Disappointments
How disappointed I am about not having had another kidney transplant has hit me hard...and I am realizing that is a big reason as to why I get so easily annoyed by the dumbest things...
Because here's the deal...
In the summer of 2011 when I was put on the transplant list we hoped that I would have a transplant before Christmas at least before the new year and not have to do be put on dialysis...but then I almost died twice and had to be put on dialysis...and the new year came and I didn't have a transplant...so it was the beginning of 2012 and we said transplant before camp...and dad got into an accident and lost his foot...and camp came and we had to lug all my dialysis equipment out to camp...because there was no kidney yet and I had been on hold on the list...and then I was off hold and someone would test and they wouldn't be a match and someone else would test and they wouldn't be a match...and this kept happening...and yet we still hoped and prayed for a new kidney before Christmas before the new year...and we thought we were at the end of our rope...and we got a call that a possible kidney had come up but I was third on the list for it so they would keep me informed...and I was called by OSF three times...and it looked so good for me...the things in my blood that weren't matching anyone else were matching in this kidney...but then those kidneys went to other people...and we thought maybe we can do this...maybe we can wait on God's timing...and maybe we will get a kidney sooner than we think...and then I was put on hold on the list again...and I've tried to tell myself so many times that this is a good thing because all the other issues with my body are getting figured out...but that also met no kidney before Christmas...and no testing before the new year...
So here we are in 2013...and we are hoping and praying that we don't have to take all my stuff out to camp again for dialysis...but that I will be showing up to camp with a new kidney...but it's getting harder to hope...and harder to wait...
And the tears flow freely and with ease...
Because here's the deal...
In the summer of 2011 when I was put on the transplant list we hoped that I would have a transplant before Christmas at least before the new year and not have to do be put on dialysis...but then I almost died twice and had to be put on dialysis...and the new year came and I didn't have a transplant...so it was the beginning of 2012 and we said transplant before camp...and dad got into an accident and lost his foot...and camp came and we had to lug all my dialysis equipment out to camp...because there was no kidney yet and I had been on hold on the list...and then I was off hold and someone would test and they wouldn't be a match and someone else would test and they wouldn't be a match...and this kept happening...and yet we still hoped and prayed for a new kidney before Christmas before the new year...and we thought we were at the end of our rope...and we got a call that a possible kidney had come up but I was third on the list for it so they would keep me informed...and I was called by OSF three times...and it looked so good for me...the things in my blood that weren't matching anyone else were matching in this kidney...but then those kidneys went to other people...and we thought maybe we can do this...maybe we can wait on God's timing...and maybe we will get a kidney sooner than we think...and then I was put on hold on the list again...and I've tried to tell myself so many times that this is a good thing because all the other issues with my body are getting figured out...but that also met no kidney before Christmas...and no testing before the new year...
So here we are in 2013...and we are hoping and praying that we don't have to take all my stuff out to camp again for dialysis...but that I will be showing up to camp with a new kidney...but it's getting harder to hope...and harder to wait...
And the tears flow freely and with ease...
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