Doubts and Disappointments

I can't seem to get my thoughts together this week to write a post...

I keep writing...editing...deleting...rewriting...deleting again...editing some more...only to decide it is all crap and delete everything...I have deleted multiple post in their entirety thus far...

The reason for all of that is because of something I have been dealing with a lot this week...and that's doubt...

This week I have been thinking about how people tell me I'm a good writer...or that I have a life changing story to tell...or that God has incredible plans for me...but so much of me is doubting that...

I'm feeling a little lost...and oh my gosh I have been crying a lot...

It doesn't help that this week I started classes and well I am disappointed...last semester I passed with great grades and I barely tired...wrote papers at the last minute...didn't pay attention in class...the usual for me...and I hated it...I thought getting my master's was going to be a lot harder and would challenge me...so far I don't feel challenged at all...

So that is making me doubt that I am doing the right thing with my life...see I loved my major classes when I got my bachelor's...I was learning so much and was having so much fun...and felt validated...right now I sort of feel like I am wasting money...and time...and that's a sucky feeling...

I find myself having to constantly remind myself how much I love the actual work of being in a library...

I often find myself being even more discouraged at times when my classmates sound like they are having so much fun...I think maybe I am not cut out for this...I also have been feeling a bit out of place because it seems like everyone else has worked as a teacher or is undergoing some serious career change...or already they already have a master's or doctorate in something else...it's intimidating...

Doubting myself in that situation doesn't help when it comes to my other doubts...

And because I have all these doubts about my writing abilities and if I even have anything worth while to say I find myself not knowing what to post and not wanting to post anything at all...

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