Slow-ish week

Not sure what to post today. I still haven't been in the best mood.

But on the positive side I have been laughing at work a lot. I have been going into work even though I have been feeling sick. Some days it does still get to bad to go in. The pain gets really bad some days. And foods are tasting a little funny because I feel so sick.

Mostly though I have been thinking about how people call me strong and a fighter when I am neither of those things. The truth is if I had the choice I would curl up in a ball and give up. It is God who is strong and who is a fighter.

He is the one who keeps me going.

He is the one who continues to hold me up and say that we will get through this together.

And so I lean into him trusting that there will be a happy ending and a reason for what feels like madness.

Also I have had people asking me if there will be a change in my medicine. As far as I know the answer at the moment is no. I don't know if my doctors are sure about what else they could put me on since I am always experiencing horrible side effects.

People have also been asking me how they can pray for me. I often don't know what to say but I will say this, pray for my spirit because I am feeling a bit defeated. Not hopeless but defeated and deflated. And I am looking for my eucatastrophe because I am needing a beautiful turn of events.

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