A lot of things scare me
I know I can come across as fearless and strong and like I don't give a crap...but the truth of the matter is a lot of times I am scared...take right now for example...I do want a kidney and I am sick of dialysis and going to the doctor all the time and the endless blood tests...but I am also scared of what another transplant means...I'm scared it will be rejected...I'm scared that I will get super sick again and will be taken off the transplant list again...what if I have to wait a really long time to for a transplant and to feel better...I'm scared that whoever donates will die and I will live...I don't know if I could handle that...I'm scared of what comes after the transplant...the pain...the healing...the millions of more tests to make sure everything is all right...and what I do with my life then...what if I can't get my masters...what if I can become a librarian...what if I do and I hate it...what if i never get to fulfil some of my dreams...like writing a book...so many things seem unsure and scary...and I'm not very good with those...I know mom would be saying "don't play the what if game it doesn't do you any good"...but the fears are still there...and when you've been feeling crappy the last couple days like I have those fears come out easily...sadly I am a great liar so none of my friends I have hung out with recently know that this has been going on...it's my fault I know...I have a problem still with lying to people about how I am doing...they wouldn't be in my life if they couldn't handle this stuff...
I remember when I was fresh out of high school...only had one year of college experience and I was asked to come back to camp and counsel and I ended up having my own cabin (we don't really do that now)...I was scared out of my mind...and I kept asking mom question all week and people were talking about these cool things that were going on in their cabins and I thought I was doing everything all wrong...fears sometimes easily get the best of me...the point of this though is that I wrote a little something for my girls and put it in their notebooks and I think it maybe has helped me more than it has them...here's what it said...
(There were some pictures of Wonder Woman on the front...imagine that...me talking about Wonder Woman)
Wonder Woman is my favorite super hero for a lot for reasons. She never fails to stand up for what she believes in even if it's not popular. She never waits around for a guy to save her. She seeks out truth and justice and works to uphold and live by those truths she's uncovered. Though she is a princess she doesn't act like a princess. Instead of waiting out the battle sitting inside knitting she is out fighting along side strong me and women showing evil what she is made of. She is the definition of a warrior princess. My prayer for you all is that you would be like Wonder Woman. Showing Satan what you are made of showing God's truth and love to all. Showing them that you can be a daughter of the most High King who can also kick butt and look good doing so. Stand for truth and justice and strong in what you believe. Be dangerous for Jesus.
Tonight...this week...really my whole life...I need that encouragement...that I am a daughter of the most High King and he knows what he is doing...though I would love to know what he is doing as well (I've mentioned I don't do well with surprises right)...I'd be lying if I didn't say that the unknown scares me...so everyday I have to choose to walk in the light and trust in God and not let the "what if" game get the best of me...
I remember when I was fresh out of high school...only had one year of college experience and I was asked to come back to camp and counsel and I ended up having my own cabin (we don't really do that now)...I was scared out of my mind...and I kept asking mom question all week and people were talking about these cool things that were going on in their cabins and I thought I was doing everything all wrong...fears sometimes easily get the best of me...the point of this though is that I wrote a little something for my girls and put it in their notebooks and I think it maybe has helped me more than it has them...here's what it said...
(There were some pictures of Wonder Woman on the front...imagine that...me talking about Wonder Woman)
Wonder Woman is my favorite super hero for a lot for reasons. She never fails to stand up for what she believes in even if it's not popular. She never waits around for a guy to save her. She seeks out truth and justice and works to uphold and live by those truths she's uncovered. Though she is a princess she doesn't act like a princess. Instead of waiting out the battle sitting inside knitting she is out fighting along side strong me and women showing evil what she is made of. She is the definition of a warrior princess. My prayer for you all is that you would be like Wonder Woman. Showing Satan what you are made of showing God's truth and love to all. Showing them that you can be a daughter of the most High King who can also kick butt and look good doing so. Stand for truth and justice and strong in what you believe. Be dangerous for Jesus.
Tonight...this week...really my whole life...I need that encouragement...that I am a daughter of the most High King and he knows what he is doing...though I would love to know what he is doing as well (I've mentioned I don't do well with surprises right)...I'd be lying if I didn't say that the unknown scares me...so everyday I have to choose to walk in the light and trust in God and not let the "what if" game get the best of me...
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