A few thoughts from the week
Hey,
So I know I said last week that I might start posting on Mondays and here we are on Sunday and I am posting. But I have some different thoughts/thing on my mind so I thought why not post. NOw the question is can I remember them all.
First this album came out recently -
And I am digging it. And as per usual Matt Maher's music is speaking to my heart. So you know - check it out maybe.
Second I thought I would give a little update for those of you who are following what is going on with my church. I know some of you were praying when I was trying out churches and trying to figure out where I maybe fit. And then rejoiced when I said that I had found a church. And then a few of you rejoiced some more when I mentioned a few months ago that the people I sit by in church were trying to encourage me to be on the worship team (and some of you agreed and tried to gently push as well - Gary.) Well today I did it. And others told me it went well. And not that it didn't I just still have some mixed feelings and apprehensions. Part of it is that it has me missing the people I has lead with at camp and how well we knew what each other was doing and how invested we are in each others lives. And with that comes wanting to take what I learned there and apply it here but also not wanting to step on anyone's toes or be overbearing. Another part is that I have this horrible tendency to compare myself to others i.e. I am not as trained as them, not as talented as them, and all around less than. And that doubt in my mind can make it not only hard to focus on the music but to also enter into worship. And so today in my doubt I had to remind myself a lot that yes I want to figure out how to be involved in my church (which is also kind of scary since everything still feels so new) but above that all I am doing is singing to my King. But some clarity in the next few weeks as I continue to try this out would be nice. So if you think of it would you pray for me.
My other thought this week was that I have noticed how recently when I look in the mirror I feel like I see me staring back. I have posted a few times over the last few years about feeling like I had lost or buried my true self deep inside and how I have been going through a process of finding myself again in a series of "oh there you are moments." Part of that that I did not even really realize was a thing until recently is that I didn't always notice me when looking in the mirror - if that makes sense. But I have all week been feeling like I look in the mirror and I know that girl. I don't quite know how to describe it but it is a good feeling. I look and I think "I remember you and all your contradictions. That's me." I know how odd that might sound but I am not sure how else to say it. It's that feeling like you lost track of something and then slowly finding bits and pieces of it and getting it all reassembled without really realizing it until later. Followed by the constant unexpected reminder that things are not really what they once were but yet they are still only somehow better because you learned and grew and were painfully stretched in the process. Yeah, that - it's a pretty great feeling.
And if none of that made sense then I hope that means you have never lost yourself along the way like I have. But if you have take it from me God always makes a way back or a way into something better or even a great mix of both.
So I know I said last week that I might start posting on Mondays and here we are on Sunday and I am posting. But I have some different thoughts/thing on my mind so I thought why not post. NOw the question is can I remember them all.
First this album came out recently -
And I am digging it. And as per usual Matt Maher's music is speaking to my heart. So you know - check it out maybe.
Second I thought I would give a little update for those of you who are following what is going on with my church. I know some of you were praying when I was trying out churches and trying to figure out where I maybe fit. And then rejoiced when I said that I had found a church. And then a few of you rejoiced some more when I mentioned a few months ago that the people I sit by in church were trying to encourage me to be on the worship team (and some of you agreed and tried to gently push as well - Gary.) Well today I did it. And others told me it went well. And not that it didn't I just still have some mixed feelings and apprehensions. Part of it is that it has me missing the people I has lead with at camp and how well we knew what each other was doing and how invested we are in each others lives. And with that comes wanting to take what I learned there and apply it here but also not wanting to step on anyone's toes or be overbearing. Another part is that I have this horrible tendency to compare myself to others i.e. I am not as trained as them, not as talented as them, and all around less than. And that doubt in my mind can make it not only hard to focus on the music but to also enter into worship. And so today in my doubt I had to remind myself a lot that yes I want to figure out how to be involved in my church (which is also kind of scary since everything still feels so new) but above that all I am doing is singing to my King. But some clarity in the next few weeks as I continue to try this out would be nice. So if you think of it would you pray for me.
My other thought this week was that I have noticed how recently when I look in the mirror I feel like I see me staring back. I have posted a few times over the last few years about feeling like I had lost or buried my true self deep inside and how I have been going through a process of finding myself again in a series of "oh there you are moments." Part of that that I did not even really realize was a thing until recently is that I didn't always notice me when looking in the mirror - if that makes sense. But I have all week been feeling like I look in the mirror and I know that girl. I don't quite know how to describe it but it is a good feeling. I look and I think "I remember you and all your contradictions. That's me." I know how odd that might sound but I am not sure how else to say it. It's that feeling like you lost track of something and then slowly finding bits and pieces of it and getting it all reassembled without really realizing it until later. Followed by the constant unexpected reminder that things are not really what they once were but yet they are still only somehow better because you learned and grew and were painfully stretched in the process. Yeah, that - it's a pretty great feeling.
And if none of that made sense then I hope that means you have never lost yourself along the way like I have. But if you have take it from me God always makes a way back or a way into something better or even a great mix of both.
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