Well I'm home...

Which means I didn't have to start dialysis today...

My numbers changed for the better quite a bit and the doctor and mom and I are hoping that we can continue to maintain me feeling pretty good without having to start dialysis before getting a transplant...Ash just did some more testing and if that comes back showing that she is a good match and my health doesn't change to much he said he won't put me on dialysis...which is nice...

He changed around my meds a little again to see if that will help with all my ailments...

It was a good appointment and I am relieved that I didn't have to start dialysis and yet I am not...I know it doesn't make sense but I am at a point right now where I don't really know what I want...I just know I want to feel better...I want to have a transplant as soon as possible so that I can feel better longer and not have to deal with all this crap...as for dialysis...well it does suck and I hate it...but I know it will make me feel better for a while...so it's good and bad...not having to start it now is good...and maybe not having to be on dialysis at all is even better...I am having a hard time right now not being negative about everything...it's like I am waiting for everything to fall apart quickly...even though I have had a lot of good days since my doctor has been changing around my meds I am waiting to wake up and feel like crap like I did before...it's like I expect to be disappointed...which is not cool...so today I am trying to just rejoice that I don't have to start dialysis yet and that I still feel pretty good most days...

I still might cry though because it really is a relief to not start dialysis...even though I was trying to prepare myself for whatever the doctor said I still felt tense about today cause I hate not knowing what is going to happen...so even now that it was good news I am coming down from that stress and I just want to cry...so maybe I will and there is nothing wrong with that...

If you want to know more details or have questions about any of this feel free to ask...I love answering people's questions and I won't make you feel dumb...I know not everyone deals with or understands health stuff like I do...I mean I have had 20 some years to learn and live all this stuff so I sort of have an unfair advantage...if that's what you want to call it...

The doctor made it sound like the process of Ashley doing the testing is moving along well so we are still hoping I will have a transplant around Christmas time which would be super nice...thanks again for all your love and prayers

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