Honesty
I think honesty is always the best policy...but I have learned over the years that not everyone wants the truth or even wants your opinion...not knowing that has gotten me in trouble...
The other thing that has gotten me in trouble in the past is that I have had a lot of friends who have said they like how honest I am...they like that I am not afraid to speak my mind...they wish they could be as honest as me...they like that I am blunt and don't beat around the bush when it comes to sharing what I think or know to be true...the problem has come when they have asked me for my opinion or my thoughts on something they are doing...they have asked me to be honest but then haven't liked the things that I have said...
In other words my big mouth has ruined friendships...
But there is really more behind it than that...because in more recent years I have waited for people to ask me what I think...I have agonized over how to say the things I want to...wanting to be gentle and loving but still truthful...I have taken pains to not be a jerk or even sound like one...and yet...destruction and hurt has still come from my words and from my honesty...
So I have learned to only share what I think when I am asked...and I have tried over the years to make it more apparent that I am trying to speak out of love...because I know there have been times when I haven't...when I have instead spoken out of my pride and the desire to be right...
Sometimes I have a hard time understanding why someone would ask for my honest opinion but then get mad at me for sharing it...if you don't really want me to be honest don't put either of us in that situation where I might say something you don't want to hear...
The hurts from the past (and they have indeed become my hurts because I feel I am to blame for the ruined friendships) has often made me not want to be honest but instead when people ask me to be honest I want to say "just tell me what you want me to say"...and I often wonder if people really want me to be honest or if they want me to tell them everything is alright...and yet I cannot stop my desire to speak the truth at all times...it is a part of who I am and how I try to live my life and the people around me know this to be true about me...even if they too don't always like it...
Believe me when I say I am not expecting anyone to take the truth lightly or even that easily...I have struggled with the truths about my life...about peoples opinions of me...but when we dwell on them without correction or we let those thing come between us and our relationships...I believe that is a problem...
The Bible talks about "speaking the truth with love" and using scripture to "teach, rebuke, correct, and train" but I think sometimes we have forgotten that...or even that the process of growing is hard...this life and this walk are hard...and God is going to tell us when we are messing up and sometimes he is going to use the people that are the closest to us to do so...to move forward we have to change...we have to in some way actually move...
What I am asking of all of us (me included) is that when the truth is spoken to us that we don't let it ruin relationships or let it make us bitter...
The other thing that has gotten me in trouble in the past is that I have had a lot of friends who have said they like how honest I am...they like that I am not afraid to speak my mind...they wish they could be as honest as me...they like that I am blunt and don't beat around the bush when it comes to sharing what I think or know to be true...the problem has come when they have asked me for my opinion or my thoughts on something they are doing...they have asked me to be honest but then haven't liked the things that I have said...
In other words my big mouth has ruined friendships...
But there is really more behind it than that...because in more recent years I have waited for people to ask me what I think...I have agonized over how to say the things I want to...wanting to be gentle and loving but still truthful...I have taken pains to not be a jerk or even sound like one...and yet...destruction and hurt has still come from my words and from my honesty...
So I have learned to only share what I think when I am asked...and I have tried over the years to make it more apparent that I am trying to speak out of love...because I know there have been times when I haven't...when I have instead spoken out of my pride and the desire to be right...
Sometimes I have a hard time understanding why someone would ask for my honest opinion but then get mad at me for sharing it...if you don't really want me to be honest don't put either of us in that situation where I might say something you don't want to hear...
The hurts from the past (and they have indeed become my hurts because I feel I am to blame for the ruined friendships) has often made me not want to be honest but instead when people ask me to be honest I want to say "just tell me what you want me to say"...and I often wonder if people really want me to be honest or if they want me to tell them everything is alright...and yet I cannot stop my desire to speak the truth at all times...it is a part of who I am and how I try to live my life and the people around me know this to be true about me...even if they too don't always like it...
Believe me when I say I am not expecting anyone to take the truth lightly or even that easily...I have struggled with the truths about my life...about peoples opinions of me...but when we dwell on them without correction or we let those thing come between us and our relationships...I believe that is a problem...
The Bible talks about "speaking the truth with love" and using scripture to "teach, rebuke, correct, and train" but I think sometimes we have forgotten that...or even that the process of growing is hard...this life and this walk are hard...and God is going to tell us when we are messing up and sometimes he is going to use the people that are the closest to us to do so...to move forward we have to change...we have to in some way actually move...
What I am asking of all of us (me included) is that when the truth is spoken to us that we don't let it ruin relationships or let it make us bitter...
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