Good Day
Oh my gosh - Today was so good.
I have been here since August. I have tried 3 different churches including the one I tried today. I have felt ignored and a bit shamed for being sick. I have tried to make bad things work. I have cried thinking of how I didn't want to go to a church where I didn't feel I belonged. I have ducked out of service early.
And yet I have put myself out there time and time again knowing that I need that connection only to feel unwanted.
But today - guys today was so what I needed.
Five people talked to be before the service including the pastor. So then for the first time since I have moved here I actually took communion. That felt like a big step. Then during church one of the ladies I had already talked to invited me to stay after since they were having pizza before a meeting. Then after church another lady invited me to stay as well. Then when I tried to leave since I don't actually know anyone (Who would I sit with?) the pastor kind of blocked my way and introduced me to more people so that I would feel like I could stay and sit with different people. Then after I was sitting down and talking to a few people a few people I had already met came over to check on me to make sure I was meeting people - how cool is that.
It was nice to sit and talk and laugh with the body. To feel like I am wanted and valued. And to be invited back by multiple people. Along with being invited to other things as well.
Guys I seriously met like half of the body that meets at this church today.
And it makes me regret going to the other churches time after time when no one talked to me.
And it makes me feel like maybe I do have a place in this town.
And even though I am still emotional and stressed out about so many others things this feels like a bit of a glimmer of hope.
And sometimes that means everything.
I have been here since August. I have tried 3 different churches including the one I tried today. I have felt ignored and a bit shamed for being sick. I have tried to make bad things work. I have cried thinking of how I didn't want to go to a church where I didn't feel I belonged. I have ducked out of service early.
And yet I have put myself out there time and time again knowing that I need that connection only to feel unwanted.
But today - guys today was so what I needed.
Five people talked to be before the service including the pastor. So then for the first time since I have moved here I actually took communion. That felt like a big step. Then during church one of the ladies I had already talked to invited me to stay after since they were having pizza before a meeting. Then after church another lady invited me to stay as well. Then when I tried to leave since I don't actually know anyone (Who would I sit with?) the pastor kind of blocked my way and introduced me to more people so that I would feel like I could stay and sit with different people. Then after I was sitting down and talking to a few people a few people I had already met came over to check on me to make sure I was meeting people - how cool is that.
It was nice to sit and talk and laugh with the body. To feel like I am wanted and valued. And to be invited back by multiple people. Along with being invited to other things as well.
Guys I seriously met like half of the body that meets at this church today.
And it makes me regret going to the other churches time after time when no one talked to me.
And it makes me feel like maybe I do have a place in this town.
And even though I am still emotional and stressed out about so many others things this feels like a bit of a glimmer of hope.
And sometimes that means everything.
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