I guess I should talk about my health first

If you haven't heard this week has been a little crazy...the doctor has had me testing my Hemoglobin about every other day to keep checking on it trying to make it to the 14th when I can test my blood against Randy's to see if we would be a good match...I had to go to KSB both Tuesday and Thursday to get it checked...then I do an at home blood test tomorrow and we get the results of that Wednesday...which will be three days from 6 weeks...trying to do everything I can to make it...at the last blood test my hemoglobin was 6.9...which is usually when he gives me blood...let me side track and explain something real quick...I might have said this before but...for most people a low hemoglobin would be like 10...I normally run in the 7's...so yeah...my body stays at a hemoglobin of 10 for like a week after a transfusion...maybe...anywho right now I am really tired and trying to take it easy and eat things that should help my red blood cell count hopefully...I have also been trying to be really smart about this and not stubborn...I have been trying to pay close attention to how I feel...like if I am little headed...disoriented...that type of thing meaning that my hemoglobin is way super low...none of that has happened so far...but if it does happen I want to be wise and say ok I need blood forget about waiting to test I'm gonna die without some blood in my body...I really don't want that to happen though cause I want to be able to test against Randy's blood and I also want us to be a good match because I am so ready for this all to be over...so dealing with all that this past week was a little hard and I imagine this week will be hard too...I am not so good at waiting...even just that can make me REALLY emotional...it's hard not to think about too because we have gotten this close before only to be disappointed and I don't want to be disappointed again...so that has meant even less sleep for me...add that to the insomnia for having a failing kidney and the insomnia as a side effect of my meds and you get me sleeping maybe 2 or 3 hours a night...I make up for it during the day most of the time though so that balances out I guess...however mom and I have been saying how amazing Dr Sader is and how glad we are that he is my doctor because he too seems to want to make sure I can make it too that date so he is trying to help out by keeping close tabs on my hemoglobin so that's nice...every time I have gotten it checked recently when Kathy talks to him about it he say recheck it again tomorrow then call me...so that's what we have been doing...love that he is trying to help out in that way because he knows how I really need to get some blood in to be tested for transplant stuff...

Moving on...

Some other things have happened this week as well...good things...fun thing...

First good thing I have really been noticing this week...I am gaining weight...and I think it finally looks like I am...I don't look like a walking skeleton...my face is full again...most of the time...I got so used to it being skinny and hollow that now that it's full I forget that its not water weight...but is actually healthy and wanted weight...which is a good thing...I keep having to up my dry weight too because I keep putting on actual weight instead of just the weight of the watery toxins that my body was carrying around...that makes me feel good...

Then in our family we had two birthdays this week...daddy's was Tuesday and Ashley's Thursday...on dad's birthday while I was on dialysis he and mom watched Matthew and Jeremiah for a bit...they came up and saw me hooked up to the machine and had some questions...mainly pointing and asking "what's that?"...after we told Matthew it cleaned my blood...he asked "It cleans all your blood?" I think in partly shocked and the other part in awe thinking that was cool...I just said yes because I wasn't sure what else to say to him about that...and then he started acting like a little expert about it saying the things that I had said about it...emphasizing that it cleaned ALL my blood...it was so cute...then when it was time to get off the machine Matthew didn't want to stop playing downstairs to watch but Jeremiah did...so he came up and sat on my bed with me with a mask on taking up his whole face just taking everything in...he especially paid attention when the machine was pumping all my blood back to me flushing saline through the line to give me everything back possible...we told him to watch the line change from red to clear...he watched that really closely...that was pretty close to me that my little nephews were so into that...

One of the fun things...I went out to eat with Nicole Leah and Jordan on Wednesday...we sort of dressed up...it wasn't as dressy as I have been but it was pretty dressy for the twins who were wearing heels for like the first time ever...and I couldn't help but make fun of them as they already complained about their feet hurting...and then we sort of had a dance party at my house...needless to say we ate a lot and laughed a lot...pretty typical us...and it was a lot of fun...though I was tired it was nice to spend time with them and see them enjoying life...that's encouraging to me...

And as someone who is slightly obsessed with her hair Friday was one of my best day because I got a much needed haircut...there is nothing that makes me feel as good and feel like I look as good as a new haircut...it just puts me a in a good mood and I feel like I can't stop smiling about how much I love my hair...and that is always a good thing in my opinion...its quite a self esteem booster for me...so I guess I should thank Heather Cavanaugh for helping with that since she always gives me such fabulous haircuts and we laugh like the whole time I am getting my haircut too...so thanks Heather...LOVE IT...

And today was pretty great...my brothers Danny and Garrett were over like all day...so dad mom and I spent the day with them playing games and putting together puzzles...it was a fun simple day that made me feel pretty great and very loved...despite all my health issue I am one blessed girl...and it's gonna suck big time when Danny has to go back to AZ...

I mainly wanted to write about all that stuff to try and be positive because all of that stuff helped made this week not feel like a super crappy week...I don't want to know how hard it would have been without all of that lovin...having my friends over just wanting to spend time with me no matter what we do makes me think of the verses "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn" which mom also shared in Sunday school this morning...when  am having days like I have had this past week and I imagine I will have this week these verses come to mind because I am thankful for the friends that I have that are willing to do that...I know it may not be glamorous or fun at time...believe me I know its boring sitting around my house watching movies all the time...I am under no illusion that it is otherwise...but having people who are willing to sit with me is so great...I really don't need anything fancy to be encouraged and I found that most people don't...so I would encourage you to do something simple for someone in your life this week to encourage them...it will probably mean more than you could ever know...