Some days I just get overwhelmed by waiting

Because the truth is I am not just waiting for a kidney I am also getting sicker and sicker...and well it's no fun...

Today my nurse called me with blood test results and my creatinine level is worst again...how fun...the creatinine level is a good way to measure your kidney function...the normal range for a good creatinine level is .6 to 1.2 for males and .5 to 1.1 for females...my creatinine from my most recent blood test is 6.2...so obviously that is not good at all...

I keep trying to keep my cool and act like it doesn't bother me when we find out someone else isn't a match to be a donor but it does bother me...some days like today it bothers me a lot...

And I know God has a plan and his timing is perfect and blah blah blah...but that doesn't really help on days like this...that doesn't help when I feel like shit and can't get any relief...that doesn't help when we find out someone else isn't a match and we have to go on waiting...that doesn't help when you find out your blood numbers are worse inching you closer to death...that doesn't help when your mom still has to stick you twice a day with giant needles that hurt a lot and on top of that has to give you a shot that burns and makes you feel even shittier...

So instead you try your best to cling to the hope and promise that things will be better one day knowing that God is faithful...

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (NIV)

"I hold onto you for dear life, and you hold me as steady as a post." Psalm 63:8 (message)

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