Feeling sick

My mom recently mentioned that she is happy I have decided to do dialysis because she read a thing that says people with kidney failure at the stage I am at die within like 8 to 10 days without dialysis...and though I would never consider not doing dialysis I think it is good to know those things...I think people don't realize how sick I really am...like they see me at church looking good and laughing or out at the store getting groceries but they don't see me when I feel like I am going to throw up everywhere and/or pass out...I think it's also hard to be friends with me because there really is nothing you can do to help me...I mean sure you can spend time with me but I am sick and there is nothing anyone can do about that...that is hard to deal with...and I know people don't know what to say to me or do for me...so though I have friends my friends end up doing weird stuff with me...like bringing me lunch in the hospital when I am getting a blood transfusion...or coming over and napping or reading with me while I am on dialysis...or then there are days like today when I don't have either of those but Nicole and I wanted to hang out...but I haven't been feeling the best...so our hanging out consisted of us both napping...it's a good thing that girl likes sleep...

I am starting to think that I might have to do dialysis more often or longer or something...I have been feeling sick the past few days...and not my normal achy body sick...but other sick...for example yesterday at lunch out of the blue I started to feel like I was maybe going to pass out or throw up...and then last night I had heart burn and acid reflux which I don't usually have...and then I woke up feeling like I had to pee really bad and barely anything came out when I went to go pee...and my kidney side has been hurting a lot recently...so it is possibly I am losing even more kidney function...I've been telling my kidney to stop being a diva but it's not listening...

On the plus side I got to spend some time with my friend Lauren...I haven't seen her in quite some time and it was fun to catch up with her and laugh with her...I felt kind of bad that I was feeling so sick when she was here and slept so much of the time...luckily she has been through this with us before when I had my first transplant so she is pretty used to it...but I think it was good for her to be here...my dad got to show her his gross pictures of his broken bones from the accident that I won't look at...and she was able to help my mom with a few things...so she got to spend some time with all of us...

I wish I had something a little more positive for all of you today...but I still feel pretty gross...I have a doctors appointment coming up soon so hopefully I will figure out something when I am there...

I've been trying to remember this verse recently when I am tired of feeling like crap all the time...
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28...I definitely fit that description but I want to...and I need to...remember that God wants to take care of me

I guess a plus would be that I have gotten some work done on my Master's application...like I said before I wrote the papers...and I finally found out what a GRE is...can't lie when everyone kept asking me if I had taken my GRE I just wanted to be all like "What is that?" but because everyone else seemed to know what they were talking about I didn't say anything...but I found out what is on Friday...its like an ACT for getting into grad school...how great...I just love test especially since when I took my ACTs I had shingles and ended up in the hospital two days later...I got my GRE scheduled to take before I have to turn in my application but I am still kind of nervous about it...I am trying to stay calm but I still wish I would have known about it sooner...it does feel good to feel like I am getting something done for my application...so I guess that can be my positive for this post...

Wish I had some better news for you all and I wish I was feeling better so we could all be happy about that...but that's not how my life works...in my life God works in the rough messy crazy life stuff that seems to be my everyday stuff...

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