A few songs and a few updates
This week of work has me really worn out. The project I am working on became frustrating Friday. I think mostly because I needed a break from it so hopefully when I go back tomorrow I can get back into a good groove working on it. This weekend has been uneventful. I didn't do much but watch movies. I did explore the town a little more but not much. I also chickened out on going to church this morning. Gosh, going to church alone when you don't really know anyone there is hard. I mean I probably have been spoiled growing up in a church where everybody knows my name - I'm sure not everyone knows what that is like. But no matter what a new church is intimidating. I like the church I have been going to and people have been friendly to me but it is still taking a lot of courage on Sunday morning to decide to go. This morning I could not muster up that courage.
In other news I played phone tag with my doctors nurse for a few days this week waiting to get the results from a routine blood test. When I finally got a hold of her she said that my doctor wanted to lower my dose of an anti-rejection med (yay!) but also wanted me to do an ultrasound because some of my numbers aren't so great (boo!). Ultrasounds really are no big deal to do but I don't like that my numbers are down. Though as I told mom it could be because I am still trying to settle into a new job and new town. Some days I feel like I have other days I feel like "what am I doing here?" Which is still causing some stress.
Not that any of that is that bad but it has made me think about a Jon Foreman song that I love titled "Learning How to Die" -
(I choose this because I love watching him sing not because of the subtitles. Also I will possibly be talking about some of his new music next weekend as it is blowing my mind and speaking to my heart.)
Listening to this has also lead me to listen to another song sort of along the same lines. This one is by Andrew Ripp and is titled "Waiting Room" -
Even though it might sound funny. I am kind of glad that I have to do an ultra-sound and that my health is at the forefront of my mind yet again. See when it is not and I feel good - like I do now - forget where my hope is and I get distracted by the temporary. I forget that I am learning not only to die but to lean into Jesus in everything. Instead I get caught up in little things of no value like what my title at work is.
Though waiting rooms are no fun I often find it is there that I am crying out to God the most and where I remember who I am and what I was made for. That he made me to rejoice even in the hard times. That he wants me to say like mom said last weekend when sharing a bit about our lives with some of our close friends that "we believe God is still good even when we can't see the end."
I also forget that though life is messy and tough it is in those rough moments when life happens. When beauty can be seen in the ashes. When hearts are revealed. When God softly calls to us.
Even when it sucks that is still the kind of life that I want to experience because it is lived in close proximity with the creator of life.
May you know that the creator and sustainer of life holds your hand through the yuck of life.
In other news I played phone tag with my doctors nurse for a few days this week waiting to get the results from a routine blood test. When I finally got a hold of her she said that my doctor wanted to lower my dose of an anti-rejection med (yay!) but also wanted me to do an ultrasound because some of my numbers aren't so great (boo!). Ultrasounds really are no big deal to do but I don't like that my numbers are down. Though as I told mom it could be because I am still trying to settle into a new job and new town. Some days I feel like I have other days I feel like "what am I doing here?" Which is still causing some stress.
Not that any of that is that bad but it has made me think about a Jon Foreman song that I love titled "Learning How to Die" -
Listening to this has also lead me to listen to another song sort of along the same lines. This one is by Andrew Ripp and is titled "Waiting Room" -
Even though it might sound funny. I am kind of glad that I have to do an ultra-sound and that my health is at the forefront of my mind yet again. See when it is not and I feel good - like I do now - forget where my hope is and I get distracted by the temporary. I forget that I am learning not only to die but to lean into Jesus in everything. Instead I get caught up in little things of no value like what my title at work is.
Though waiting rooms are no fun I often find it is there that I am crying out to God the most and where I remember who I am and what I was made for. That he made me to rejoice even in the hard times. That he wants me to say like mom said last weekend when sharing a bit about our lives with some of our close friends that "we believe God is still good even when we can't see the end."
I also forget that though life is messy and tough it is in those rough moments when life happens. When beauty can be seen in the ashes. When hearts are revealed. When God softly calls to us.
Even when it sucks that is still the kind of life that I want to experience because it is lived in close proximity with the creator of life.
May you know that the creator and sustainer of life holds your hand through the yuck of life.
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