Dreams
I can't lie this week had quite a few rough moments. I need to work on getting tougher and having thick skin because I am still not good at dealing with conflict or confrontations. But it am going to have to do some of that at my job like when people don't bring their books back and then get upset when they have overdue fines or their student accounts get put on hold. (That means they can't register for classes with us and sometimes with other schools and more.)
It's also been a bit rough because of my hemoglobin being low. I am feeling better today but most days I have felt like I am dragging. I have pushed through everyday but being tired also makes me emotional which has been making me more homesick. I have mostly been that way after long days or on Sundays. Trying to find a place to go to church where I feel welcomed has been hard. So if you saw me at church today that's in part because I wasn't feeling brave enough to try out a new church and I was feeling like I wanted to be somewhere that I knew the faces and knew how things would go. Sometimes routine can be comforting and Bethel was that for me today.
But I still love my job and that makes up for how emotional I have been and has made it easier to get out of bed on days when my energy is low.
During my drive today I got thinking about all the times while I was job hunting when I felt like I was failing at life and had paid for a degree for no reason. Along with all the times I started to doubt that I should even be a librarian since I wasn't having any luck finding a job or even getting an interview. And yet - here I am. I am working in my field and I love it.
Which led me to thinking about all the ways that God answered my prayers that started years ago for a future job - not necessarily prayers that I put a lot into but more of things I wished would happen. For example when I moved back from Arizona I kept thinking I want to be in a town that has some of the conveniences of a city but still has a small town feel. A few of those conveniences were a Target and a non-Walmart grocery store. Here I have both of those things.
That led me to thinking about things I didn't even think to ask for but that are perfect for me. One of those is a schedule that works great with my insomnia. I for years have had a hard time falling asleep before midnight even if I am in bed by nine I lay awake in bed for hours unable to get my body to relax and shut down. I tend to get my best sleep in the mornings. At my job I don't go in until the morning is almost over and then I woke the "late shift" closing up the library at night. I am in charge of inter-library loans at the library and so I get to basically send and receive books in the mail. If you know me you know how much I love to write letters and receive letters. Taking care of inter-library loan makes me feel like I am getting the best kind of mail ever.
I forget what other kinds of things I thought of but it blows me away how God remembers even the faintest hint of a whisper of a dream and longs to make that happen for us. That makes me emotional in a whole other way.
So like Hook Hand Thug (I looked it up on imdb and that's his credited name) in Tangled I say - "Go, live your dream." And I would add - keep dreaming and finding new dreams for we serve a God who delights in seeing us dream and in giving us good gifts.
It's also been a bit rough because of my hemoglobin being low. I am feeling better today but most days I have felt like I am dragging. I have pushed through everyday but being tired also makes me emotional which has been making me more homesick. I have mostly been that way after long days or on Sundays. Trying to find a place to go to church where I feel welcomed has been hard. So if you saw me at church today that's in part because I wasn't feeling brave enough to try out a new church and I was feeling like I wanted to be somewhere that I knew the faces and knew how things would go. Sometimes routine can be comforting and Bethel was that for me today.
But I still love my job and that makes up for how emotional I have been and has made it easier to get out of bed on days when my energy is low.
During my drive today I got thinking about all the times while I was job hunting when I felt like I was failing at life and had paid for a degree for no reason. Along with all the times I started to doubt that I should even be a librarian since I wasn't having any luck finding a job or even getting an interview. And yet - here I am. I am working in my field and I love it.
Which led me to thinking about all the ways that God answered my prayers that started years ago for a future job - not necessarily prayers that I put a lot into but more of things I wished would happen. For example when I moved back from Arizona I kept thinking I want to be in a town that has some of the conveniences of a city but still has a small town feel. A few of those conveniences were a Target and a non-Walmart grocery store. Here I have both of those things.
That led me to thinking about things I didn't even think to ask for but that are perfect for me. One of those is a schedule that works great with my insomnia. I for years have had a hard time falling asleep before midnight even if I am in bed by nine I lay awake in bed for hours unable to get my body to relax and shut down. I tend to get my best sleep in the mornings. At my job I don't go in until the morning is almost over and then I woke the "late shift" closing up the library at night. I am in charge of inter-library loans at the library and so I get to basically send and receive books in the mail. If you know me you know how much I love to write letters and receive letters. Taking care of inter-library loan makes me feel like I am getting the best kind of mail ever.
I forget what other kinds of things I thought of but it blows me away how God remembers even the faintest hint of a whisper of a dream and longs to make that happen for us. That makes me emotional in a whole other way.
So like Hook Hand Thug (I looked it up on imdb and that's his credited name) in Tangled I say - "Go, live your dream." And I would add - keep dreaming and finding new dreams for we serve a God who delights in seeing us dream and in giving us good gifts.
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