Overwhelming day

You know you're having a bad day when every little thing good or bad feels overwhelming...that's been me today...even the good news of mom having an appointment to go talk to the transplant doctors because they are still considering having her be the donor after her latest blood test made me want to cry...and not happy tears...it's been one of those days where the realities of my life feel like to much to handle...

Which is kind of comical since people frequently ask me how I do it...how I live this life daily...how I get through all the tough stuff...people have even suggested that I share at church...to which I decline because really I am not so great at the talking in front of people thing...and since swearing has become a frequent part of me telling my story I don't think people in my church would like that...I'm pretty sure a lot of people would think me saying shit from the pulpit would be a horrible sin...and besides just the swearing I tend to say a lot of stupid things...but here I can delete them and type something else up making myself sound way better...plus I never know what to tell people about my life...

I am not the one that is doing anything to make it through...God is doing all the heavy lifting...I'm just a long for the ride...

I never know what to say either about what I am learning through all this...maybe because I feel like I am still learning it so what gives me any right to speak on it...and most of the time I feel like I don't know what I am learning until after the fact...

All I know for sure is that God oftentimes drags us into the crap things in life so that we realize again and again how lost we are without him...

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt." Hosea 2:14 & 15

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Scars

Image
I said quite some time ago that I would post a picture of my newest scar...and then I forgot...when I remembered I thought why not just do a post about my scars...I know people who have tattoos and show those off...but I don't have those instead my story is etched on my body in a different way...so here it is...and in some of them I tried to circle scars that I thought were hard to see but it may end up being easier to see them without my attempt at helping... So these first two are obviously of my stomach...the scar with the one by it is hard to see but that scar is over 20 inches long...it wraps around my left side...you can see the end of it in the picture below...that is from my first transplant from when I was 8...the scar with the 2 by it is from my most recent transplant...which as you can tell is much smaller and is still a little red because it's still healing...the three scars circled under my belly button in the bright blue are from dialysis when I was 21 mon
Read more

It’s been a while

Hey there, So it’s been a while. I wish I could say I was returning with amazingly great news about life or some mind blowing tidbit about Jesus. But I think by now if you are reading this or have rread any of my posts in the past you know that is not this blog. Having a blog that mostly chronicals the downs of being a person with a chronic illness means that posting again after a bit of a hiatus can really only mean one thing - more downs to report. If you’ve seen my recent social media posts. You might think, “How can that be? You are doing all this work at your house.” Well when you are sick you get good at knowing that life goes on no matter how you feel. So you go on and sometimes above with it. Here’s what is going on - after having a horrible appointment with a gynecologist in something like October I finally decided I really needed to see someone else because the increasing pain on and off my period is not ok. And as someone who has wanted a hysterectomy for more than 1
Read more

After Moving Day

Health update - I have been feeling better since starting this medication. The side effects were a little rough at first but I think my body has adjusted since I have been feeling much better and have energy again. Mom and Dad moved into their newly remodeled house this weekend and I am so happy for them. They have needed a one story house for a few years since they have been talking about it even before Dad's accident. We have already created so many fun memories and stories to tell during the renovation that I can't wait to see what other adventures this house has for our family. Often during this move I have felt like other people have been more attached to my parents house than my family. Sure my brother, sister and I all grew up in that house and we had a lot of fun memories in that house. But a four bedroom, two level house was too much house for my parents to live in alone. In the past few years instead of being able to remember the fun times in the house we've j
Read more