stories of a real life wonder woman

I don't know if I have said this before or not - if I have here it is again - if not welcome to hearing it for the first time. For some dumb reason Sunday nights are the hardest for me here. Even after a good weekend like this one. Even after all the time with mom and dad. All the giggles while hunting eggs and playing apples to apples until we were out of cards. All the kisses and hugs. Even after all that Sunday night it still hard. Because Sunday night finds me feeling lonely and doubtful of all my life decisions. Sunday nights find he questioning why I am here. Tomorrow everything will be good. I will be back to work being productive at my job that I love and that I am good at. But Sunday night feels crushing and never ending. And being back at mom and dad's is great. But leaving has gotten harder instead of easier. Leaving finds me crying but trying not to cry too hard that I can't drive away. And so Sunday night finds me trying to distract myself and wear...

Ya'll I am constantly putting a lot of pressure on myself. Even here in this space where all I am doing is sharing about my life. I am putting pressure on myself to have more to say/share. Pressure to not sound negative or down about life. But I find that I am often down about life because I am putting super high expectations on myself that I can't meet - it's a vicious cycle. And I am going to try not to do that now. So here's what has been going on this week - Not much. I haven't been sleeping well at all which is normal. I normally sleep well in the early morning but I have been waking up a lot and that has been making me grouchy. However I must be doing good at containing my grouchiness because I feel like more people - students and staff - have been approaching me this week with questions or to just talk. As a librarian I love that people trust that I will find them what they are looking for. As someone who often finds herself lonely in a new place I ...

This week at work I helped my boss move furniture. We rearranged almost the library and still have some more things to move when more things get moved out. That wore me out most days but it felt good to be able to help with that stuff. This weekend I got to spend sometime with some of my favorite people and dearest friends - part of my camp family. Though we love the kids we minister to at camp it was nice to be able to have some time for us without the kids around. To be able to catch up on what is going on in each others lives and to pour into each other. Life pulls us all in so many different directions that it was a treat to be able to get together with part of the staff and encourage each other and enjoy a time of fellowship. Being around them is always a good reminder for me of how loved I am. Sometimes I forget that and start to think that sharing my life with them will be a burden which is ridiculous since I want them to share their lives with me. And just like I hurt for...

So the big news this week is that I don't have shingles on my tongue. I went to an ear, nose, and throat clinic this week about the bumps on my tongue. Neither the Physicians Assistant nor the doctor think I have shingles. They think i just have enlarged buds and have stayed enlarged for some explainable reason. The Physicians Assistant thinks I might have thrush while the doctor believes that I don't. They were shocked that I had campylobacter and the Physicians Assistant remarked that I was too young to have had shingles twice already (which is a comment I often get about a lot of my health problems). Also the doctor put this little scope thing down my nose to get a better look at my enlarged buds since they are so far back on my tongue. That was unpleasant. Not the worst thing I have ever had to do but still no fun. Anyway he ended up putting me on this liquid medicine that treats thrush. He said either it will help or it won't and the buds will go down on their own. A...

First - Sorry this is later in the day than normal. I was binge watching Fuller House and completely forgot about writing a blog post. Second - Sorry about my freak out last week. Sometimes life is rough and everything gets out of focus for me. This week has been a little crazy at work. I finished the archives project I was working on! That feels really dang good since I have been working on it since before Christmas. I also did a display for archives that I am very proud of. Also our librarian has been giving me some on the job training to try to get me ready for more work and to help build up some confidence in me about my abilities. It feels really good that she and our boss trust me with so much and want to help me learn and succeed. That has been amazing. I went out with my boss and a friend of hers Saturday morning to walk around the downtown here. It was nice to spend some time outside of my house and explore this town a little more. Then my brother and nephews came by. Se...

I have shingles again. That makes three times. This time on my tongue. It doesn't really hurt so that is a positive. Mostly it just feels like something is stuck in my throat which is annoying. Also I have had them for three weeks. Yeah the blister type bumps on my tongue that I have been talking about - those are shingles. Though it doesn't hurt I still find myself getting upset because shingles again, really? Shingles once was upsetting enough but shingles three times - I don't even know how to describe how upset I am when that thought hits me at different times. Also I have been getting upset with myself. Upset that I didn't realize that that's what I have again even though the signs are there. Upset that obviously I am still not good at handling stress. Upset that I let myself get so stressed out to the point that my body fights itself. But having shingles and being so emotional means that I cannot deny how stressed out I am. I know I am not the first pers...

Ok health - I basically feel how I always feel - tired and sick to my stomach - but as always I am dealing with it. Life goes on whether I feel good or not. Work has settled into a bit of a groove though I am almost done with the project I have been working on for a while. And by almost done I mean that I should be done with it in two weeks - maybe sooner. It feels good to feel like I can see the end of this project and I am sure that when I am done with this I will find another project to work like crazy on. Despite feeling my normal amount of sick - plus a bit more tired - I have been feeling strong. I think that acknowledging the things I have been accomplishing and the skills I do have has helped with that feeling. I gotta tell you it's a lot of work to not only fight off the negative thoughts but to speak positivity into my life. But the benefits so far are pretty great. And that's pretty much it. I have been hiding out in my house from the cold because that wears me...