Yesterday was not my best day

I had to have an iron iv...that's when they hook you up to an iv and give you liquid iron over a period of time...it helps you when you have low iron or low hemoglobin...unless you are like me and the iron iv makes you sick...sick as in fever nauseous light headed diarrhea gonna pass out all at the same time...that part yesterday ended up not being the problem though since they gave the iron to me super slow so that my body could handle it...instead the problem was my veins didn't want to work...it took them five times to get the iv in...they would get it part of the way in and then they would hit something in my vein...like scar tissue or something and then it wouldn't go in the rest of the way...and they give you a little numbing shot to before they go to put in the iv so that you don't feel the needle...so they did that five times too...that's a total of ten pokes for one visit...and then I had to go home and do dialysis and get poked by those giant needles...

So if you will allow me too for a hot second (I really don't know why I feel the need to put the word hot in front of everything) I really want to complain about this...because well at my age...really any age I shouldn't have to deal with so much scar tissue being built up in my body making everything so dang difficult...really it pisses me off a little...why is this my body and why is this my life...some days I hate it a little bit...such its brought good things and I can boast in all that God has done but it has not been fun at all...getting stuck with needles 12 times in one day is not fun...having to take medications that make me super sick is not fun...feeling sick the majority of the time is well you know not fun...

I often ask God when am I going to get something cool...like when am I going to get a giant dance party...which I did recently get at camp so I guess I can't get too mad...but I think you know what I mean...why do huge bad things happen to me and not really huge good things...

But then God reminds me of all the good things that I can enjoy and how the bad things have made the good things that much better...like being able to celebrate friends weddings becomes a huge deal...and having a dance party at camp feels like a celebration of life...and remembering these things I start to love my life again...

It's funny how easily I can get upset and yet how easily I can turn it all around and be happy and feel blessed again...what a fickle human I am...I was thinking about that last night when I was praying because I just wanted to cry about the days events and yet I also wanted to be fine and let it past...I find myself doing this a lot...wanting to let my emotions run crazy and yet not...it would seem I still need to learn that it is ok to have emotions and be emotional about things...you would think I would have learned that by now since it seems to be an issue a lot...and yet I still find myself stuck on that one...probably has something to do with me not liking messes...and emotions are messy...

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