stories of a real life wonder woman

The benefit thing for our family is this Saturday at our church...Bethel Church Dixon IL...well behind it really in the big yellow building that used to be a school but is now known as the ministry center...I think they are starting the supper at 5 and the silent auction some time after that but I am not really sure since I am not in charge...I am just showing up to eat and talk to people...which frankly I am a little nervous about because I am not always that great at being social...but you should come join us...my sister-in-law is planning on making quite a bit of food so I am sure we will have enough...I have also heard that this may turn into a bit of a Frye family reunion there are quite a few in that group that I am sure I won't know even though I am related to them...but if you want to see what the majority of the Frye family is like then show up...I'm sure it will be a good time... Also I am loving working in the library...I have volunteered for three days for about a...

And listening to Jason Gray's song "Without Running Away" on repeat...some of the lines that I am finding sticking in my head on this night would be "and be free of the burden of living that hoping requires" and "broken and bleeding I'm waiting for healing to come"... I'm a feeling a bit uneasy today...this wasn't my best week and it was full of so many ups and downs I felt a bit like I was on a roller coaster and I have never been a fan of those...today I am feeling a bit sick and that's no fun...and I had my last iron IV this week...it took three tries to get the IV started...and an appointment with my kidney doctor that though I drove to it crying I left in a really good mood because he was super thrilled with blood pressure and my nutrition...and then I volunteered at the high school library on Thursday and it was one of the best days of my life...but then I had an appointment with my gp on Friday...and I went into it in a goodish...

I have been told a lot recently how good I look despite being super sick...I guess not everyone has gotten the memo that even though I don't feel good I still know how to look good...though 99.9% of the time that is spent at home and sometimes even the time spent outside of the house I'm in my sweatpants because putting real clothes on takes a lot of work and I am after all a sick kid...so now more than ever I do what I want...and though I think I look like a hobo in my sweatpants my grandma continues to say I look cute and so do other people...I do however put on real clothes when going to things like church and if I am going to the school to volunteer (which went smashingly by the way I think I am going to like this a lot)... But I have been thinking about my own appearance a lot lately...not just because people have been saying stuff to me but because I have recently taken some pictures with my friend Chris Padgett who is a professional photographer...this is the second ti...

I have had friends over the years who have had a hard time believing that I am a nerd...evidently my odd love for Wonder Woman and comic books isn't enough to convince them...nor the way that I got As during most of my school career by not even trying at all...some friends though get it...and they say I hide it well...as if being a nerd is something a don't want people to find out about me when all along I thought I let my nerd flag fly because I am proud to be a nerd...and others have bestowed me with the phrase nerd swagger...making me sound cooler than a really am... I have this belief that there are many kinds of nerds...the kind that play video games...the kind that read manga...the kind that are into theatre...the kind that read books...the kind that are super into math....and many other kinds...oftentimes a combination of any of these types...I happen to be the book kind and I refer to myself as a word nerd...because really my nerdiness spans more than just books... ...

And then I deleted it because I didn't like it...and the post that I worked on the other day about how I am a nerd doesn't seem fitting right now either... Today as I have been over the past few days I am super moody...I don't feel good at all...there is not a part of me that doesn't hurt...but I get up and carry on with my life because lying in bed seems a bit dramatic...and when I am out and about I try to joke a lot to make everyone else think I am fine and to try to get my mind off the pain...because I just want to feel good...but when I am home and alone the tears come easy... I wish I knew how to describe how it feels to be living in my body...the constant pain that keeps me up...how exhausting it is to do so many things that should be easy or fun...how frustrating it is to try to do all that I can to keep this body going long enough for me to get a kidney...and the weight of what it feels like to live in a body that is slowly dying with me feeling like I am h...

Today turned out to be a pretty good day...a busy day but a good day... (you should know right away that I am in the mood to write so this might be a little all over the place) I was nervous about today because I had an iron IV...as many of you know those sometimes make me sick and often times my veins are hard to stick to get an IV started...so as a result I don't really eat before I go in for my iron IV so there is nothing in my stomach for it to get upset over...and I wear a hoodie around no matter how hot it is so that I can keep my veins warm in hope that my actions will help the nurses later...today was a good day because my efforts worked... Today I also feel super accomplished because I went grocery shopping for mom...which has become normal around here...also I got some beautiful flowers from Flowers Etc. and I have no idea who they are from...the note thing was encouraging and cute though...and I wrote my last paper under my bachelor's degree...and I did it earli...

1st - I know I have said it before but gosh I love living in a small town...this week so many people did cool things for us...like some anonymous person paying for the repair work we had done on mom's car which included new tires...or Venier's fixing dad's pocket watch for free...that's like the fourth free thing they have done for us...ya'll are too good to us... 2nd - My iron IV on Wednesday went ok I felt a little sickish afterwards but they did give it to me kind of fast...and Thursday I was sick part of the day too...but no big deal...and my hemoglobin went up...when it was drawn on Monday it was 6.6 then when it was drawn on Wednesday it was 7.3...so that was pretty great...also on a health note a have a few people who are trying to get tested right now as possible donors so we will see where that goes... 3rd - I had a great time on Thursday watching the rain fall and people pass the house while I was sitting on the front porch with my dad first and then m...

So sorry if I come across cranky... I sort of feel bad saying that because I have been able to do a lot...more than I normally do...and I have gotten to hang out with my friends a lot...they have been their normal great selves showing me how much they love me by inviting me to things and sort of making me go...and by letting me help them with things I am good at...and those things should out weigh how rough this week has been... But I have been having multiple days where the enormity of what is going on in my life has hit me hard and I feel a bit lost and more than just a tad overwhelmed...and well like I don't want to get out of bed...so I probably picked a bad week to start to try to get up early...I find myself crying a lot over dumb stuff which is not me...but I keep giving myself permission to do that because well I need a kidney and without one I am living in a dying body...so that's kind of depressing...and if you haven't noticed my dad is missing a foot and adju...

I know I can come across as fearless and strong and like I don't give a crap...but the truth of the matter is a lot of times I am scared...take right now for example...I do want a kidney and I am sick of dialysis and going to the doctor all the time and the endless blood tests...but I am also scared of what another transplant means...I'm scared it will be rejected...I'm scared that I will get super sick again and will be taken off the transplant list again...what if I have to wait a really long time to for a transplant and to feel better...I'm scared that whoever donates will die and I will live...I don't know if I could handle that...I'm scared of what comes after the transplant...the pain...the healing...the millions of more tests to make sure everything is all right...and what I do with my life then...what if I can't get my masters...what if I can become a librarian...what if I do and I hate it...what if i never get to fulfil some of my dreams...like writ...

I had to have an iron iv...that's when they hook you up to an iv and give you liquid iron over a period of time...it helps you when you have low iron or low hemoglobin...unless you are like me and the iron iv makes you sick...sick as in fever nauseous light headed diarrhea gonna pass out all at the same time...that part yesterday ended up not being the problem though since they gave the iron to me super slow so that my body could handle it...instead the problem was my veins didn't want to work...it took them five times to get the iv in...they would get it part of the way in and then they would hit something in my vein...like scar tissue or something and then it wouldn't go in the rest of the way...and they give you a little numbing shot to before they go to put in the iv so that you don't feel the needle...so they did that five times too...that's a total of ten pokes for one visit...and then I had to go home and do dialysis and get poked by those giant needles... ...