BRAVE
So I'm possibly about to super contradict myself all within one blog post...
Before I do that I will tell you that my appointment today was fine...nothing much happened even though I left in a bad mood...mom is going to have to do more blood tests because they aren't happy with some of her numbers...she needs to be as close to perfect health as possibly...so I would love if you would keep that in mind when you are praying...
Now on to contradicting myself...
Sara Bareilles came out with the song "Brave" yesterday...and it's no secret that I love her...and this song is pretty legit...it's got all the things I love...a killer beat...heartfelt lyrics...a powerhouse of a voice...and when I listen to the song it hits me to my core...
Here it is...
Now I'm not really one who is known to hold my tongue but I do a lot more than I would like to...more often than not I just want to call Bullshit on anything and everything...or I want to get in peoples' faces when they are being stupid...or other similar things...which in reality it might be good that I keep my mouth shut...but there are other times when it's not so good...because I let those feeling boil under the surface...I don't want to upset anyone else or start a fight...so I fume to myself...which isn't healthy...
Sure I have my outlets...like my friends...or this blog...but that doesn't really solve the issues...and I oftentimes feel like I can't be 100% real even on my blog because it would upset someone...
So I hear this song as a call to myself to speak up...to be the fighter that I say I am...and not in a picking fights sort of way...but fight for my own voice to be heard...to be able to voice my opinions and frustrations and emotions...
I also hear this as a call to my friends...I feel like I can see all this potential in them that they don't always see and I want to see them accomplish their dreams...and I want to call to them and tell them that I know they can be brave...
At the same time being brave can suck...see I told you I was going to contradict myself...in my attempts to be brave in the past and to speak up about my feelings and emotions I have ended friendships...I have hurt people I love...and in being brave in my life...facing all the things thrown at me...I have gotten tired and become sick of fighting...trying to be brave means I cry a lot because I have a lot of bad days that are hard or where I fail to be brave...
I don't want to sugar coat it or not speak in truth...I want my words to have meaning and depth...and not be empty...which also requires bravery...and is damn hard...which pretty much sums up the life of any super hero...and sometimes I don't want to be either...I get tired of being strong...and sometimes I get tired of people looking up to me and saying I'm an inspiration...then other days I need that encouragement...
Sometimes I feel like being brave is choosing the lesser of two evils...holding my tongue can tear me up and frustrate the hell out of me...but sometimes what I want to say really shouldn't be said...and other times I need to speak my truths even if I don't know the outcome or think it might not be pleasant...and I think trying to find that balance would also be brave...
Before I do that I will tell you that my appointment today was fine...nothing much happened even though I left in a bad mood...mom is going to have to do more blood tests because they aren't happy with some of her numbers...she needs to be as close to perfect health as possibly...so I would love if you would keep that in mind when you are praying...
Now on to contradicting myself...
Sara Bareilles came out with the song "Brave" yesterday...and it's no secret that I love her...and this song is pretty legit...it's got all the things I love...a killer beat...heartfelt lyrics...a powerhouse of a voice...and when I listen to the song it hits me to my core...
Here it is...
Now I'm not really one who is known to hold my tongue but I do a lot more than I would like to...more often than not I just want to call Bullshit on anything and everything...or I want to get in peoples' faces when they are being stupid...or other similar things...which in reality it might be good that I keep my mouth shut...but there are other times when it's not so good...because I let those feeling boil under the surface...I don't want to upset anyone else or start a fight...so I fume to myself...which isn't healthy...
Sure I have my outlets...like my friends...or this blog...but that doesn't really solve the issues...and I oftentimes feel like I can't be 100% real even on my blog because it would upset someone...
So I hear this song as a call to myself to speak up...to be the fighter that I say I am...and not in a picking fights sort of way...but fight for my own voice to be heard...to be able to voice my opinions and frustrations and emotions...
I also hear this as a call to my friends...I feel like I can see all this potential in them that they don't always see and I want to see them accomplish their dreams...and I want to call to them and tell them that I know they can be brave...
At the same time being brave can suck...see I told you I was going to contradict myself...in my attempts to be brave in the past and to speak up about my feelings and emotions I have ended friendships...I have hurt people I love...and in being brave in my life...facing all the things thrown at me...I have gotten tired and become sick of fighting...trying to be brave means I cry a lot because I have a lot of bad days that are hard or where I fail to be brave...
I don't want to sugar coat it or not speak in truth...I want my words to have meaning and depth...and not be empty...which also requires bravery...and is damn hard...which pretty much sums up the life of any super hero...and sometimes I don't want to be either...I get tired of being strong...and sometimes I get tired of people looking up to me and saying I'm an inspiration...then other days I need that encouragement...
Sometimes I feel like being brave is choosing the lesser of two evils...holding my tongue can tear me up and frustrate the hell out of me...but sometimes what I want to say really shouldn't be said...and other times I need to speak my truths even if I don't know the outcome or think it might not be pleasant...and I think trying to find that balance would also be brave...
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