3 years
First - I love that Jason Gray just released an album titled "Where the Light gets in" and Switchfoot is soon releasing an album titled "Where the Light Shines Through." I think that's cool that the titles are so similar and they are about the same thing - that God works in our brokenness.
Second - I had an in office appointment with my GI doc that was pretty uneventful and we set up a time for my yearly scope. Even though I know that I will have to go every year for probably the rest of my life that still can be a hard reality to swallow. I can tell I was having a hard time with it the other day because I kept stressing about scheduling the appointment and missing work and some of the unimportant things that really aren't the root of the problem. Anyway I have calmed down now and I work with people who are all very understanding so time off is really no problem which then reminds me that Jesus knew this job would be a good fit for me.
Today I celebrate 3 bonus years of life because of Alex. Wednesday I will celebrate 25 years of being sick (yes I celebrate that - being sick has made me who I am) and 18 years since my first transplant (yes I still celebrate that even though that kidney no longer functions - it still gave me 13 extra years till I had to start dialysis and be put on the transplant list).
Sometimes this date is more bitter than sweet because of the loss of Alex that is still felt. But some years it is more sweet because I am able to focus on the positives.
Because people have mentioned to both me and my mom that they love that we talk about Alex I thought I would share some of the things we share or talk about.
Mom often will talk about Alex and his accomplishments. Like when people ask "who's Alex?" because I often say his name when referring to my kidney mom will talk with excitement about how Alex climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro.
I think I have share this here before but I have found myself craving things I never really ate before my transplant even things I didn't like. I've talked a little to Alex's dad and found out the things I crave are things he loved like burgers and BBQ. There is this place where I live now called the Rib Shack and every time I drive past this little part of me says "we should stop and get some BBQ." I totally blame Alex for that because I never even like BBQ before but now I find myself not only liking it but wanting it. I have not stopped at the Rib Shack yet but I am sure Alex will be happy when I do.
Also knowing that Alex was an aerospace engineer I find myself having this curiosity about space travel. I sort of thought it was cool before in like a passing sort of way. But I have read a couple books recently and I have been finding that I want to read more. I want to see what Alex was so fascinated by. Also I used to always look up at the moon and think "Hey, Man in the Moon." but now when I look up I think "We put multiple people up there. How cool is that?"
What seems to be my mom's favorite cause it makes her laugh is when I talk about how sometimes I have a hard time sleeping cause Alex isn't happy with how I am laying. Now I know that sounds weird but there will be times when the side where Alex's kidney is will hurt a little. Not in a bad way just like an annoyed way if that makes sense. Like when your arm muscles feel weird when you start to fall asleep on your arm. Anyway I will be laying on my right side - which is my Alex kidney side - and my kidney won't like it. So I will roll to the other side - still won't like it. So I will roll to my back - not happy. Roll to my stomach - still annoyed. When this happens I will often say something like "Come on Alex we gotta get some sleep." Sometimes me listens sometimes not.
And I try to remember every day to thank God for Alex.
Because I don't ever want to forget how great a gift he has given me. And I find that I still want to say his name as often as possible.
I have heard too many stories from donor families that feel like their loved ones gift has gone unnoticed. I don't ever want that to be the case. Part of Alex is living on through me and keeping me alive. Though I may not be an adventurer or an explorer like he was I can keep his memory alive by saying his name.
His name was Alex and I will forever be in his debt and I can't wait to meet him someday when we both get to party with Jesus.
Second - I had an in office appointment with my GI doc that was pretty uneventful and we set up a time for my yearly scope. Even though I know that I will have to go every year for probably the rest of my life that still can be a hard reality to swallow. I can tell I was having a hard time with it the other day because I kept stressing about scheduling the appointment and missing work and some of the unimportant things that really aren't the root of the problem. Anyway I have calmed down now and I work with people who are all very understanding so time off is really no problem which then reminds me that Jesus knew this job would be a good fit for me.
Today I celebrate 3 bonus years of life because of Alex. Wednesday I will celebrate 25 years of being sick (yes I celebrate that - being sick has made me who I am) and 18 years since my first transplant (yes I still celebrate that even though that kidney no longer functions - it still gave me 13 extra years till I had to start dialysis and be put on the transplant list).
Sometimes this date is more bitter than sweet because of the loss of Alex that is still felt. But some years it is more sweet because I am able to focus on the positives.
Because people have mentioned to both me and my mom that they love that we talk about Alex I thought I would share some of the things we share or talk about.
Mom often will talk about Alex and his accomplishments. Like when people ask "who's Alex?" because I often say his name when referring to my kidney mom will talk with excitement about how Alex climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro.
I think I have share this here before but I have found myself craving things I never really ate before my transplant even things I didn't like. I've talked a little to Alex's dad and found out the things I crave are things he loved like burgers and BBQ. There is this place where I live now called the Rib Shack and every time I drive past this little part of me says "we should stop and get some BBQ." I totally blame Alex for that because I never even like BBQ before but now I find myself not only liking it but wanting it. I have not stopped at the Rib Shack yet but I am sure Alex will be happy when I do.
Also knowing that Alex was an aerospace engineer I find myself having this curiosity about space travel. I sort of thought it was cool before in like a passing sort of way. But I have read a couple books recently and I have been finding that I want to read more. I want to see what Alex was so fascinated by. Also I used to always look up at the moon and think "Hey, Man in the Moon." but now when I look up I think "We put multiple people up there. How cool is that?"
What seems to be my mom's favorite cause it makes her laugh is when I talk about how sometimes I have a hard time sleeping cause Alex isn't happy with how I am laying. Now I know that sounds weird but there will be times when the side where Alex's kidney is will hurt a little. Not in a bad way just like an annoyed way if that makes sense. Like when your arm muscles feel weird when you start to fall asleep on your arm. Anyway I will be laying on my right side - which is my Alex kidney side - and my kidney won't like it. So I will roll to the other side - still won't like it. So I will roll to my back - not happy. Roll to my stomach - still annoyed. When this happens I will often say something like "Come on Alex we gotta get some sleep." Sometimes me listens sometimes not.
And I try to remember every day to thank God for Alex.
Because I don't ever want to forget how great a gift he has given me. And I find that I still want to say his name as often as possible.
I have heard too many stories from donor families that feel like their loved ones gift has gone unnoticed. I don't ever want that to be the case. Part of Alex is living on through me and keeping me alive. Though I may not be an adventurer or an explorer like he was I can keep his memory alive by saying his name.
His name was Alex and I will forever be in his debt and I can't wait to meet him someday when we both get to party with Jesus.
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