Doubts and Second Guessing
You how like a month ago I had a months worth of homework done early? Yeah now I don't even want to do homework that is due this week. But I am blaming my sick stomach for that. There is nothing like an upset stomach to make me want to lie in bed all day. Nausea knocks me out every time. But I did end up getting a little bit of this weeks homework done today. And I am going to try to work on more after I post this. And then if I still am awake, which I most likely will be, I might try to convince myself to do some homework for next week. We will see what happens.
This week I have been struggling with second guessing decisions I have made. Truthfully that is something I struggle with often. When I decided to move to Arizona for college I second guessed that a million and one ways even while I was there. I have second guessed this masters program endlessly even though it is obviously right for me. And I find myself second guessing other things all throughout the day.
You see I am a doubter. I find myself in the same boat as Thomas and I don't always count that as a bad thing. See like Thomas I again and again ask to see him. I want to know him and be known by him. Thomas saw and believed. He was answered with a yes and was amazed. And I find myself in the same place.
When I am second guessing myself and wondering if I am doing the right thing I am always amazed at the ways God answers me. For example this week I needed a daily reassurance. A few times it did come through reading my Bible. But other times it came when going on a walk and even watching a TV show. And I am often reassured by those around me. Every time God uses someone or something to speak to my heart and my need I am in awe and humbled.
You see I am finding more and more that it is not always the answer that I need. What I often find I need is to know that I am worth getting an answer. That I am worth speaking to. That even in my doubt I am loved. That in my doubt I am not forgotten even though I may feel that way.
And that is the best thing I could ever even attempt to ask for.
This week I have been struggling with second guessing decisions I have made. Truthfully that is something I struggle with often. When I decided to move to Arizona for college I second guessed that a million and one ways even while I was there. I have second guessed this masters program endlessly even though it is obviously right for me. And I find myself second guessing other things all throughout the day.
You see I am a doubter. I find myself in the same boat as Thomas and I don't always count that as a bad thing. See like Thomas I again and again ask to see him. I want to know him and be known by him. Thomas saw and believed. He was answered with a yes and was amazed. And I find myself in the same place.
When I am second guessing myself and wondering if I am doing the right thing I am always amazed at the ways God answers me. For example this week I needed a daily reassurance. A few times it did come through reading my Bible. But other times it came when going on a walk and even watching a TV show. And I am often reassured by those around me. Every time God uses someone or something to speak to my heart and my need I am in awe and humbled.
You see I am finding more and more that it is not always the answer that I need. What I often find I need is to know that I am worth getting an answer. That I am worth speaking to. That even in my doubt I am loved. That in my doubt I am not forgotten even though I may feel that way.
And that is the best thing I could ever even attempt to ask for.
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