I believe always always...
Our savior never fails even when all hope is gone God knows our pain and his promise remains He will be with you always - Always - Building 429
I have been thinking about this song a lot recently...I think part of the reason I have been besides the fact that I love this song is that people often make sort of a big deal of my family and I dealing with this mess of my life the way we do...people always say that its encouraging or they don't know how we do it or they comment on how good of attitudes we have about it all...when this happens I often think what else am I supposed to do I have no real control over any of this not even giving up because the only time all of this stops is when I am dead so I can't really give up cause I have no control over when my life ends...and I don't always have the best attitude either...I only really go out when I am in a good mood so I don't snap on people that I don't really know...but I do believe that God never fails and that for me gives me more hope than anything and helps put me in a good mood...that and one of my favorite movies or some Rob Dyrdek Fantasy Factory...
Something to me that is sort of interesting that I have been thinking about is my reactions at the time of all this craziness going on these past weeks...like before I had my seizures and I couldn't see anything I was freaking out a little in my head but was calm when trying to explain myself to mom...when my hemoglobin was 2 though and I was trying to get my meds out when Nicole came over I wasn't really freaking out though maybe I should have been...I was calm inside and out...I think I was too tired to be freaking out...I do remember I was annoyed that I was shaking so much and couldn't open my meds...when Nicole got there I think she was getting annoyed with me because she kept telling me that she would get my meds for me but I kept trying to do it myself and sort of making a mess...I remember I really just wanted to lay down and go back to sleep though and if I did that I probably wouldn't have woken back up if Nicole wasn't there...I still haven't really freaked out about either though...I haven't had one of those oh my gosh I almost died break down and cry moments...maybe I am just getting used to the craziness of my life so I don't really freak out as much anymore...watch I will say that now and then tomorrow I will have a huge break down cause it's all building up...hahahaha...
Training has been going really good...Kathy our nurse taught us pretty much everything in one week so now we are getting in practice and trying to set off alarms so that we get them with her so we have some idea of what to do even though we have a book full of alarms and what to do when they happen...like a lot of the nurses we know she is a lot of fun and we are getting to know her pretty well...that makes the time go faster...
I have to say I am having a hard time today and this week with being away from home for another week in a row...not that I am not happy that we are doing training because it will be great to be able to do dialysis at home...and I am happy that Kathy is trying to get us done fast that is super nice of her...and I love Love LOVE that Taylor is letting us stay with her...we have had so much fun with her...but I am ready to be home in my own room in my know bed and be done with all the renovations to get ready for the dialysis machine because I am ready to just chill in my room and it be clean and stay clean...I am ready to be back in Dixon and have my friends like Nicole close by...I just have been away from home for too long and just going home for a few days on the weekend is not cutting it right now...
I CANNOT wait for thanksgiving...I have been excited about it for a while...why I have been so excited for so long I am not sure...I know I am freakin excited about the parade this year...I love parades and this parade is a big deal...and I am excited about that...I am also excited about being home and being around my mom and dad and my brother and sister and sister-in-law and nephews...and eating all that food especially now that I am eating all the time like crazy....and I will finally be home so that will be great as well....it's gonna be the BEST EVER!!!!
I have this feeling this week is going to be a little hard for me so continue to keep me in your prayers...I may not be in the hospital barfing up blood but sometimes it's the emotional things that are actually the things that are hard to deal with...especially for me because I deal with the health stuff all the time...
I have been thinking about this song a lot recently...I think part of the reason I have been besides the fact that I love this song is that people often make sort of a big deal of my family and I dealing with this mess of my life the way we do...people always say that its encouraging or they don't know how we do it or they comment on how good of attitudes we have about it all...when this happens I often think what else am I supposed to do I have no real control over any of this not even giving up because the only time all of this stops is when I am dead so I can't really give up cause I have no control over when my life ends...and I don't always have the best attitude either...I only really go out when I am in a good mood so I don't snap on people that I don't really know...but I do believe that God never fails and that for me gives me more hope than anything and helps put me in a good mood...that and one of my favorite movies or some Rob Dyrdek Fantasy Factory...
Something to me that is sort of interesting that I have been thinking about is my reactions at the time of all this craziness going on these past weeks...like before I had my seizures and I couldn't see anything I was freaking out a little in my head but was calm when trying to explain myself to mom...when my hemoglobin was 2 though and I was trying to get my meds out when Nicole came over I wasn't really freaking out though maybe I should have been...I was calm inside and out...I think I was too tired to be freaking out...I do remember I was annoyed that I was shaking so much and couldn't open my meds...when Nicole got there I think she was getting annoyed with me because she kept telling me that she would get my meds for me but I kept trying to do it myself and sort of making a mess...I remember I really just wanted to lay down and go back to sleep though and if I did that I probably wouldn't have woken back up if Nicole wasn't there...I still haven't really freaked out about either though...I haven't had one of those oh my gosh I almost died break down and cry moments...maybe I am just getting used to the craziness of my life so I don't really freak out as much anymore...watch I will say that now and then tomorrow I will have a huge break down cause it's all building up...hahahaha...
Training has been going really good...Kathy our nurse taught us pretty much everything in one week so now we are getting in practice and trying to set off alarms so that we get them with her so we have some idea of what to do even though we have a book full of alarms and what to do when they happen...like a lot of the nurses we know she is a lot of fun and we are getting to know her pretty well...that makes the time go faster...
I have to say I am having a hard time today and this week with being away from home for another week in a row...not that I am not happy that we are doing training because it will be great to be able to do dialysis at home...and I am happy that Kathy is trying to get us done fast that is super nice of her...and I love Love LOVE that Taylor is letting us stay with her...we have had so much fun with her...but I am ready to be home in my own room in my know bed and be done with all the renovations to get ready for the dialysis machine because I am ready to just chill in my room and it be clean and stay clean...I am ready to be back in Dixon and have my friends like Nicole close by...I just have been away from home for too long and just going home for a few days on the weekend is not cutting it right now...
I CANNOT wait for thanksgiving...I have been excited about it for a while...why I have been so excited for so long I am not sure...I know I am freakin excited about the parade this year...I love parades and this parade is a big deal...and I am excited about that...I am also excited about being home and being around my mom and dad and my brother and sister and sister-in-law and nephews...and eating all that food especially now that I am eating all the time like crazy....and I will finally be home so that will be great as well....it's gonna be the BEST EVER!!!!
I have this feeling this week is going to be a little hard for me so continue to keep me in your prayers...I may not be in the hospital barfing up blood but sometimes it's the emotional things that are actually the things that are hard to deal with...especially for me because I deal with the health stuff all the time...
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