What do I want to be known for?

I was thinking this week about a conversation I had with some of my friends in Arizona one night at our life group...we talked about what we wanted to be known for...there were all sorts of answers...some of my friends said things like 'for being joyful' or 'for helping people' which are all great...and as I thought about my answer truthfully I thought it sounded like a Sunday school answer...you know what I'm talking about...when your in Sunday school and instead of being real you say what will make you look good or impress the teacher...like answering Jesus to every question...anyway I had a bit of a Sunday school answer in my head that day...but I decided to say it anyway because it was true and when I think about it my answer would still be the same...

I want to be known for praising God no matter what my circumstances are...I didn't elaborate on it then but let me do that a little now...

I want to be known for worshiping my creator and savior all the time...I'm not saying it's easy...because if you have read my blog you know it's not...I go through a lot of ups and downs constantly in my life...and it can be hard to praise God in those times...like being on hold on the transplant list even though I really need kidney...or hearing that someone else isn't a match...those are times when I just want to scream and shout about how unfair life is and how unhappy I am...

The funny thing is though that I have only ever wanted that for a second...but then I remember how doing that doesn't make me feel any better...it makes me feel worse and empty...so instead I do what I know to do...I praise Him...

I'm not going to stay it's always lovely...there have been a lot of times where I was ugly crying while praying or singing...and there will probably be more...but God doesn't care how I look when I come to Him...He just cares that I do come to Him...

I want to be truthful in all I do...even if that truth isn't popular or is ugly...and that means I am truthful with God too...I don't just praise Him as if nothing is going on in my life...I tell Him how upset I am and how this isn't where I saw my life going...He's God...He can handle my mess and my truth...that's what He does with us...He handles our shit...and that's why He is worthy of praise...

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