What to say about this week and today
First I should probably update you on how my doctor's appointment went the other day...it was super great...no for real it was...I got the stitches out of my cath and it hurts way less now cause of that...and it looks really good...healing super nicely despite the pain I was having in it...I am slowly gaining weight as my doctor has been raising my dry weight...that may or may not make sense but if you don't understand ask me and I will explain it...my last blood test looked really good and my hemoglobin was high for me so that good cause it was just about the low end of normal for everyone else...he said I was eating good and to keep doing what I was doing there which is nice cause I am back to eating whatever I want...I don't remember everything else that was good...but he also wants to start me back on epo at a low dose to try and boost my red blood cell count to keep me from getting transfusions...I told him I was ok with trying that but it I started getting major headaches again forget it...he also lowered the dose of one of my meds to try to drop my blood pressure even more...so that should help with the headaches as well...it was kind of funny cause he was sort of in a hurry to see me since he hadn't seen me in a while and I think he was a bit nervous...since last time he saw me my body was getting over freaking out but when he saw how good I was doing and how good I looked he felt a lot better...so that all was a nice Christmas present...
Then I guess I should share a little about today...there are few people or reasons or whatever that I would get up early for...two of those people happen to be two little boys that live down the street...we got up a little before 6 this morning so that we could open presents around that time...now if you don't know this about me I like sleep...I may not be able to get much of it at night these days but I really do love it...I found out recently that even when I was little I liked sleep...I guess one Christmas morning when everyone wanted to open presents I didn't want to I wanted to go back to bed...hahahahahaha...sounds like something I would do...anywho even though I don't really like getting up early it was worth it this morning because those little boys get so excited about everything...Jeremiah as per usual when opening his presents would forget that he still had more to open and wanted to get every present out and play with it...and then I am pretty sure the first present Matthew played with was his floor puzzle of a T-Rex...things like that make me happy...I got some pretty sweet stuff...like my Wonder Woman jumpin jammerz I happen to be wearing right now...I got quite I few Wonder Woman themed things this year and that is pretty sweet cause if you haven't noticed I'm a little obsessed with her...
This year leading up to Christmas has been interesting to me...some days it felt like Christmas was on its way other days I couldn't believe it was December and only in part because of the weather...to me though I kept enjoying the days before Christmas a lot more than I have n the past...knowing that Christmas was approaching got me excited...thinking about how we celebrate the birth of the savior of the world made the hard days not so hard...its cool to me that he is God but he didn't make a huge deal about his birth...he was born in a lowly way and didn't make a huge announcement to everyone saying "hey come and see me I'm here"...no flashing lights or parades no news coverage no comforts...not the normal welcome that the birth of an important baby like that should bring...most babies aren't born around animals in the cold of the night with only the parents there but that's the welcome he got...his visitors weren't family members eager to greet a new family member but Shepards who were misfits and outcasts...it really is kind of crazy to think about that such a tiny little venerable thing would go on to bring us new full freeing life...
I could probably go with that but I sort of feel like I am rambling so I will move on...
Having a good report at the doctors office and waiting the celebrated birthday of Emmanuel did help lifted my spirits this week but I still have been sort of a Debbie downer...sometimes I wonder if a big cry would make that better...and though I know I really just have to wade through all of this I do find it annoying because I don't like feeling crappy...or being whiny...its not me at all...I have never felt like being this way really solves anything...when I'm done complaining and crying my problems are still around so what good does it do...I know I probably shouldn't take that attitude but its a hard one to break...I also have like zero patience for feeling this way...I just want to feel better emotionally now...I don't want to wait anything out...I'm sick of waiting and of long life journeys that seem to never end...I don't really want to add another one to the list...and here I go complaining again...its hard not to do when I sleep so much of my life away because I am so drained and depressed because of life...the weird thing is that even though I am depressed and not to pleased with my life right now I still hate feeling like I am wasting it and lately I have been feeling like I have been wasting a lot of days...so I really have been trying to find something to celebrate in each day or something that makes me feel alive...today being able to celebrate with my family and feel present and involved in that celebration kept today from feeling like I wasted it...I need more days like today where I celebrate and where I am happy that I have woken up another day on this Earth and less days of thinking whats the point....
Then I guess I should share a little about today...there are few people or reasons or whatever that I would get up early for...two of those people happen to be two little boys that live down the street...we got up a little before 6 this morning so that we could open presents around that time...now if you don't know this about me I like sleep...I may not be able to get much of it at night these days but I really do love it...I found out recently that even when I was little I liked sleep...I guess one Christmas morning when everyone wanted to open presents I didn't want to I wanted to go back to bed...hahahahahaha...sounds like something I would do...anywho even though I don't really like getting up early it was worth it this morning because those little boys get so excited about everything...Jeremiah as per usual when opening his presents would forget that he still had more to open and wanted to get every present out and play with it...and then I am pretty sure the first present Matthew played with was his floor puzzle of a T-Rex...things like that make me happy...I got some pretty sweet stuff...like my Wonder Woman jumpin jammerz I happen to be wearing right now...I got quite I few Wonder Woman themed things this year and that is pretty sweet cause if you haven't noticed I'm a little obsessed with her...
This year leading up to Christmas has been interesting to me...some days it felt like Christmas was on its way other days I couldn't believe it was December and only in part because of the weather...to me though I kept enjoying the days before Christmas a lot more than I have n the past...knowing that Christmas was approaching got me excited...thinking about how we celebrate the birth of the savior of the world made the hard days not so hard...its cool to me that he is God but he didn't make a huge deal about his birth...he was born in a lowly way and didn't make a huge announcement to everyone saying "hey come and see me I'm here"...no flashing lights or parades no news coverage no comforts...not the normal welcome that the birth of an important baby like that should bring...most babies aren't born around animals in the cold of the night with only the parents there but that's the welcome he got...his visitors weren't family members eager to greet a new family member but Shepards who were misfits and outcasts...it really is kind of crazy to think about that such a tiny little venerable thing would go on to bring us new full freeing life...
I could probably go with that but I sort of feel like I am rambling so I will move on...
Having a good report at the doctors office and waiting the celebrated birthday of Emmanuel did help lifted my spirits this week but I still have been sort of a Debbie downer...sometimes I wonder if a big cry would make that better...and though I know I really just have to wade through all of this I do find it annoying because I don't like feeling crappy...or being whiny...its not me at all...I have never felt like being this way really solves anything...when I'm done complaining and crying my problems are still around so what good does it do...I know I probably shouldn't take that attitude but its a hard one to break...I also have like zero patience for feeling this way...I just want to feel better emotionally now...I don't want to wait anything out...I'm sick of waiting and of long life journeys that seem to never end...I don't really want to add another one to the list...and here I go complaining again...its hard not to do when I sleep so much of my life away because I am so drained and depressed because of life...the weird thing is that even though I am depressed and not to pleased with my life right now I still hate feeling like I am wasting it and lately I have been feeling like I have been wasting a lot of days...so I really have been trying to find something to celebrate in each day or something that makes me feel alive...today being able to celebrate with my family and feel present and involved in that celebration kept today from feeling like I wasted it...I need more days like today where I celebrate and where I am happy that I have woken up another day on this Earth and less days of thinking whats the point....
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