Fresh start

I feel like I still have some things to say even though I just wrote a post yesterday...and I have been trying to write one...but I didn't like it...and something felt off about it...so I decided the best thing to do was to start all over again...

It keeps coming to my attention that people seem to not understand how sick I really am...and though it seems like the people who understand the most are the people who have seen me in the hospital...or people who have seen me go from being fine to passing out in a matter of seconds...the people who have witnessed what my sickness does to me...but since I can't really plan to get deathly ill in a crowded place I thought I would try again to explain things with words...

The best way I know how to explain it is to say I need a life saving surgery...I need it...even though it could kill me I can't live without it...like a cancer patient needs to get rid of cancer to live...I need a working kidney to live...without it everything I do is only keeping me alive for a short period of time...I'm not trying to be dramatic...I am trying to be truthful...dialysis can only help so much...and while it's helping it is also destroying...I need it to live...but it is slowly killing me...

I don't know how else to put it...I don't know what else to say to help people understand...people say the better they understand the better they are able to help...but I don't know what to tell you to do for a dying person...

What I do know is that when we use the gifts God has given us that's when God works through us...and I don't see what could be better than that...

I also know that oftentimes using your gifts means doing the simple things out of love...and really there is nothing simple about that...

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