Recovering
Before anything else I feel I should share this -
I don't actually enjoy having people know my business. Yes, I am glad people want to pray for me and care for me but I often wish there was a different way to do that. Because I don't like having any attention on me in anyway. But when you are sick a lot of attention is going to be on you. So I started writing these as a way to keep people updated on what I am dealing with. But every week it is a struggle for me to write these. It is a struggle every week to open myself up and let others in. I would rather hide away but God continues to force me out of my comfort zone in the hope that someone else will read these and learn something or even maybe feel like they are not alone.
So here's how this week went after getting home. I spent a lot of time in bed sleeping off my sickness. I spent a lot of time on the couch watching movies with mom. I didn't spend a lot of time eating since the antibiotic I was on made me feel tired, dizzy, sick to my stomach, and more. It wasn't until yesterday (Saturday) that I finally ate three meals in a day since before I got sick. My loss of appetite worried my mom and I think it may have worried my dad how much I was sleeping. But I took the last dose of the antibiotic that was causing all those sides effects yesterday so I am feeling much better today.
Besides sleeping a lot and doing zero (both of which I had already planned to do over my break) I spent a lot of time fighting off doubts. As I am sure I have mentioned before when I get sick it is easy for me to think that I am a burden. Getting sick over a vacation or holiday can make me feel like I have ruined vacation. Not because of anything my family says but because of the negativity that so easily slips into my mind. And so while I am sick not only is my energy being spent to get better but also spent constantly fighting off the doubts and negativity that plague me. Then I also have to fight of the thoughts that - I should get used to disappointments because that's all that comes. When the reality is that God does big, beautiful, exciting things in my life. And that though I may only see these things (like getting sick over my Christmas break) as bad at the moment that doesn't mean that God can't use them for good.
Because God made my body this way. Nothing was out of his sight - not my kidney failure, not my transplants, not my times on dialysis, not my time on and off the waiting list, and not any of the times I have been rushed to the hospital like this time. Nothing. And I believe that he is working right now in all those things to bring about His Plan - which is far greater and far more important than any of my plans.
May you see how he is working His Plan in your life.
Happy New Year.
I don't actually enjoy having people know my business. Yes, I am glad people want to pray for me and care for me but I often wish there was a different way to do that. Because I don't like having any attention on me in anyway. But when you are sick a lot of attention is going to be on you. So I started writing these as a way to keep people updated on what I am dealing with. But every week it is a struggle for me to write these. It is a struggle every week to open myself up and let others in. I would rather hide away but God continues to force me out of my comfort zone in the hope that someone else will read these and learn something or even maybe feel like they are not alone.
So here's how this week went after getting home. I spent a lot of time in bed sleeping off my sickness. I spent a lot of time on the couch watching movies with mom. I didn't spend a lot of time eating since the antibiotic I was on made me feel tired, dizzy, sick to my stomach, and more. It wasn't until yesterday (Saturday) that I finally ate three meals in a day since before I got sick. My loss of appetite worried my mom and I think it may have worried my dad how much I was sleeping. But I took the last dose of the antibiotic that was causing all those sides effects yesterday so I am feeling much better today.
Besides sleeping a lot and doing zero (both of which I had already planned to do over my break) I spent a lot of time fighting off doubts. As I am sure I have mentioned before when I get sick it is easy for me to think that I am a burden. Getting sick over a vacation or holiday can make me feel like I have ruined vacation. Not because of anything my family says but because of the negativity that so easily slips into my mind. And so while I am sick not only is my energy being spent to get better but also spent constantly fighting off the doubts and negativity that plague me. Then I also have to fight of the thoughts that - I should get used to disappointments because that's all that comes. When the reality is that God does big, beautiful, exciting things in my life. And that though I may only see these things (like getting sick over my Christmas break) as bad at the moment that doesn't mean that God can't use them for good.
Because God made my body this way. Nothing was out of his sight - not my kidney failure, not my transplants, not my times on dialysis, not my time on and off the waiting list, and not any of the times I have been rushed to the hospital like this time. Nothing. And I believe that he is working right now in all those things to bring about His Plan - which is far greater and far more important than any of my plans.
May you see how he is working His Plan in your life.
Happy New Year.
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