stories of a real life wonder woman

I know that might sound a little extreme and crazy and whatever but when you wake up in the middle of the night pooping blood after having already barfed up all the contents of your stomach and more it's easy to quickly think of extremes. So for those of you who are out of the loop... On Christmas after the merriment of the presents and food and everyone being around I started to not feel good while puzzling with the fam. It started with throwing up which then went to throwing up and diarrhea. The throwing up eventually turned into dry heaving and I thought the diarrhea had slowed down but then close to mid-night I woke up having to run to the bathroom to find that my diarrhea had turned red. How awesome right. Anyway we went to the ER and though pooping blood is definitely a get to the hospital now scenario the doctor in the ER said it was probably an infection of some kind and they called for an ambulance to come to take me to OSF. An ambulance coming calmed us down a bit beca

I was thinking that I was done with my to do list of the day and then I thought - oh yeah it's Sunday I need to write my blog. Gosh I should have written down my ideas for this week because now I am sitting here wondering what they were. I do know that I wanted to mention that I work with a lot of guys who have daughters that are around my age. I mention that because they check in on me to make sure I am doing ok. When I told one of them recently that I had  to try to fix my garage door he told me to ask him about that kind of thing. He said he could answer my questions and he lives close by so he could come look at it too if he needed to. Some of the other guys have offered similar things. It's nice to work with such caring people and I feeling like everyday I am seeing why when I first started everyone talked about how the college I work at is like a family. From what I have seen people at work like being around each other and want to help each other out. I think that'

I'm a bit at a lost of what to write today. Not much is going on here. I start early days tomorrow and since I have not been falling asleep before 2 in the morning most nights (I am in bed by 10:30 at the latest) I am not looking forward to having to get up earlier. But I will be able to keep busy during the day at work so hopefully that will help keep me from noticing how tired I am. Not many students will be in either since we just had finals. I am hoping that while they are gone I can get further on my projects to the point where I feel like I am getting somewhere but we will see. A little health update - I have been feeling sick to my stomach a lot recently. I'm not really sure why my body is acting up in that area. Nausea is not anything new for me but I still don't want to deal with it since some days it lasts all day. Church is still hard to go to since I still don't know anyone and I am really not outgoing enough to attempt to introduce myself to anyone. B

Gosh I have been a moody mess this week. Also I am finding that like normal I need to give myself a break. Because I expect myself to have more done or more figured out at my job. I was thinking about that this weekend. About the projects I wish I had done at work and then I remembered that mom wished me happy four months at my job. And all the sudden I was struck by what I do know about my job after only four months. That also reminded me that after being there only four months I have taken on a huge project that keeps growing. And instead of being down on myself I thought "I'm proud of me." I have learned how to do all sorts of new things and step outside of my comfort zone in so many ways. I mean I moved to a town that I had never been to before my interview about  four and a half months ago. That seems crazy to think about. Also crazy to think about is that I am making progress on a project that so many other people have not wanted to touch or have been at a lost of

After being at mom and dad's since Thursday night I am back at my place. And even though it isn't that far away it is always hard to come back. Even though I really do love my job it is hard to come back. And every time I leave mom and dad's house to head back here I feel like I could cry the whole way home and I have to tell myself I can't or I won't be able to drive. Being away from my family sucks. I am not a person who always handles that well. And so I am constantly having to remind myself to focus on the positives of not living in the same town as them. So instead of continuing to think about how it sucks to be away from my family here are some of my favorite things form the last few days... - Watching the parade (as always) and my sister and brother-in-law coming over to watch it. Also explaining to my brother-in-law who doesn't often watch the parade that yes the singers are lip syncing and yes they suck at it but that's part of the fun. - Mom bei

You know how last week I posted about work, my place, and my doctor's appointment? Here's an update on those things. My blood work came back and my creatinine is back down. It's .83 which is really good. Which means I don't need to do a biopsy. So basically I need to remember to drink water while I am at work. At work I felt like God was playing a practical joke on me at first because Monday and Tuesday when I went into work I had more projects added to my list of projects to do. That ended up being more frustrating than anything. Sometimes I think my boss wants to to get projects done right away which frustrates me because I work out front where my job above everything else is to help people. This means I can't always get projects done right away. But most of the time she doesn't expect me to get projects done right away. Most of the time she just figures you have time at night and I trust you will get these done. On a bit more positive note I think I have

This week has been tough on many levels. At work I have been having a hard time relaxing and not getting overwhelmed and stressed by all the things that come across my desk. I am in the middle of multiple projects and that can be nerve wracking for me because I would rather just have one project going at a time so I feel like I can give it my full attention. I know that having multiple going is normal but I am still learning to not put crazy expectations on myself about having them all done right away. If you think of it pray that I would calm down and not put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. At my house I am having a really hard time with my landlord. As many of you may know the power went out Wednesday night because of a storm that went through. I was at work at the time which was a little nerve wracking. I did have a lot of people there looking out for me including one of the night janitors who came up to check on me after the lights flickered. Then Thursday morning I d

This week has been hard. Work has been stressful and crazy in part due to my inability to relax about things and in part due to mistakes made by people in my department that have upset everyone because they effect more than just us. That has been fun to deal with and I have been exhausted this week. On the bright side I got a great haircut this week! And my ultra-sound went well with nothing something up on the ultra-sound. Though we still don't know for sure why my blood work looks the way it does its nice to have that out of the way. And momma and papa Kerr were in town yesterday on their way further south to see family and we went out for lunch. I always enjoy being around them as I believe that they and their boys are great at accepting people as they are. Also we had some delish pizza at this place that my kidney doctor recommended I try. Now on to other things. I love this... Isaiah 61:1-3 "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,      because the Lord has

This week of work has me really worn out. The project I am working on became frustrating Friday. I think mostly because I needed a break from it so hopefully when I go back tomorrow I can get back into a good groove working on it. This weekend has been uneventful. I didn't do much but watch movies. I did explore the town a little more but not much. I also chickened out on going to church this morning. Gosh, going to church alone when you don't really know anyone there is hard. I mean I probably have been spoiled growing up in a church where everybody knows my name - I'm sure not everyone knows what that is like. But no matter what a new church is intimidating. I like the church I have been going to and people have been friendly to me but it is still taking a lot of courage on Sunday morning to decide to go. This morning I could not muster up that courage. In other news I played phone tag with my doctors nurse for a few days this week waiting to get the results from a rout

Friday while driving to RRBC for BOND I had an idea for my post this week and I even kept thinking that would be my post after BOND. I knew I could fit what I thought about for my post in with BOND and some of the things I wanted to say about it. But then I got back to my house and well plans change. See when I get a song like this... stuck in my head I can't not talk about why it is there. See I did not realize how much I needed this weekend and the time I had with my friends. Don't get me wrong I don't go solely because of my friends/family, I go because I care deeply about the kids that come to camp and I want to help them anyway I can in their walk and in life in general. I don't always get that right and I don't always have the answers for them but I want them to know that I am there for them and I care about what happens to them. Anyway I found myself often emotional or almost emotional this weekend. Over the past few months I have been fighting

I told myself that since I was staying here this weekend that I should explore the town since I haven't really been out in it at all. But then I slept pretty much all weekend instead. I guess I needed it. Work and the start of the cold weather has me worn out. I have been learning more and helping with some big projects around the library. That has been nice but I am still carrying some stress from being new at the job. But I still love my job. I was thinking this week about why I keep saying that. I say it yes because it's true but also because it's crazy to me that I get to work at a job I love so much. I grew up listening to dad complain about jobs. Not that he always hated them but when you have to work long hours and you don't always see the pay off that can be hard. It wasn't until mom started her job that I really saw someone loving their job even though mom has her bad days at work like everyone else. But now experiencing it for myself is crazy.

This week has been mostly good. I started to learn some things about cataloging and I am excited to learn more. It makes me feel even more like a librarian. I like that learning this means that I can help out our librarian even more. I still have a lot to learn and I still get stressed out some days but I still love being a librarian. I don't really know how to transition into this so I am just gonna jump right in. John 9:3 "'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.'" I came across this verse again this past week and even though I know this story of this blind man receiving sight and I love that we get to see him making his faith his own I still found myself floored yet again by his story and this verse. I don't often talk about how people have judged me and my parents solely based on the fact that I am and have been sick pretty much all my life. For some reas

First I love my job. I don't want that to be forgotten because it is true. Loving my job makes some of this things from this week and others bearable. This week has been very rough for many reasons. I have not had a lot of energy or gotten a lot of sleep this week. One of the days when I came home for my hour lunch I cried thinking about how I felt like I had no energy to finish my day. I am still learning a lot which is stressful and tiring. Also I may have a harder time with a lady at work than I let on. Thankfully it is only the one I have a hard time with. I am trying to do my best to not let her actions and attitudes effect mine. After our staff development I am also trying my best to do things to better accommodate her personality type. Doing all of that is wearing on me a lot. I also miss having mom and dad a few blocks away. Homesickness is the worst but during the week I am too tired and too busy to really be homesick so that's good. After all of this I have been q

This week at work we had a meeting of sorts where we had what we called staff development for just the library staff. A few days before the meeting we all took a personality test and then in the meeting we discussed those personality types. With the staff development part we were able to learn about each others likes and dislikes to learn how to better work together. We also were able to think about how to better use each others skills based on our personality types. It ended up being kind of cool and has already helped me chill out when working with a lady that sometimes rubs me the wrong way. Even just being able to remind myself that that is how she thinks and that is ok has been a help and has made me less irritable at work. Not that I have lashed out on anyone but I have complained a lot to mom and dad. I still love my job but I don't always like working with her. Anyway taking this personality test and in turn talking about it has gotten me thinking about why I am the way

I have a cold and I don't really feel like posting so this will probably be a short post. This week was pretty great. I feel like I am understanding my job more and getting into a groove. After having some rough days last week this week was quiet and included some pretty coll compliments on my work. That all felt pretty darn good. And then getting sick sucked as per usual but whatever. My b-day was pretty chill and pretty great. Though driving on Friday after work in the CRAZY storm was nerve wracking for the first few minutes because visibility was really horrible. As always I enjoyed being back at mom and dad's and spending time with them. Mostly this week I was happy that I didn't feel stressed or overwhelmed but was really able to enjoy my job. I like that I have been able to answer all kinds of questions from people. That has been a confidence booster. I feel like this week has held a lot of confidence booster moments. That has been much needed and very appreci

I still love my job but this week was harder than all the other ones so far. I have been working on projects all week that have to do with the ordering/budget side of things. I haven't had much experience in that and it makes me nervous that I am dealing with that so much. That has been such a weight on my shoulders this week as I was sure I was messing everything up. I was working on documents that I couldn't find examples of to work from and give me a better idea of what I was doing. I was sure that my supervisor was going to see the mess I was making and would regret hiring me. I figured she would see whatever was done before and compare what I did and see how far off I was creating more work for everyone. I had been so stressed about it that there were a few days when I almost started crying at my desk. My frustrations and doubts mounted over the week about all of that. Then on Friday my supervisor and I met with a lady in the finance office to go over how we could

It was another great week at work. The head librarian and my supervisor - both of whom I am becoming friends with - have been giving me more work because they know that I can handle it and will get it done. It's nice to know that they trust me. It's also nice to like being around them so much. We giggle so much some days. It's an added bonus and is something else that makes me want to go into work. I don't know if I mentioned that everyone at CSC is so nice. A lot of people that work at CSC make me laugh and make me so glad that I work there. It's also nice that some of the other people that are in the library or have offices in the library (like some of the tech help) appreciate me and like that I am organized and accountable. It's nice that they see these things about me and tell them too me too. Getting this job has been a confidence booster in so many ways. This is my first weekend not heading back to mom and dad's for the weekend. I still didn't r

I can't lie this week had quite a few rough moments. I need to work on getting tougher and having thick skin because I am still not good at dealing with conflict or confrontations. But it am going to have to do some of that at my job like when people don't bring their books back and then get upset when they have overdue fines or their student accounts get put on hold. (That means they can't register for classes with us and sometimes with other schools and more.) It's also been a bit rough because of my hemoglobin being low. I am feeling better today but most days I have felt like I am dragging. I have pushed through everyday but being tired also makes me emotional which has been making me more homesick. I have mostly been that way after long days or on Sundays. Trying to find a place to go to church where I feel welcomed has been hard. So if you saw me at church today that's in part because I wasn't feeling brave enough to try out a new church and I was feelin

I feel like I don't really have a lot to share this week. My big news this week is that my hemoglobin is down and we don't really know why. So that's frustrating as per usual. But the good news is that I get to go back to OSF St. Mary's sooner than I thought and take a picture of the crucifix there that I think is funny.  Since I was nervous about training with tech help I should give an update on that. We ended up not having a lot happen at night so I didn't get much training. But I did get a cheat sheet of what to do if different problems come up. So I am not really nervous about that anymore. As per usual I worried for nothing. I mostly feel like I am settling into my job a bit. The other day when I was stressing about getting everything on my desk done I took my break and saw that everyone else has tons of stuff on their desks to do that they don't stress about. It was a good reminder to calm down. Plus I have a ton of time at night to get stuff done s