A long-ish picture post

I have been told a lot recently how good I look despite being super sick...I guess not everyone has gotten the memo that even though I don't feel good I still know how to look good...though 99.9% of the time that is spent at home and sometimes even the time spent outside of the house I'm in my sweatpants because putting real clothes on takes a lot of work and I am after all a sick kid...so now more than ever I do what I want...and though I think I look like a hobo in my sweatpants my grandma continues to say I look cute and so do other people...I do however put on real clothes when going to things like church and if I am going to the school to volunteer (which went smashingly by the way I think I am going to like this a lot)...

But I have been thinking about my own appearance a lot lately...not just because people have been saying stuff to me but because I have recently taken some pictures with my friend Chris Padgett who is a professional photographer...this is the second time we have done pictures because as he puts it I wear fun clothes...this is one of my favorite pictures from our first session in 2010...

We did these pictures right before I left for Arizona for my first and only year at GCU on campus...the funny thing to me about these pictures is that they came at  a perfect time...when I got to Arizona I was as per usual rocking my short hair and sweatpants...and well I felt like a fish out of water...I was surrounded by girls with long beautiful hair who always had on trendy outfits with their make-up done just right...and though that is not me at all I started to wish it was me because I became less and less confident in myself...it's not that they were mean or said anything bad...my friends actually were super nice and were always telling me how much they loved my short hair and that I didn't care and would wear sweatpants to class...but that never made me feel any better...I started to feel like I was in some way less of a girl because I didn't do these things and I started to compare myself to these girls...and next to them I thought that I didn't measure up at all...so I started to try to grow out my hair...yuck...and do other things to try and be more like them in small ways...but Chris had printed out some of the pictures we took together and given them to me before I left and I hung them up all around my room...and every time I looked at them I thought...look at that I can't deny that I am beautiful when I look at these pictures...and then before I left for Christmas break I thought...what am I doing...and stopped caring about appearance stuff again and went right back to my short hair cut that we all know me for by now...

 

But the pictures Chris took of me made me realize something...obviously first that I am better looking than I think...and that I love seeing what I look like through other people's eyes...and I guess by that I mean I love seeing what I look like when other people take pictures of me...it gives me a glimpse into how others view me...

 

Take for example this picture...

It's one of my favorites and as Lauren (who is the one in the black shirt) says it's a perfect picture of me...we are in Belize and all around me it's a bit crazy...Daniel is playing guitar...Lauren is talking a picture of some sort of bite on G-off's leg...Kenny is wrestling someone maybe Kate...Autumn is chillin in the background and I am sitting in the middle of it all content to no end with my life...sort of thriving in the chaos...

 

Here are some other favorites of mine...

Even though I think I look a little sick in this one I think you can also see how much I love my grandpa...he's one of my all time favorite people in the world...he believes I can do anything I want no matter how crazy it is...

This one was taken by a friend of a friend who I don't even know when we were worshipping down by the river...and every time I see it I am kind of in awe that the girl sitting there is me...









This is a recent picture...from this summer actually and even though I have a lot of pictures with my brothers and these aren't even my brothers I see the most it reminds me how many people love me...it also makes me feel like maybe I have done something right because these two think the world of me...and say that I have impacted their lives...

This is a recent one as well from a time when I was going to do some pictures with Chris and these gypsies tagged along...they are all wearing my clothes and look great...and I look at myself and I think who is that strong confident girl in the middle...I think it makes me look like a leader as well...which is a bit scary...

But then there is the best one from when Chris and I did a photo shoot a week later just the two of us...

Now obviously Chris edited this picture...but the brick pile really was there...and that really is my Wonder Woman costume..and well that girl...she look dangerous...I wouldn't want to mess with her...and yet I look at the picture and again I can't deny that I am beautiful...

 

And I am glad I can see myself through other people's eyes even for a spilt second so I can be reminded that I am more than I think I am...