What a week
So since I am sitting in the hospital with nothing to do I thought why not blog about my INSANE week...
If you haven't seen my facebook wall all week to see my mom's updates that she tagged me in then this will come as a surprise...if you have seen that then this should just be a quick recap...
Monday night/Tuesday morning I started to throw up...as the night went on I became very disoriented then last thing I remember I couldn't see anything...I remember I felt around for my phone then turned it on and was holding it right in front of my face but could not see the light from it...mom says that later that night I had a seizure and that's when she and dad took me to KSB ER...there I had another seizure and because of my kidney health history was airlifted to OSF Peoria...pretty much what happen is that the vessels in the brain began to leak into my brain causing swelling which caused the seizures...my hemoglobin also dropped way down and I was put in ICU...Tuesday I was in ICU and don't remember much of the day until later on Wednesday I was moved out of ICU and into a normal room I don't remember much of that day either...Thursday Dr. Sader decided to put a dialysis cath in me...that bleed a lot and was pretty painful and then on Friday morning after taking some pain meds I began to throw up and it was black and tested positive for blood...after doing dialysis for 4 hours I had an endoscopy and they found a small treatable ulcer in my stomach that was causing the black vomit...we thought that was the last thing to deal with and that I would be discharged today...this morning however I was dialysised again and obviously I'm still in the hospital...
Here's what happened...Dr. Sader had been working to get me home this weekend because he knew how much I wanted to be home for BOND...a weekend at RRBC where as senior camp we get together between camp times to encourage and build up one another...anyways Dr. Sader (that's my kidney dr.) knew I wanted to be home and was working with me to make it happen...his plan on Thursday was that after being dialysised on Friday morning he would send me home he would even get the papers ready early...then I started throwing up blood and obviously that needed to be addressed...today he is not here and Dr. Bruha is seeing his patients...which includes me...let me just say right now I don't like Dr. Bruha...he treats me and my family like we know nothing and what we say doesn't matter even though we are the ones living with this and he is treating ME...first this morning when I woke up I had no idea I was going to be dialysised again so that was a surprise this morning...and then when I started talking to Dr. Bruha with his attitude and him telling me all the reasons he thinks I should stay even though EVERYONE ELSE (all the nurses that have seen me multiple days and both the brain doctor and the endoscopy doctor) says I look like a new person and should go home and well needless to say I am not in the best mood now even though I feel great...
I really want to be home and have hemo dialysis set up in Dixon already along with everything else being under control (my bp is normal my hemoglobin is at a good level again my ulcer is being treated the swelling on my brain is gone) so I am not quite sure why I am here still...other than Dr. Bruha wants to be right...he said that tomorrow morning he will be in at 8 and if my hemoglobin is still good then I can get out...If he changes his tune I plan on checking myself out...I don't care if he doesn't like that because he's not my doctor I don't have to deal with him...
Right now its really hard to not just be upset about everything mainly about being here...I would much rather be at camp but I am trying to be nice and play by the rules...I feel like I am being taken advantage of a little bit and I don't like it...just because you have a degree or you read all these books does not automatically mean you know best and it does not mean that you can play God in anyway...you do not live in my body and therefore do not know it better than me simply because of that...so many times today when he would talk to us I would want to either a) hit him (which isn't uncommon for me to want to do to people) or b) yell at him ("I'm not an idiot I know this stuff kills people I have lived with it for 20 years") or even c) walk out and leave no matter what he said...
Right now I am sitting at OSF in Peoria with mom trying not to think about how upset I am...trying to think about how great tomorrow will be when I get to see people I love at BOND...and how nice it will be to sleep in my own bed and go where I want to go...right now the only thing I have in me is the dialysis cath...I don't have an IV they haven't been giving me IV fluids since like Wednesday so that's nice...tomorrow morning I am planning on being packed and ready to go before the doctor gets here so I can be out of here pretty dang quick hopefully and right out to camp...
Knowing what I am missing out on makes being here even harder...questions keep popping up in my mind as I get mad at God...why this week of all weeks? why now? why this sick? why did it all have to keep building on itself? I could have been out sooner if it hadn't...it's frustrating...it's most frustrating because God knows how much I have wanted to be at camp how much I have needed to be around the support at that I have at camp...I need to be surrounded by that love because life is so rough and yet this huge set back....NOT COOL...it's upsetting and I don't get it but I just have to trust that God is doing something cool through this and is stretching and growing me through this and is teaching others as well...I have to remind myself that yes life is crazy but God is still good no matter what it feels like he is still good and he is still in control...
If you haven't seen my facebook wall all week to see my mom's updates that she tagged me in then this will come as a surprise...if you have seen that then this should just be a quick recap...
Monday night/Tuesday morning I started to throw up...as the night went on I became very disoriented then last thing I remember I couldn't see anything...I remember I felt around for my phone then turned it on and was holding it right in front of my face but could not see the light from it...mom says that later that night I had a seizure and that's when she and dad took me to KSB ER...there I had another seizure and because of my kidney health history was airlifted to OSF Peoria...pretty much what happen is that the vessels in the brain began to leak into my brain causing swelling which caused the seizures...my hemoglobin also dropped way down and I was put in ICU...Tuesday I was in ICU and don't remember much of the day until later on Wednesday I was moved out of ICU and into a normal room I don't remember much of that day either...Thursday Dr. Sader decided to put a dialysis cath in me...that bleed a lot and was pretty painful and then on Friday morning after taking some pain meds I began to throw up and it was black and tested positive for blood...after doing dialysis for 4 hours I had an endoscopy and they found a small treatable ulcer in my stomach that was causing the black vomit...we thought that was the last thing to deal with and that I would be discharged today...this morning however I was dialysised again and obviously I'm still in the hospital...
Here's what happened...Dr. Sader had been working to get me home this weekend because he knew how much I wanted to be home for BOND...a weekend at RRBC where as senior camp we get together between camp times to encourage and build up one another...anyways Dr. Sader (that's my kidney dr.) knew I wanted to be home and was working with me to make it happen...his plan on Thursday was that after being dialysised on Friday morning he would send me home he would even get the papers ready early...then I started throwing up blood and obviously that needed to be addressed...today he is not here and Dr. Bruha is seeing his patients...which includes me...let me just say right now I don't like Dr. Bruha...he treats me and my family like we know nothing and what we say doesn't matter even though we are the ones living with this and he is treating ME...first this morning when I woke up I had no idea I was going to be dialysised again so that was a surprise this morning...and then when I started talking to Dr. Bruha with his attitude and him telling me all the reasons he thinks I should stay even though EVERYONE ELSE (all the nurses that have seen me multiple days and both the brain doctor and the endoscopy doctor) says I look like a new person and should go home and well needless to say I am not in the best mood now even though I feel great...
I really want to be home and have hemo dialysis set up in Dixon already along with everything else being under control (my bp is normal my hemoglobin is at a good level again my ulcer is being treated the swelling on my brain is gone) so I am not quite sure why I am here still...other than Dr. Bruha wants to be right...he said that tomorrow morning he will be in at 8 and if my hemoglobin is still good then I can get out...If he changes his tune I plan on checking myself out...I don't care if he doesn't like that because he's not my doctor I don't have to deal with him...
Right now its really hard to not just be upset about everything mainly about being here...I would much rather be at camp but I am trying to be nice and play by the rules...I feel like I am being taken advantage of a little bit and I don't like it...just because you have a degree or you read all these books does not automatically mean you know best and it does not mean that you can play God in anyway...you do not live in my body and therefore do not know it better than me simply because of that...so many times today when he would talk to us I would want to either a) hit him (which isn't uncommon for me to want to do to people) or b) yell at him ("I'm not an idiot I know this stuff kills people I have lived with it for 20 years") or even c) walk out and leave no matter what he said...
Right now I am sitting at OSF in Peoria with mom trying not to think about how upset I am...trying to think about how great tomorrow will be when I get to see people I love at BOND...and how nice it will be to sleep in my own bed and go where I want to go...right now the only thing I have in me is the dialysis cath...I don't have an IV they haven't been giving me IV fluids since like Wednesday so that's nice...tomorrow morning I am planning on being packed and ready to go before the doctor gets here so I can be out of here pretty dang quick hopefully and right out to camp...
Knowing what I am missing out on makes being here even harder...questions keep popping up in my mind as I get mad at God...why this week of all weeks? why now? why this sick? why did it all have to keep building on itself? I could have been out sooner if it hadn't...it's frustrating...it's most frustrating because God knows how much I have wanted to be at camp how much I have needed to be around the support at that I have at camp...I need to be surrounded by that love because life is so rough and yet this huge set back....NOT COOL...it's upsetting and I don't get it but I just have to trust that God is doing something cool through this and is stretching and growing me through this and is teaching others as well...I have to remind myself that yes life is crazy but God is still good no matter what it feels like he is still good and he is still in control...
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