Sick Kid Thoughts
Hey everyone,
This week has been hard for me. I am still fighting with my body over quite a bit of nausea after eating. I also have been flipping back and forth between thinking this nausea is connected to my previous intestinal problems and the possibility that is could be some type of stomach flu. Either way I have been feeling super gross and worn out from pushing myself through the days.
This got me thinking about how since I am always sick I feel like I have be be sick enough to miss work before I stay home or go home. I feel like for me what happens is I feel like I have to prove to myself somehow that its ok to miss. And I was thinking about how I define or measure that sickness. The main points would be vomiting, fever, or hospitalization. Now if I had a fever or was throwing up that much I would have to go to the hospital anyway because of my health history. But I have been known to not often get a fever. And I have also been known to not only not throw up often but will myself not to throw up because I hate that feeling so much. Which over all means those things do not often happen (I haven't thrown up or had a fever since before I moved here). However I still get sicker whether those things happen or not.
It should be no surprise that I put unrealistic expectations on myself about how sick I think I should be. It's like I know that I am a sick kid but I expect my body to do things that not even a healthy body can do.
Also even though this is nothing new to me I am nervous about my GI appointment this week. It is just an in office appointment so it's no big deal. I just have been thinking ahead and playing the "what if" game. You know, "what if they don't find anything when they do a scope, what then?" "what if they do find something when they do a scope, what are they going to try to change then to help me?" And as I am sure you can tell the "what if" game is not a good one. And worrying about those things changes nothing. If you think about it would you pray that when I go to my appointment tomorrow that they are able to get me in for a scope quickly. Right now I am living with almost constant nausea. My stomach gets upset that I am not eating but then when I eat it gets more upset because there is something wrong with my stomach. Which you know is as fun as it sounds.And I would love if we could find out a possible why quickly.
As always thank you for your love and support and for lifting me up before our father.
This week has been hard for me. I am still fighting with my body over quite a bit of nausea after eating. I also have been flipping back and forth between thinking this nausea is connected to my previous intestinal problems and the possibility that is could be some type of stomach flu. Either way I have been feeling super gross and worn out from pushing myself through the days.
This got me thinking about how since I am always sick I feel like I have be be sick enough to miss work before I stay home or go home. I feel like for me what happens is I feel like I have to prove to myself somehow that its ok to miss. And I was thinking about how I define or measure that sickness. The main points would be vomiting, fever, or hospitalization. Now if I had a fever or was throwing up that much I would have to go to the hospital anyway because of my health history. But I have been known to not often get a fever. And I have also been known to not only not throw up often but will myself not to throw up because I hate that feeling so much. Which over all means those things do not often happen (I haven't thrown up or had a fever since before I moved here). However I still get sicker whether those things happen or not.
It should be no surprise that I put unrealistic expectations on myself about how sick I think I should be. It's like I know that I am a sick kid but I expect my body to do things that not even a healthy body can do.
Also even though this is nothing new to me I am nervous about my GI appointment this week. It is just an in office appointment so it's no big deal. I just have been thinking ahead and playing the "what if" game. You know, "what if they don't find anything when they do a scope, what then?" "what if they do find something when they do a scope, what are they going to try to change then to help me?" And as I am sure you can tell the "what if" game is not a good one. And worrying about those things changes nothing. If you think about it would you pray that when I go to my appointment tomorrow that they are able to get me in for a scope quickly. Right now I am living with almost constant nausea. My stomach gets upset that I am not eating but then when I eat it gets more upset because there is something wrong with my stomach. Which you know is as fun as it sounds.And I would love if we could find out a possible why quickly.
As always thank you for your love and support and for lifting me up before our father.
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