Hardest Week so far
I still love my job but this week was harder than all the other ones so
far.
I have been working on projects all week that have to do with the ordering/budget side of things. I haven't had much experience in that and it makes me nervous that I am dealing with that so much. That has been such a weight on my shoulders this week as I was sure I was messing everything up. I was working on documents that I couldn't find examples of to work from and give me a better idea of what I was doing. I was sure that my supervisor was going to see the mess I was making and would regret hiring me. I figured she would see whatever was done before and compare what I did and see how far off I was creating more work for everyone. I had been so stressed about it that there were a few days when I almost started crying at my desk. My frustrations and doubts mounted over the week about all of that.
Then on Friday my supervisor and I met with a lady in the finance office to go over how we could better keep track of our budget for the library. When she saw the things we were working on she was very impressed and she we were doing exactly what we needed to do for us. That felt pretty good because I had worked all week (even recreating a file that had become corrupt that IT couldn't retrieve) on those files.
I found out later that hearing that was a huge weight off of my supervisor’s shoulders at our Friday library meeting. I also learned more of the story. I wasn't able to find examples of the things I was working on because I was creating them for the first time after the financials in the library were messed up last week. Basically too many people were in charge of parts of the ordering/budget and they were not communicating well with each other causing all kinds of problems and confusion. The work I was doing to set up things in our budget like tracking standing orders throughout the year will help prevent some of that confusion. Both my supervisor and our head librarian were so thankful for the work I was doing and that I would take on such a big complicated project. Seeing the truth in that situation was needed. After hearing that I no longer felt the pressure I had been feeling and realized another reason why I was hired for the job. It was also another time when I saw how happy they were that they hired me and that felt pretty dang good.
Another win for me recently was that I have been working on a research project for another staff member (in any free time that I have). After sending him things multiple times and searching and searching for what he was looking for a sent him something on a whim that I was unsure of. Feeling like I had hit a dead end in my search for what he was wanting I sent him the link via e-mail and was feeling defeated. Then later in the day he stopped in the library, as he often does, and told me that the last thing I sent him was exactly what he wanted!
I wish I had a follow-up update on trying a church today but sadly I don't. I woke up and showered because I needed to but showering used more spoons/energy than I thought it would. If you are like what the heck does that mean showering used spoons!?! check this out and you will see what I mean - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory
Sadly I can't get the website But You Don't Look Sick to open for me at the moment but it's worth looking up what she says about it since that is where I first heard this and thought "Oh my gosh that is a perfect description of my life." Anyway after showering I had no energy to go to church and didn't even really have any to eat breakfast so I went back to bed and slept for 2 1/2 hours. And I have been resting all day so that I can have spoons for work this week.
Which brings me to a health update I guess - I did have a blood test this week. (I did it on Monday. It is actually a good thing to do on a day off because if getting my blood drawn makes me loose spoons - as it often does - I can sleep all day and not worry about it.) I had my monthly standing order drawn and a few other things since my hemoglobin was low last month. My hemoglobin is back up a bit - still not in a normal range but up. I do however have white blood cells in my urine which could mean some sort of infection so I have to do a urine culture for that. No fun but white blood cells in your urine are no good.
Even with all of that - the stressful week, the almost crying at work, blood test, no spoons, and more I found myself in the car driving to mom and dad's Friday singing as I often do and incredibly thankful for the words in Matt Maher's song "Everything is Grace" because I have repeatedly seen how God turns my fear to faith and my doubt to praise.
May you see him doing that in your life too.
I have been working on projects all week that have to do with the ordering/budget side of things. I haven't had much experience in that and it makes me nervous that I am dealing with that so much. That has been such a weight on my shoulders this week as I was sure I was messing everything up. I was working on documents that I couldn't find examples of to work from and give me a better idea of what I was doing. I was sure that my supervisor was going to see the mess I was making and would regret hiring me. I figured she would see whatever was done before and compare what I did and see how far off I was creating more work for everyone. I had been so stressed about it that there were a few days when I almost started crying at my desk. My frustrations and doubts mounted over the week about all of that.
Then on Friday my supervisor and I met with a lady in the finance office to go over how we could better keep track of our budget for the library. When she saw the things we were working on she was very impressed and she we were doing exactly what we needed to do for us. That felt pretty good because I had worked all week (even recreating a file that had become corrupt that IT couldn't retrieve) on those files.
I found out later that hearing that was a huge weight off of my supervisor’s shoulders at our Friday library meeting. I also learned more of the story. I wasn't able to find examples of the things I was working on because I was creating them for the first time after the financials in the library were messed up last week. Basically too many people were in charge of parts of the ordering/budget and they were not communicating well with each other causing all kinds of problems and confusion. The work I was doing to set up things in our budget like tracking standing orders throughout the year will help prevent some of that confusion. Both my supervisor and our head librarian were so thankful for the work I was doing and that I would take on such a big complicated project. Seeing the truth in that situation was needed. After hearing that I no longer felt the pressure I had been feeling and realized another reason why I was hired for the job. It was also another time when I saw how happy they were that they hired me and that felt pretty dang good.
Another win for me recently was that I have been working on a research project for another staff member (in any free time that I have). After sending him things multiple times and searching and searching for what he was looking for a sent him something on a whim that I was unsure of. Feeling like I had hit a dead end in my search for what he was wanting I sent him the link via e-mail and was feeling defeated. Then later in the day he stopped in the library, as he often does, and told me that the last thing I sent him was exactly what he wanted!
I wish I had a follow-up update on trying a church today but sadly I don't. I woke up and showered because I needed to but showering used more spoons/energy than I thought it would. If you are like what the heck does that mean showering used spoons!?! check this out and you will see what I mean - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory
Sadly I can't get the website But You Don't Look Sick to open for me at the moment but it's worth looking up what she says about it since that is where I first heard this and thought "Oh my gosh that is a perfect description of my life." Anyway after showering I had no energy to go to church and didn't even really have any to eat breakfast so I went back to bed and slept for 2 1/2 hours. And I have been resting all day so that I can have spoons for work this week.
Which brings me to a health update I guess - I did have a blood test this week. (I did it on Monday. It is actually a good thing to do on a day off because if getting my blood drawn makes me loose spoons - as it often does - I can sleep all day and not worry about it.) I had my monthly standing order drawn and a few other things since my hemoglobin was low last month. My hemoglobin is back up a bit - still not in a normal range but up. I do however have white blood cells in my urine which could mean some sort of infection so I have to do a urine culture for that. No fun but white blood cells in your urine are no good.
Even with all of that - the stressful week, the almost crying at work, blood test, no spoons, and more I found myself in the car driving to mom and dad's Friday singing as I often do and incredibly thankful for the words in Matt Maher's song "Everything is Grace" because I have repeatedly seen how God turns my fear to faith and my doubt to praise.
May you see him doing that in your life too.
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