they did the vein mapping for my fistula they were worried they would have to go in my leg because my veins weren't big enough. The veins in my arms couldn't even always handle small iv needles and would explode under the pressure. And yes that is as painful as it sounds. The reality of the time was that all my veins were small because I was sick. And so I forget that means that the vein leading to my heart that they used for the perm cath was in the same state making the surgery to put the perm cath in super risky as well. With the few incisions needed and the pulling to slide everything in place, working with and on my delicate veins was probably stressful for doctors as well. But the surgery needed to be done so I could receive dialysis and continue to live. And though I did experience some pretty crazy bleeding when I did get to the dialysis ward after surgery I can't help but think how God's hand was and is evident.
It is these types of things that I don't want to forget. It is these types of things that I need to write about so I can look back later and remind myself how blessed I have been. And to be reminded that God is always at work in my life. It might take me some time to see it, but I want to be able to look back and be amazed at what God has done and what he has brought me through.
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