Battles
This week I tried to take some time to rest.
I talked to my boss at the start of the week to let her know some of the things I have been freaking out about at work and to ask if it was ok if I took a day off to try to relax. She told me "Yes!" because she gets that it is hard to do your best work or really any work when you are stressed out of your mind. She later told me that when I went in to talk to her she was worried I was going to say I got another job and was leaving her and she thought "no you can't leave me!" (I only share that part because I need to remember how valued I am.)
So in the middle of the week I took a day off and because my boss approved it I felt like I could actually relax without freaking out about the work I was missing like I did when I took a sick day.
I would love to say taking that day off and actually resting solved everything but it didn't. I have still had a lot of rough days and rough moments. Evidently I don't know how to chill out even though I have been trying to learn how to do that for what feels like forever. To make matters worse I then beat myself up for not knowing how to chill out which then only stresses me out more.
Anyway mom has been trying to help me to remember to look for one positive in everyday. Some days that is harder than others and I have remind myself that even little things can still be a positive for the day.
For example Friday I sat in on a committee meeting for my boss and came away feeling overwhelmed and a little intimidated. But to counter those feelings I had to remind myself that some of the people in the meeting that I found intimidating are people that know they can count on me to find the information they are looking for and that is a big deal.
Too often I can overshadow really good things by my own feelings of doubt and insecurity.
Too often I belittle the things that I am good at by thinking they are not grand or important.
Too often I let lies win over the truth.
Everyday is a battle to let the truth win one more time than the day before.
It's not an easy battle to fight but fighting is the only option I see.
May you win one more battle each day this week as well.
I talked to my boss at the start of the week to let her know some of the things I have been freaking out about at work and to ask if it was ok if I took a day off to try to relax. She told me "Yes!" because she gets that it is hard to do your best work or really any work when you are stressed out of your mind. She later told me that when I went in to talk to her she was worried I was going to say I got another job and was leaving her and she thought "no you can't leave me!" (I only share that part because I need to remember how valued I am.)
So in the middle of the week I took a day off and because my boss approved it I felt like I could actually relax without freaking out about the work I was missing like I did when I took a sick day.
I would love to say taking that day off and actually resting solved everything but it didn't. I have still had a lot of rough days and rough moments. Evidently I don't know how to chill out even though I have been trying to learn how to do that for what feels like forever. To make matters worse I then beat myself up for not knowing how to chill out which then only stresses me out more.
Anyway mom has been trying to help me to remember to look for one positive in everyday. Some days that is harder than others and I have remind myself that even little things can still be a positive for the day.
For example Friday I sat in on a committee meeting for my boss and came away feeling overwhelmed and a little intimidated. But to counter those feelings I had to remind myself that some of the people in the meeting that I found intimidating are people that know they can count on me to find the information they are looking for and that is a big deal.
Too often I can overshadow really good things by my own feelings of doubt and insecurity.
Too often I belittle the things that I am good at by thinking they are not grand or important.
Too often I let lies win over the truth.
Everyday is a battle to let the truth win one more time than the day before.
It's not an easy battle to fight but fighting is the only option I see.
May you win one more battle each day this week as well.
Comments
Post a Comment