Just some thoughts from tonight
For those of you who don't know I am involved with a youth ministry thing that happens on Tuesday nights at the ministry center behind Bethel Church called Coalition...it's a lot of fun and you should come if you can...and if you already come you know how great it is...
Anywho after tonight I have been thinking about a few things that really stuck me...tonight we didn't have a message like we normally do...we played a game that took awhile and then just did some praise and worship...one of the songs we did is the song "None but Jesus"...in the song there is the line "now I live to bring you praise" and as I was singing that line I started to cry because I thought "is that why I am still alive?"...how often have I been so close to death and how often have a wanted that because I look forward to Heaven and seeing Jesus and the hope I have there...and yet I am still here...and how often have a wondered why...and those words tonight hit me pretty hard..."now I live to bring him praise"...is that why I am alive to praise him and show people what it looks like to praise with all that I am despite being sick and drained and wanting to give up...if that is the case I think I am failing at that right now since I don't want to praise...I want to whine and complain and tell him how much I hate all of this...I don't to tell him how great he is and how faithful and good he is no matter what...I am not going to sugar coat anything it is really hard to praise him right now...but if I truly believe that he is good despite what I am going through how could I not continue to praise him...it's hard because even though he is my strength and my every breath of life right now I do want to be mad at him for dishing out this life to me with what feels like hit after hit...but even though my life sucks that doesn't take away from who he is and what he has already done for me...and that is a cause for praise...
As we were singing this song is also made me think of another song I have loved for many years called "3 Times" based on Paul talking about the thorn in side that he prayed to God about asking him to remove it...but then seeing that when Paul was weak God was strong and the beauty in that...anyways this song came to mind because I often get thinking doesn't God get tired of seeing us in pain and crying...like recently I have been crying a lot...this song says "but as I'm crying I open my eyes and I see you're crying with me as you sympathize I see hope in your eyes cause you're working this out for the good of me"...to often I forget that...I forget that my God is a God who isn't passive and careless about us...he doesn't dump us in a situation and wait for us to work it out by ourselves...he wades through the muck and the mire with us even carrying us when we feel we can't go on...and he is there cheering us on saying you can do this I got your back...and all at the same time he waits for us at the end waiting to welcome us with open arms and to look back and celebrate with us over what we have accomplish and learned and see who we have become...
Sometime that lesson comes so that he really can draw us closer and make us fully his and so we are more in love with him than ever...here's why I say that...we also sang "How He Loves Tonight"...and though that song doesn't usually hit me that hard because I feel like it is over played and over sung it hit me kind of hard tonight...but he is a jealous God and he wants all of us...sometimes I think I know jealously all to well because I get jealous of my friends sometimes because I want to hang out with and spend time with them and sometimes don't like when they hang out without me...because I love them I want to be around them all the time and I want to look after them and protect them even though they can do that for themselves...God is sort of the same way...he wants all of us all the time with nothing to get in the way...and as I was singing the song I was thinking about how I am that tree getting ripped apart and torn apart by the hurricane...and though that is painful and is sucks...thin k of what happens after natural disasters...new more beautiful things can grow and the old is made new again...God is ripping me apart to make me better..make me whole...and bring me closer to me because he wants all of me...every little piece...and since he made me and then died for me I think he more than deserves all of me...
Anywho after tonight I have been thinking about a few things that really stuck me...tonight we didn't have a message like we normally do...we played a game that took awhile and then just did some praise and worship...one of the songs we did is the song "None but Jesus"...in the song there is the line "now I live to bring you praise" and as I was singing that line I started to cry because I thought "is that why I am still alive?"...how often have I been so close to death and how often have a wanted that because I look forward to Heaven and seeing Jesus and the hope I have there...and yet I am still here...and how often have a wondered why...and those words tonight hit me pretty hard..."now I live to bring him praise"...is that why I am alive to praise him and show people what it looks like to praise with all that I am despite being sick and drained and wanting to give up...if that is the case I think I am failing at that right now since I don't want to praise...I want to whine and complain and tell him how much I hate all of this...I don't to tell him how great he is and how faithful and good he is no matter what...I am not going to sugar coat anything it is really hard to praise him right now...but if I truly believe that he is good despite what I am going through how could I not continue to praise him...it's hard because even though he is my strength and my every breath of life right now I do want to be mad at him for dishing out this life to me with what feels like hit after hit...but even though my life sucks that doesn't take away from who he is and what he has already done for me...and that is a cause for praise...
As we were singing this song is also made me think of another song I have loved for many years called "3 Times" based on Paul talking about the thorn in side that he prayed to God about asking him to remove it...but then seeing that when Paul was weak God was strong and the beauty in that...anyways this song came to mind because I often get thinking doesn't God get tired of seeing us in pain and crying...like recently I have been crying a lot...this song says "but as I'm crying I open my eyes and I see you're crying with me as you sympathize I see hope in your eyes cause you're working this out for the good of me"...to often I forget that...I forget that my God is a God who isn't passive and careless about us...he doesn't dump us in a situation and wait for us to work it out by ourselves...he wades through the muck and the mire with us even carrying us when we feel we can't go on...and he is there cheering us on saying you can do this I got your back...and all at the same time he waits for us at the end waiting to welcome us with open arms and to look back and celebrate with us over what we have accomplish and learned and see who we have become...
Sometime that lesson comes so that he really can draw us closer and make us fully his and so we are more in love with him than ever...here's why I say that...we also sang "How He Loves Tonight"...and though that song doesn't usually hit me that hard because I feel like it is over played and over sung it hit me kind of hard tonight...but he is a jealous God and he wants all of us...sometimes I think I know jealously all to well because I get jealous of my friends sometimes because I want to hang out with and spend time with them and sometimes don't like when they hang out without me...because I love them I want to be around them all the time and I want to look after them and protect them even though they can do that for themselves...God is sort of the same way...he wants all of us all the time with nothing to get in the way...and as I was singing the song I was thinking about how I am that tree getting ripped apart and torn apart by the hurricane...and though that is painful and is sucks...thin k of what happens after natural disasters...new more beautiful things can grow and the old is made new again...God is ripping me apart to make me better..make me whole...and bring me closer to me because he wants all of me...every little piece...and since he made me and then died for me I think he more than deserves all of me...
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