Strength verse Stubbornness
I don't really have any updates to give this week on my health.
I did get to see my brother Gar this weekend after their big win! (Conference champs for the first time since I think 1966.) He has been helping coach the varsity boys basketball at DHS. I am pretty dang proud of him not just for the win but for the way he tries to live his life. Anywho I didn't think I would get to see him while he was home but we both ended up at Angelo's around the same time so I did get to see him.
Also this week I got to talk to one of my favorite people in the world on the phone, my grandpa. Talking to him puts a smile on my face, I just think the world of him.
At the house the counter tops are in and the showers are getting tiled. They have also have been working on staining wood for the trim and the doors. I think mom's excitement grows a little more each time something new is put in.
I'm not really sure what else to write about. Mom gave me an idea but I feel like I don't know how to write about that topic. But maybe I will try.
Mom told me today about somebody who thinks I am intimidating because I am strong. I find that odd because I don't find either of those things true about myself. I often feel like I am not strong but just in denial. I don't think mom would put it that way. She would say that I want to live and have a full life. I say I'm in denial because I often don't realize how bad things really are/were until I look back.
I have been doing a lot of looking back recently.
I've been thinking about my time living in Arizona. How I was sicker than I would like to admit and threw up more times before class than I would like to say. Then because I didn't want my grandma to worry I would cry after my monthly doctor's appointments in the parking lot and then bottle all that up to try not let on how upset I really was.
Then camp that year when I got home. Needing the golf cart to get me around camp, struggling to physically get out of bed every morning, running to the bathroom during every meal, and passing out in the bathroom - none of that made me not want to be out there. Granted it was a rough time in life. Yet having no power after passing out on that gross floor and Kenny repeatedly asking me were my legs were because I lost so much weight never really made me think I should go home. Others suggested it and yet I said no. Looking back to me that's not strength that's stubbornness. I even tried to lie to myself about how much weight I had lost. I consistently said around 20 pounds but it was more like 35-40 pounds.
At the time and even looking back I feel like I was were I should have been both in Arizona and at camp. I was living life how I knew how to. Not with strength but with a stubborn resolve that never wants to be told what to do. Though that has been a character trait that has kept me alive it is more a character flaw that I wish I could shake.
And though I only see the negative I am glad I am surrounded by people who can see the positive.
And since I feel like posting it here is a video that some friends made for me that summer. I don't think they knew when they made it how much I needed the encouragement then and how much I would need it in the future. (ps the first part is a drawing type thingy then after that is the encouragements.)
I did get to see my brother Gar this weekend after their big win! (Conference champs for the first time since I think 1966.) He has been helping coach the varsity boys basketball at DHS. I am pretty dang proud of him not just for the win but for the way he tries to live his life. Anywho I didn't think I would get to see him while he was home but we both ended up at Angelo's around the same time so I did get to see him.
Also this week I got to talk to one of my favorite people in the world on the phone, my grandpa. Talking to him puts a smile on my face, I just think the world of him.
At the house the counter tops are in and the showers are getting tiled. They have also have been working on staining wood for the trim and the doors. I think mom's excitement grows a little more each time something new is put in.
I'm not really sure what else to write about. Mom gave me an idea but I feel like I don't know how to write about that topic. But maybe I will try.
Mom told me today about somebody who thinks I am intimidating because I am strong. I find that odd because I don't find either of those things true about myself. I often feel like I am not strong but just in denial. I don't think mom would put it that way. She would say that I want to live and have a full life. I say I'm in denial because I often don't realize how bad things really are/were until I look back.
I have been doing a lot of looking back recently.
I've been thinking about my time living in Arizona. How I was sicker than I would like to admit and threw up more times before class than I would like to say. Then because I didn't want my grandma to worry I would cry after my monthly doctor's appointments in the parking lot and then bottle all that up to try not let on how upset I really was.
Then camp that year when I got home. Needing the golf cart to get me around camp, struggling to physically get out of bed every morning, running to the bathroom during every meal, and passing out in the bathroom - none of that made me not want to be out there. Granted it was a rough time in life. Yet having no power after passing out on that gross floor and Kenny repeatedly asking me were my legs were because I lost so much weight never really made me think I should go home. Others suggested it and yet I said no. Looking back to me that's not strength that's stubbornness. I even tried to lie to myself about how much weight I had lost. I consistently said around 20 pounds but it was more like 35-40 pounds.
At the time and even looking back I feel like I was were I should have been both in Arizona and at camp. I was living life how I knew how to. Not with strength but with a stubborn resolve that never wants to be told what to do. Though that has been a character trait that has kept me alive it is more a character flaw that I wish I could shake.
And though I only see the negative I am glad I am surrounded by people who can see the positive.
And since I feel like posting it here is a video that some friends made for me that summer. I don't think they knew when they made it how much I needed the encouragement then and how much I would need it in the future. (ps the first part is a drawing type thingy then after that is the encouragements.)
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