A few Thoughts on a Life of Illness
Hey there,
So it's Sunday night as per usual i don't know for sure what to write about.
I keep thinking about maybe writing a little recap of life and about things that I deal with on a daily basis because of being sick in part for the newcomers to my blog but also because I don't feel like I often do an adequate job at explaining life as a person with chronic kidney disease. But since I am still sort of unsure how to go about that that idea for now is still simmering on the back burner.
What I will do is share this - https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
It's a little lengthy but this person does a great job at explaining everyday as a sick person and explaining spoon theory. Since I am still recovering from a cold I have been thinking about my spoons even more. Being sick on top of being sick is always a spoon stealer. That has made days this past week long and tiring but I've made it. Sometimes when you are thinking about your spoons so much you have to acknowledge even the smallest accomplishments for the day like getting out of bed. If you did that for another day that has already been a major accomplishment. And sometimes that is the best accomplishment of the day and that's ok. And sometimes that is a hard reality to face as well.
Because this has been on my mind a little lately as well - I get jealous when people can talk about being sick in the past tense. And here's the thing, I really am happy for them that they are healed or cured. And I also love that I continue to learn things about myself and God through my illness. But it still can be hard for me to rejoice with those who rejoice when others are healed/cured. This is something I constantly have to work on and check myself about.
See my heart and head know that God is good in both and when I think about how good he is while I am still sick I don't want it to change. My hope is set on heaven and not only the healing that will come then but just in being with the lover of my soul. But I do still sometimes think about how it might be nice to not have to think about how many spoons I have.
Recently someone I know commented about how she was getting off this unpleasant med after being on it for months. And I am glad that she is not dealing with the nastiness of that medicine. But a part of me still thought "I've been on that medicine almost longer than you've been alive."
Sometimes even in Gods goodness the realities of life are hard to bare.
And so though I believe what Matthew 7:9-11 says about good gifts -
"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
I also know that my understanding of those gifts is limited and that I can easily lose sight of all the good that comes from a perceived bad gift. And so I often find myself like the father in Mark 9:24 crying out to Jesus saying "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
So it's Sunday night as per usual i don't know for sure what to write about.
I keep thinking about maybe writing a little recap of life and about things that I deal with on a daily basis because of being sick in part for the newcomers to my blog but also because I don't feel like I often do an adequate job at explaining life as a person with chronic kidney disease. But since I am still sort of unsure how to go about that that idea for now is still simmering on the back burner.
What I will do is share this - https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
It's a little lengthy but this person does a great job at explaining everyday as a sick person and explaining spoon theory. Since I am still recovering from a cold I have been thinking about my spoons even more. Being sick on top of being sick is always a spoon stealer. That has made days this past week long and tiring but I've made it. Sometimes when you are thinking about your spoons so much you have to acknowledge even the smallest accomplishments for the day like getting out of bed. If you did that for another day that has already been a major accomplishment. And sometimes that is the best accomplishment of the day and that's ok. And sometimes that is a hard reality to face as well.
Because this has been on my mind a little lately as well - I get jealous when people can talk about being sick in the past tense. And here's the thing, I really am happy for them that they are healed or cured. And I also love that I continue to learn things about myself and God through my illness. But it still can be hard for me to rejoice with those who rejoice when others are healed/cured. This is something I constantly have to work on and check myself about.
See my heart and head know that God is good in both and when I think about how good he is while I am still sick I don't want it to change. My hope is set on heaven and not only the healing that will come then but just in being with the lover of my soul. But I do still sometimes think about how it might be nice to not have to think about how many spoons I have.
Recently someone I know commented about how she was getting off this unpleasant med after being on it for months. And I am glad that she is not dealing with the nastiness of that medicine. But a part of me still thought "I've been on that medicine almost longer than you've been alive."
Sometimes even in Gods goodness the realities of life are hard to bare.
And so though I believe what Matthew 7:9-11 says about good gifts -
"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
I also know that my understanding of those gifts is limited and that I can easily lose sight of all the good that comes from a perceived bad gift. And so I often find myself like the father in Mark 9:24 crying out to Jesus saying "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
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