so I wrote a whole post yesterday

And deleted it because I never like anything I write...

I want to badly to be positive this week...but I also want to be real...and sometimes it's hard to find a balance between the two...because most days of my life are kind of stinky...like most of this week I felt horrible because my new medicine was causing so many problems...so I spent a lot of time in bed...sure I still did stuff...like go to get groceries twice because we kept forgetting to put stuff on the list...and I started a job...I only work afternoons for like an hour and a half...I'm glad I have the energy for that but sometimes even after that I feel worn out...so that's a bummer...contrary to what seems to be popular belief though I do go outside of the house and do things like volunteer at the library...sure I feel like crap but I am not a shut in...and feeling like crap has never stopped me from doing things before...I've always been good at pushing through the pain...I sort of feel like it's a fact of my life that I am going to have to push through the pain to have any sort of life...

Besides that I don't really know what to post this week so I though maybe I would post some things that have been sort of inspiring me lately...

Like this song...I love it so much..."so keep your head up my love"


And even though I have posted this one before I am constantly telling myself "Don't you worry don't you worry child, heaven's got a plan for you."


And then there is this quote from an article I read recently about the lady and her family they made a movie about who all survived the tsunami a few years ago...




 And this CS Lewis quote about mourning...



I also love P!nk a lot and this song is so great...I've often though of getting "I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned" tattooed by my fistula scar because I think it's super ugly and often have to remind myself that it's keeping me alive...even if I do still want to cry sometimes when I look at it...if only I could actually get a tattoo...


And I'm going to end with this song because I have been playing it on repeat a lot lately..."So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light cause oh it gave me such a fright. But I will hold on with all of my might just promise me we'll be alright."


Mainly this week I just need to be reminded that the pain has been worth it...it has shaped me into the person I am today...and I'm not as bad as I sometimes think I am...

Sorry I ended up not being that positive...there is always next week...

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