"It's a problem"
So I have been realizing some things about myself this week that I am not too happy about...things that I need to work on big time...like how freakin negative I am all the time...
For example Nicole and I are planning a trip to Arizona in March and I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong and my mom had to remind me that bad things don't always happen...some things are good...like this trip is going to be...so I feel like I should apologize again to my girl Nicole...sorry I can be such a freakin stick in the mud...
Also I've noticed how when I am talking with someone and they have a different opinion about something I rarely say something about it...because I don't want to get in an argument...which is lame of me...because then I just end up being mad at them...when I'm the one who didn't say anything...and it's over things where it's ok to have a different opinion...and where we would be able to agree to disagree...but because I don't say anything I turn it into this big deal...when it isn't...like it's ok that I don't like T Swift...and that I like Adele even though Nicole thinks she's overrated...and it's ok that I like dumb movies sometimes...because I like to laugh...and it's ok that I have different ideas about dating than some of my friends...that doesn't make either of us wrong...it just means we think differently...and thank God we do because if everyone thought the same as me I would go nuts...
But when I don't say anything I end up just getting passive aggressive...which is no good either...because then I am all moody and do stupid things trying to punish people for my idiot behavior...it really is ridiculous and I need to work on that...because I don't even like myself when I am that way...and I highly doubt anyone else does either...I feel like if I don't speak up I really have no reason to get mad so I need to take a chill pill...and if I don't say anything forget about it...because if it wasn't a big enough deal for me to say anything then it isn't a big enough deal to keep being upset over it...
So that's a problem...and how often I say "it's a problem" might be a small problem...but usually I am joking so it's ok right?...I mean I'll say something about how much I love a well dressed man and I will say "it's a problem" but really it's not...I just think I man in a suit...especially a well tailored three piece suit...is a lovely thing...it's handsome...or I will say "it's a problem" about how much I love to eat cheese...but really that's never a problem...you can never have to much cheese...
On another note...I have talked to my nurse like every other day this week...and it hasn't been a one call and done thing...on Friday I think I talked to her on the phone 5 times...and now I am on another blood pressure med...because I wasn't on enough already!?!...that makes 4 blood pressure meds now...and this one I have to take 4 times a day...how great...and it is the color of orange tang...which is weird...it better actually help my blood pressure because increasing the amount I was taking of another one did nothing...and if it doesn't work I am going to be honest about what I think and what I want to do...instead of getting upset at my nurse and doctor behind their backs...
But despite the med changes...and the realizations about myself (which I actually feel like are a good thing)...and the fact that I hit a squirrel with my car which I am still a little upset about...it has been a pretty good week...
For example Nicole and I are planning a trip to Arizona in March and I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong and my mom had to remind me that bad things don't always happen...some things are good...like this trip is going to be...so I feel like I should apologize again to my girl Nicole...sorry I can be such a freakin stick in the mud...
Also I've noticed how when I am talking with someone and they have a different opinion about something I rarely say something about it...because I don't want to get in an argument...which is lame of me...because then I just end up being mad at them...when I'm the one who didn't say anything...and it's over things where it's ok to have a different opinion...and where we would be able to agree to disagree...but because I don't say anything I turn it into this big deal...when it isn't...like it's ok that I don't like T Swift...and that I like Adele even though Nicole thinks she's overrated...and it's ok that I like dumb movies sometimes...because I like to laugh...and it's ok that I have different ideas about dating than some of my friends...that doesn't make either of us wrong...it just means we think differently...and thank God we do because if everyone thought the same as me I would go nuts...
But when I don't say anything I end up just getting passive aggressive...which is no good either...because then I am all moody and do stupid things trying to punish people for my idiot behavior...it really is ridiculous and I need to work on that...because I don't even like myself when I am that way...and I highly doubt anyone else does either...I feel like if I don't speak up I really have no reason to get mad so I need to take a chill pill...and if I don't say anything forget about it...because if it wasn't a big enough deal for me to say anything then it isn't a big enough deal to keep being upset over it...
So that's a problem...and how often I say "it's a problem" might be a small problem...but usually I am joking so it's ok right?...I mean I'll say something about how much I love a well dressed man and I will say "it's a problem" but really it's not...I just think I man in a suit...especially a well tailored three piece suit...is a lovely thing...it's handsome...or I will say "it's a problem" about how much I love to eat cheese...but really that's never a problem...you can never have to much cheese...
On another note...I have talked to my nurse like every other day this week...and it hasn't been a one call and done thing...on Friday I think I talked to her on the phone 5 times...and now I am on another blood pressure med...because I wasn't on enough already!?!...that makes 4 blood pressure meds now...and this one I have to take 4 times a day...how great...and it is the color of orange tang...which is weird...it better actually help my blood pressure because increasing the amount I was taking of another one did nothing...and if it doesn't work I am going to be honest about what I think and what I want to do...instead of getting upset at my nurse and doctor behind their backs...
But despite the med changes...and the realizations about myself (which I actually feel like are a good thing)...and the fact that I hit a squirrel with my car which I am still a little upset about...it has been a pretty good week...
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