I want to address something...

Before I get to far into this note...cause I actually have some fun things to talk...but before I get to the fun things I want to give some more advice of how to deal with sick people...well really anyone...well maybe not everyone because maybe it's just me...but it really drives me nuts when people in any situation say "I know how you feel"...when I hear that I think no you don't...you can sympathize with me...you can understand to an extent but you don't know how I feel...you are not me...I say this doesn't just apply to sick people because I personally would never say this in any situation...let me give an example...my cousin Lisa has two kids and a husband in seminary...I can understand that you be crazy and I can sympathize with that...but I don't know how Lisa feels because I am not Lisa...I feel like if I were to say I know how you feel that would take value away from what she is dealing with and then things would be all about me instead of about her...I also think that it's ok that we don't know how others feel...to me that doesn't make us alone that makes us unique...it gives us each our own personal stories and struggle and journeys and that is a beautiful thing...yes there are other people that like Lisa have two kids and a husband in seminary and everything else she deals with...and yes there are plenty of other people like me living with kidney's that are failing...living in bodies that are dying while they are still in them...but we all have our own personalities and we all react to what happens in our lives in different ways...I guess I just say this all to remind us all to think before we speak...when we are listening to someone talk about their life it really should be all about them if we really care for them...sometimes that means not saying anything...sometimes that means being honest and saying I wish I knew what to say but I don't...sometimes that means simply acknowledging with them that life can suck...one thing I would say that we can always do is not make it about ourselves...if we really care for that person then our response to them after hearing them pour out their lives should not be to start a ton of sentences with the word "I"...then it becomes about you and not them and it seems like that often cause more harm than good...not saying you can't tell them you are praying for them or that you love them...but when you start babbling on and on about your own life that doesn't help them...when I have been in those situations I tend to start thinking "I just told you all these problems that are going on with me and now you want me to worry about you too...or you want to compare our problems"...that they not be what you are intending but that really is often what it feels like...yes I care about you and I do want to know what is going on with you...but if I have actually taken the time to be honest and open with you (which people should know by now I don't do in person often) then I am feeling pretty raw...and when you start talking about yourself...that's like rubbing salt in the wound...

Ok now that I feel like I have lectured you...lets get on to some fun stuff...

I watched a Tyler Perry movie the other day...surprise surprise...hahahaha...I watched his newest play on DVD Laugh to Keep from Crying...in the play there are quite a few families that are dealing with trials...there is a newly wed white couple that just moved to the ghetto and the husband is trying to finish up law school...and there is a hooker trying to get away from her pimp and off the streets...and a single mom raising two children one of them is really rebellious...and the mom of the newly wed white girl whose husband has recently died...and then a older black lady who just lost her job after working for 15 years and lost all her retirement fund as the company went out of business...the play shows them as they deal with all these different things...what I loved about the play and about what Tyler Perry said at the end of the play is why he wrote it...he said he wanted to remind people that times are hard but God will see us through...in the play different characters say things about how they don't believe that God has brought them this far to give up on them and to leave them now...they just need to keep the faith...that was a reminder that I needed for sure...sometimes life can get so rough that I begin to feel like what is the point...when will this end...but God continues to remind me that He will see me through because He is faithful and will finish His work in me...in the play they sing O-O-H Child by the Five Stair Steps...you know "oh child things are gonna get easier oh child things gonna get brighter"...and I started crying a little...which also makes me think of the song Spring is Coming by Steven Curtis Chapman...of you haven't heard it yet check it out...I love the lines "now the chill in the wind has turned the earth hard as stone silent the seeds rise beneath ice and snow and my heart is heavy now but I'm not letting go of this hope I have that tells me spring is coming spring is coming and all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear spring is coming spring is coming it won't be long now it's just about here"...I find that where I am in life right now I need that reminder a lot...I need to be reminding that even though it doesn't feel like it right now good will come out of this...God is doing a good work in me and through me wither I can see it or not...even though I feel at times like how could He be using me at all when I can barely make it out of bed I am reminded that He is God and He can truly do anything and work through anyone...

Thinking about this lead me to think about all the ways I have been blessed recently because well I wanted to be in a good mood thinking about how good God is all the time...so here are some blessings in my life that I can up with...

• I have a great new computer that I love. I got it just in time because I got it as my classes started so I don't have to deal with a temperamental computer that kicks me off the Internet all the time for no reason. Plus my external hard drive just crapped out, not sure why but it did. I was able to put everything on my new computer first though and it doesn't run any slower and that is definitely a blessing.
• It's also a blessing that my online classes are so easy for me. When I don't feel good I don't want to do anything but I know I should finish school this year so I am working at it and I was nervous that it was going to be hard and make me sicker. But it has been super easy for me. I don't really have to read much of the material to understand what we are talking about in class and then write papers and get good grades on them. Not really sure if that makes me smart or not or if that just means the classes are super easy. Either way it is a blessing to not have to feel like I have too much work to do while being sick.
• I have had a couple of really good days recently as well. That is definitely a blessing. More like a double blessing since I had quite a few good days around my birthday too so I was actually able to celebrate my birthday without it making me feel dead later.
• I am finding more salt free or low in salt foods that I really like. That's helping me not lose so much weight when I don't feel good. Having more options of what to eat is also good since eating plain pasta and bread can get pretty boring even for a pasta lover like me.
• I have found that I still have a pretty good sense of humor despite not feeling good. I could be having a really bad day but there are still things that will make me laugh without fail. I just love to laugh and I think a lot of things are funny. When life is rough being able to laugh is always a blessing. Helps keep you from getting too down or getting super depressed.
• This one may sound weird or make you laugh. It is a blessing that I have plenty of pjs that I have acquired over the years. A lot of sweatpants as well. This is good because I never really feel like going out or getting dressed so I chill in my sweatpants/jammies all day everyday. Since I am cold 24/7 having thick comfy sweatpants is a big blessing. (PS if you want to get me some that would be awesome I really will wear them. The only day I normally put on real clothes is Sunday when I go to church. I wear smalls usually. I know people want to do things for me so I thought I would throw that idea out there.)
• The biggest blessing of all is one that I talk about the most. I have the greatest friends and family in the world. For my online classes we have to introduce ourselves and say a few things about us. One of the things I wrote is that my friends and family make me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world the way they always want to help me out and take care of me and love on me. Being surrounded by such love and support means more to me than you will ever know and I thank God for you all pretty much all the time. I know without God I could not get through all this and at times I feel as if the same were true for my support system. I would be lost without your love for me. If you are taking the time to read this you obivously care for me and you are a blessing to me.