Mostly full of updates
I didn't post sooner because I was feeling dead-ish...with moving into a new place last weekend and unpacking boxes during the week...then going to BOND this weekend...my body last night and today is all like "I know you are feeling better but calm down ya cray cray"...along with that I keep getting these massive headaches from my medicine (and yes I know the difference between a medicine headache and a normal one)...
I also didn't post because I am not sure what to post about...I have a lot of ideas but nothing really stands out...
First I should say...I love being in my own apartment...it's the best...I got internet and TV set up on Tuesday and even with all the problems with my heat (the heating guy came three times and my landlords wife came twice to try and get it to work...it works now) I really am enjoying having my own space...I missed this a lot...people keep asking me when I wanted to move out and I tend to tell them since I moved back in after getting home from Arizona...once you've been not living in your parents house you miss the freedom...plus for me being back in my parents house meant I was super sick and didn't have the option of living on my own...it's nice to be able to do that now...
BOND was this weekend and it was my first BOND not being sick...and my first time in years at camp walking up that hill to chapel...I did not miss that at all...hot damn that's hard to do...I was not the only one who noticed how healthy I was...Dan one of the campers mentioned it to me when he was hugging me getting ready to leave he said, "BB, remember how last year you sat on a stool the whole time you were up front singing and this time you stood the whole time"...Rich and Gary also mentioned how getting used to the new healthy BB was taking some time...it is a weird and fast change from even a few months ago...sometimes I forget that it's only been a few months and sometimes I still over do it a little...but it's worth it...and recovering from over doing it takes a day instead of a week....which is also a nice change...
Something that I struggled with this weekend and that I have struggled with for a long time is I am afraid my friends will see or think that I am a huge a-hole and will no longer want to be friends with me...I can't lie I can be a major jerk...and I do things in my friendships out of fear...I am afraid that people are going to see how I act at times or see how hard it can be to be my friend with all my health stuff and they are going to say forget it I'm done and leave me...even with their reassurances that they are not it is still a real fear for me...and my friends oftentimes have to reassure me that I am worth loving and worth sticking around through all this mess for...I was even reminded of that this weekend...that no matter what I do I am not getting rid of these people that love me well and that see something great in me that I don't see...
Like most people I am my own worst critic...and I am praying that would change and that I could more visibly see the good in me and that I would let love instead of fear rule my life...
I also didn't post because I am not sure what to post about...I have a lot of ideas but nothing really stands out...
First I should say...I love being in my own apartment...it's the best...I got internet and TV set up on Tuesday and even with all the problems with my heat (the heating guy came three times and my landlords wife came twice to try and get it to work...it works now) I really am enjoying having my own space...I missed this a lot...people keep asking me when I wanted to move out and I tend to tell them since I moved back in after getting home from Arizona...once you've been not living in your parents house you miss the freedom...plus for me being back in my parents house meant I was super sick and didn't have the option of living on my own...it's nice to be able to do that now...
BOND was this weekend and it was my first BOND not being sick...and my first time in years at camp walking up that hill to chapel...I did not miss that at all...hot damn that's hard to do...I was not the only one who noticed how healthy I was...Dan one of the campers mentioned it to me when he was hugging me getting ready to leave he said, "BB, remember how last year you sat on a stool the whole time you were up front singing and this time you stood the whole time"...Rich and Gary also mentioned how getting used to the new healthy BB was taking some time...it is a weird and fast change from even a few months ago...sometimes I forget that it's only been a few months and sometimes I still over do it a little...but it's worth it...and recovering from over doing it takes a day instead of a week....which is also a nice change...
Something that I struggled with this weekend and that I have struggled with for a long time is I am afraid my friends will see or think that I am a huge a-hole and will no longer want to be friends with me...I can't lie I can be a major jerk...and I do things in my friendships out of fear...I am afraid that people are going to see how I act at times or see how hard it can be to be my friend with all my health stuff and they are going to say forget it I'm done and leave me...even with their reassurances that they are not it is still a real fear for me...and my friends oftentimes have to reassure me that I am worth loving and worth sticking around through all this mess for...I was even reminded of that this weekend...that no matter what I do I am not getting rid of these people that love me well and that see something great in me that I don't see...
Like most people I am my own worst critic...and I am praying that would change and that I could more visibly see the good in me and that I would let love instead of fear rule my life...
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