Monday Post

I am aware that I am a little late in writing this. Last night I thought "I have tomorrow to write." And then continued watching movies and it was lovely.

I don't know about you but the extra day off has been needed and great. I think that we all need breaks now and then and I am trying to get better at actually taking breaks.

For the past few days I have been trying to think of how to say what I want to post about this week. What is happening is actually a good thing but I feel like I don't quite know how to describe it.

What is happening is that I feel like slowly but surely I am seeing myself again for who I am. I use the word seeing but that doesn't quite sound right but it is a better choice than finding. It's more like I am beginning to do and say things again that my true self loves to do and doing it without thinking about it. When it happens I have these little moments where I think "Oh, there you are." about myself. Which sort of makes it sound like I have been hiding - which when I think about it is sort of true.

For a while now I have been doing things to sort of please people. At least that's how it feels. Like I have silently been trying to not upset people by not speaking my mind or not doing the things I like to do without seeing how much that has been ruining me. And how those actions have made me believe that because I like the things I do and because I am the way I am that I am in some way less than or worse than everyone else. Which is not true.

So noticing those little things has been great and feels like a big accomplishment.

I was talking to a friend the other day about it and couldn't think of examples and truthfully I still can't. It's odd how those little things that makes us us seem insignificant but make us who we are.

Anyway this too is helping me relax more about things and not be so uptight or fearful.

For example I have been much more relaxed at work and not putting such unrealistic expectations on myself which has been very nice. And I am finding my confidence again through this which is great. Well maybe that's not the right description either. It's more like as I am reminded of these things that make me me I am remembering what my confidence is in - why I love these things about myself.

 And it is a nice feeling to remember why you like being you. And even better to feel like you are being that person again.

I'm not sure if any of that makes sense but feeling like I am becoming me again has been refreshing and much needed.

Hope you have enjoyed the long weekend like I have. May you find that you like and are confident in who you are and were made to be.